Day 1580

One of these days, I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go paperless. Every couple of months, I try to wade through the mountain of accumulated paper and throw away as much superfluous mail as I can. I have a tendency to save things that I think might be important, and then forget what was so important about the letter later. On days like today, I find myself throwing away a ton of coupons that expired three years ago, invitations to attend seminars that have already taken place, and the ubiquitous unopened proxy statements. I don't know why I get the proxy statements in the first place. Please vote for the following slate of directors, they say. Like my 100 shares are  actually going to make a difference? Annual reports, proxy statements, unsolicited credit cards, surveys, almost anything from AARP is a total waste of postage.  Today I found five letters that really did need to be dealt with and threw away over 100 that were just junk.

What does it mean when 90% of your e-mail winds up unopened in your spam folder, 95% of your phone calls are from telemarketers, and virtually everything the mailman delivers is junk mail?  I must be the kind of customer marketers are trying to reach, because I am deluged with junk. I don't add my name to "do not call" lists because I'm convinced that this will actually increase the number of telemarketing calls. I never open anything in my spam folder because I think this might trigger a hidden malware application. Proxy statements go directly into the paper shredder. It wasn't always this way. As recently as ten years ago, I looked forward to a visit from the postman and clients routinely called me on the phone instead of sending cryptic e-mails that wind up in my spam folder anyway.

After I reduced my mountain of unopened mail to a more manageable size, I got some bleach soaked rags and tried to clean up my bathroom. Somehow when dust, moisture, and soap interact, it leaves a thin layer of scum that is almost impossible to remove. The electric toothbrush, water pic, soap dishes, and toilet are all sparkling clean now. In about a month, they will all be covered with the same scum again. I'll have to deal with the tile grout another day. That's getting pretty disgusting too.

The only reason I even attempted to deal with these tiresome chores today was that it was pouring rain outside for most of the day. I won't need to water the new grass in the back yard for a few days, but I will need to go up on the roof again and remove all the standing water. I'll need to go to the battery store and get a new 24V lawn mower battery too. If I let the front lawn go too long, it will be a tangled mess of tall weeds within a matter of weeks. The lawn mower battery will be expensive, but it's still a lot easier than putting my gas mower in the car and taking it to one of the city's few remaining lawn mower repair shops. These little shops used to be everywhere, but not anymore. Today, people apparently just drag their non-functioning mowers out to the curb for the trash truck to take away and buy another cheap mower at Home Depot. Actually, they just get a yard guy to mow their grass. I'm one of the only people in my neighborhood who still mows his own grass.

As the day progressed, the skies gradually cleared and by late afternoon there were patches of blue sky punctuated with billowing cumulus clouds. The day started dismally, but it ended up being quite pretty. The dogs were as eager to get out of the house as I was, so we took advantage of the nice weather and went on a long afternoon walk. On the way, I thought I saw a squirrel staring at me from a knot hole in a nearby tree. "This would make a cool picture," I thought, and inched closer to the tree to take a picture. When I got about a yard from the tree, I noticed that it was a rubber squirrel that someone had placed in the knot hole. Sure fooled me. Who would bother to put rubber squirrels in random trees in a public park? You'd have to be crazy. Oh wait. That would describe half the people who visit this park. I guess random rubber squirrels are just another aspect of life in the city.

Valli is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 1411

I went to the bank and got another safe deposit box today. I had let the old box lapse when I discovered that there was almost nothing of value inside. Now, I'm beginning to realize that there are still a few things that need to be protected from the paper shredder. In our house, it would be real easy to end up shredding a car title, or some other innocuous but important document, by mistake. Junk paper and important paper all look the same these days. If they weren't tucked away in a safe place, it would only be a matter of time before I accidentally shredded the car title and house deed along with all the irritating mail from the phone company and AARP.

Halloween is fast approaching and we still can't think of a good Halloween costume for Dot and Dash to wear to the annual dog training class Halloween party.  In previous years, the dogs have gone as Dorothy and the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, a cowboy and his faithful horse, a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader and a Texas Ranger ballplayer. Dot's best costume was when we dressed her up as Cruella DeVil. Dash's best costume is anything that he will keep on for more than five seconds. After all these years, I'm out of ideas. Maybe we could turn them into poodles for the evening.

The day was filled with the usual weekend errands. There were trips to the gas station and the grocery store. The bed got clean sheets and the clothes got washed. I'm sure I could have accomplished more if it hadn't rained. The weather has been so nice lately that I've almost forgotten how disruptive a little rain can be. The dogs hate the rain and always manage to turn even a mild shower into a weather emergecy.

While Janet went to a hockey game downtown with clients, I huddled with the two storm phobic dogs on the bed and quickly fell asleep. Few things will put you to sleep faster than a warm dog on either side of you. Luckily, this was just a Fall shower, without  the usual thunder and lightning. We actually needed the rain, but it doesn't look like we'll be able to go to the dog park tomorrow. With the amount of rain we're getting right now, the park is almost certain to be closed on Sunday. I'm going to try to get to the gym again tomorrow, but my exercise will probably include sweeping water off the roof as well.

Pearl is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 1195

Janet's favorite household appliance is the paper shredder. She shreds everything. I, on the other hand, tend to save paper forever. Today, as part of my continuing efforts to declutter my life, I threw away some of the paper that has been accumulating in my office. I shredded brokerage statements from companies that disappeared during the financial crash of 2008. I shredded credit cards that had expired before I even got around to opening the envelope. I shredded disputed medical bills from 1995. How did I acquire all this paper and why did I save it so long? I could probably spend the rest of my life just cleaning out this one little room. Maybe after I get the humongous stacks of paper in order, I'll start throwing away all the keys that don't seem to unlock anything. The big job will be figuring out what the five shoe boxes full of wall wart power adaptors adapters actually power. I seem to have hundreds of these little adapters and no idea of what they were initially used for. Why can't electronics manufacturers standardize their power supplies so one type of wall wart would work for everything? Better yet, why can't they just make things that plug directly in to the wall outlets. It just makes too much sense for this to ever happen.

It was so cold this morning that I had to dig out my Winter goose down ski jacket again. What happened to the beautiful 75 degree days that ushered in Spring just a few days ago? It seemed exceptionally cold when I was sweeping the accumulated water from last night's rain off the roof. I'm tired of sweeping water off the roof. When I was digging through piles of paper this afternoon, I found the original bill and warranty from the last roof I put on the house. The roof was guaranteed for three years and even the materials the roof was made of were only guaranteed for ten years. It's been a lot longer than ten years since I put that roof on.  It's definitely time for a new roof.

I believe in Karma. I'm sure that the Karma gods are still try to extract retribution for awful things I've done in the past, but I think it's about time we call things even and start over with a clean slate. I miss the carefree days when I had no responsibilities whatsoever. Of course, those days were probably when I built up most of my Karma debt in the first place.

When I was cleaning this afternoon, I found a picture of me sitting on a sofa with a Dalmatian I didn't recognize. I asked Janet what the dog's name was and she started laughing. "That's not you," she said. Oh, well. I never was very good with faces. I still don't know who the dog was, or the guy I thought was me, for that matter. The day wasn't a total waste though. I've decided to start wearing boxers instead of briefs. I don't know whether this is a sign of early dementia, or if I've finally acquired some common sense. Boxers are a lot more comfortable.

Chelsey is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day