Day 2843

When I noticed Dash heading for the back door this morning, I rushed to get him ready for his walk. It's all a matter of timing. If I can catch him when he needs to pee, it's pretty easy to get him out the back door and headed toward the park. It's too bad I can't get his knee brace fitted and his boots on a little quicker. Sometimes he's out of the mood before I can get him ready. Today I was pretty fast and Dash was still eager to take a walk. In my haste today, I forgot my watch and my phone. In today's world I hate to be without a phone. It's not like I'm eager to talk to anyone, but its nice to always have the ability to call 911 if the need arises.

I almost didn't go out to breakfast this morning, but I knew that the day would just seem longer if I stayed at home. Going out for breakfast on Friday doesn't seem as interesting anymore. It's amazing that I was able to find a place that I liked for almost three years. Now I rarely go to the same restaurant twice. I anticipate going out to breakfast and then I am disappointed by it. I have a feeling that I'm just not as interested in eating anymore. It's not just breakfast. I'm not that interested in dinner either.

I'm glad that Dash still seems interested in eating. He's still picky and won't eat dry food in the morning, but he seems to love the Castor and Pollux Venison recipe. This brand gets good reviews but I think it might have too much protein for Dash. He needs to be on a low protein diet so he won't get urinary and kidney stones. We'll worry about these details later. The important thing now it to just keep him eating something reasonably healthy until we can get his heart issues resolved.

I've got to figure out how to rekindle my interest in the world. I'm not interested in anything these days. When work kept me busy, I didn't have time to wonder what I was interested in. Now, I've got plenty of time and not much desire. I have little desire to travel. I don't feel like going to movies. I rarely pick up a book. I haven't had a gallery show in years, I don't write songs anymore, and I don't even play the guitar very much. This can't be good. I keep feeling that this is temporary, but then months go by and I still feel the same way.

I need to start using my time to straighten out the mess in the storage warehouse and begin making some substantial repairs to the house. The trouble with doing physical things like this is I get tired a lot more easily than I used to. Unfortunately, if I wait another year to face these realities, the job will become even harder. The time to start downsizing is now. The only good thing about my lack of desire is that I've lost the desire to collect things too. At least I'm not accumulating stuff anymore.

I still care about Janet and I still care about Dash. Perhaps it it good that I've lost most of my youthful obsessions. Dash is certainly going to keep me busy in the day to come.

Cassie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2766

I must have been really tired this morning. When I woke up, Janet had already eaten breakfast and walked Dash. I've lost the urge to go out for breakfast on Friday mornings, so I fixed myself some pancakes and bacon instead. I really got off to a slow start today. By the time I'd cleaned up the breakfast dishes, the day was well underway.

It didn't seem like Friday at all. I had work to do and spent most of the day writing a new article. It's hard to believe that not that long ago I was writing three or four articles a day for weeks at a time. Times change. Now, it's the exception rather than the rule when I'm busy with work. I can't say I enjoyed all the deadlines, but I was certainly comfortable with them. Writing under pressure was something I'd done for most of my life. Now, as I find myself sliding toward retirement, I'm not certain what to do next.

I try to stay busy and am happy with the occasional assignments I get, but there is no clear purpose anymore. I've become adverse to risk, I don't welcome change, and nothing could convince me to sit through a status meeting. Basically, all the qualities that helped me create and sustain a successful company are gone. Some of my friends have reinvented themselves and gone on to second or third careers, but I'm uncertain what I want to do next.

Luckily, when I've got a writing assignment I don't have to worry about all that. I wrote for most of the day, took a shower, paid my July Mastercard bill, and picked up some burgers for dinner at Chili's. I was going to  use the pressure washer to clean the Eastern side of the house, but it was way too hot for that. The temperature was well over 100 degrees this afternoon.

Dash seemed back to normal today. The frightening thing about idiopathic vestibular disease is that there is no known cure. There are lots of tests you can do to rule out certain things, but if the tests are inconclusive, you just have to try to keep your dog calm when there is an incident and hope for the best. Dash's symptoms are often severe and they make us wonder whether he has some rare disease that hasn't been diagnosed yet. I'm always happy when he recovers, but I'm always worried about what might happen next.

I probably should just quit worrying. My life is still calm and serene compared to what I see on the television news. Janet, Dash and I are all getting older, but I think we are still aging with a certain amount of dignity. I'm smart and I still have a sense of curiosity. It shouldn't be that hard to turn the next twenty years into a meaningful experience. The world might not even be here in twenty years, but I'm going to remain hopeful. I just need to find a purpose.

Katie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day