Day 2726

I'm tired. I mowed the grass, I went to the gym, I did some laundry, and I took Dash on two walks; all on very little sleep. Basically, this was just a typical Sunday, except I substituted mowing the grass for vacuuming the house.

The rat is gone. It didn't end the way I wanted it to. In fact it ended horribly. I was awakened about 3 AM by an awful commotion in the atrium. Instead of heading for one of the two Havahart traps where he would have been completely safe, the rat activated the kill trap. Even though the packaging on this trap said "guaranteed to kill rats instantly," the rat was still alive. It was making a terrible sound and dragging the trap all around the atrium.

I guess this shows that you'd better be careful what you wish for. I wanted the rat gone, but not this way. I got dressed, found a large bucket in the greenhouse, and proceeded to catch the dying rat and put it in the bucket. I had to bring the rat inside the house to take it out the back door, because the only entrance to the atrium is a large sliding glass door in the living room. There was no way to comfort the injured animal. I just had to watch it die.

I had trouble going back to sleep. I felt like this was my fault. I had the best of intentions with the Havahart live traps, but once the rat managed to escape from the live trap that first evening, it would never go inside them again. I've had to deal with a large rat inside the house once before and I didn't want to face this challenge again. Once, a rat fell down a standpipe on the roof, swam through the plumbing and jumped out of the toilet. It scared the hell out of me. I had a hard time catching that rat, so you can understand why I wouldn't want another one in the house. At least I wasn't sitting on the toilet at the time.

I felt melancholy for most of the day. Nothing really happens the you expect it will. I've been surprised again and again. If you had asked me in my thirties what I would be doing at sixty-nine, my answer wouldn't have any relationship to what I am actually doing today. Sometimes I wonder if there is any point in planning at all. Like the poet Robert Burns said, "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

I definitely don't have a plan for tomorrow. There is certainly a long list of things that need to be done. I think it's time to test Dash's triglyceride levels again. I need to ask the vet whether he needs to fast for 12 hours or 24. I sure hope it's just 12. I need to make an appointment for my annual physical as well. I've been so busy taking dogs to the vet, that I've kind of been ignoring my own health. I need to call the landscapers again. They seem to have forgotten about us. So many things to do and I can't get excited about any of them. I'll make my coffee in the morning, drink my fruit smoothie, and we'll see what comes next.

Willa is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2716 - Dot's last day

More than anything else, this blog has been a chronicle of my love for two very special Dalmatians. One of those dogs left this earth at 7 PM this evening. Dot will be missed more than you can possibly imagine. Dot was a rescue. We don't know where she spent her first two years, but for almost fifteen years she has been my constant companion. Over time, I've grown to understand Dot better than I understand the people in my life. Her boundless enthusiasm has kept me going during my darkest hours. She has been the glue that kept our family together through thick and thin. Dot provided solace for Petey during his final years, and when Dash joined our family, she helped transform him from a frightened rescue pup to an assured and confident adult. Dot has always been the alpha dog. She not only groomed and set the ground rules for Petey and Dash, she immeasurably improved the lives of Janet and myself. I honestly don't know where I would be today without her.

I've never seen a dog with more tenacity or desire to overcome adversity than Dot. She survived abdominal cancer and a ruptured disc in her spine that required a neurosurgeon to repair. As she grew older, she outlived the expectations of every vet who ever treated her. Even when she began to show signs of dementia, she refused to give up. Dot loved her daily walks and the time she spent with her family until the very end. Even when I had to spend hours hand feeding her one piece of kibble at a time, she still wanted to stay among the living.

It breaks my heart that Dot wasn't really ready to go at the end. Her spirit never wavered, but her body finally gave up. Dot has been eating less and less for several weeks now. We gradually ran out of things that would interest her. When she lost interest in cheeseburgers and fried chicken, I began to become seriously worried that she wasn't getting enough nutrition to survive. Dot never gave up. On days where I thought she had given up eating entirely, she would miraculously rally and manage to eat just enough to survive to the next day.

Janet and I knew this couldn't continue, but it was equally obvious that Dot wanted to stay with us a bit longer. We controlled her pain with strong medication and let her eat anything she wanted. Even on days where she had no appetite, Dot still demanded her daily walk to the edge of the park.

Two days ago, Dot began throwing up what little she managed to eat during the day. We could tell she was becoming alarmingly thin and there were signs that her pain medication was losing its effectiveness. Last night Dot was miserable. She threw up everything she ate during the day around 3 AM and even that only provided partial relief. Dot had lost her battle to live.

This morning Dot wasn't even interested in bacon. I gave her an anti nausea pill and her pain medication and then fed her some water through a syringe to make sure none of the pills got stuck in her throat. She rested comfortably for the rest of the day while I made her final arrangements. I hate making life or death decisions, but it would be cruel to let her starve to death. I knew this morning that it was time. It is comforting to know that Dot has led an extraordinary and very happy life. She truly enjoyed being the alpha dog in a family that loved and appreciated her. Dot, I'm sorry I can't take you on a walk tomorrow morning. I really tried, but time just ran out on us.

Dot is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2682

I was so convinced this morning that Dot was telling me it was time that I called the vet and made an appointment to have her euthanized this evening. She didn't want to get up. She wouldn't eat or drink water. And her eyes had lost their sparkle. It looked like her body was shutting down.

I sat with her and cried for quite a while. About 2 PM she raised her head and gave me the look that said she needed to pee. I took her outside and then tried again to see if she would eat. Her response was tentative at first and then something in her brain kicked into gear. I was able to hand feed her almost a cup of her regular food and over a dozen of her favorite treats. I helped her up and she drank some water and then wanted to go outside again. Dot was back.

An anonymous blog reader suggested that I try seeing if Dot would drink Dogsure. I'd never heard of this product, but I went out and bought a few cans. The product was the canine equivalent of Ensure for humans. I was a little skeptical at first, especially since abandoning solid food and trying to live totally on Ensure contributed to my Dad's death. At this point I had little to lose though. I did a Google search and the product seemed to get great reviews from people who had tried it. Much to my surprise, Dot seemed to like the Dogsure and was able to drink it. More importantly, when I moistened her regular food with the Dogsure and fed it to her by hand, she was able to eat more of that too. I have no idea who sent me this tip, but Dot and I both thank you.

Needless to say, I canceled the appointment to euthanize Dot this evening. She managed to eat a little more when Janet came home from work this evening and is resting calmly now. I have no illusions. Dot's body is shutting down and I have no way to stop it. She is amazingly tenacious though and doesn't want to go. It was almost as if she heard me talking to the vet this morning and was telling me "don't count me out yet." I really hope she didn't hear me talking to the pet cemetery, because I had to do that today as well.

If you need to have your dog cremated, most of your options are far, far away. Maybe it is a city ordnance or something, but when the time comes I will need to drive fifty to seventy five miles to find a pet crematorium. I called the place that had helped us with Spot, Petey, and Greta and discovered that things had changed. The guy who had been so kind to us had retired due to health problems and two of the facilities three burners were out of operation. The lady who ran the place now said she would be happy to refrigerate Dot until they could get their crematorium operational again. I thanked her for the offer and began looking elsewhere.

I absolutely hate to do this sort of thing but it has to be done. A lot of people just leave their dog with the vet and return two weeks later to pick up a cedar box. That doesn't seem right to me. I have always stayed with my dogs until the very end. I have even carried them to the furnace and placed them in the oven myself. A nice lady I talk to today said that new OSHA requirements wouldn't allow me to do this anymore. One way or another, I'll still stay with Dot until the very end. I think she deserves that.

Today was full of ups and downs. Dot is clearly losing her battle to stay with us. She had a moment this afternoon where she proved she was definitely back in the game, but she had a lot of difficulty taking her evening meds. I have to put the pills down her throat now one at a time. I'm afraid to do this if she is not eating anything. She needs to keep swallowing for a little while to make sure the pill doesn't get stuck in her throat. I'm really glad I bought the Dogsure liquid. She drank a little between each pill and it saved the day.

Lucky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2355

Sometimes on a completely normal day I'll suddenly find myself feeling incredibly sad. I don't know why, but I suspect this is because a number of important things in my life are reaching their logical conclusion at the same time. Even on the best of days, I have to acknowledge that Dot is on a glide path, headed directly towards the Rainbow Bridge. It's amazing that she's made it this far. When I watch video tributes to dogs who have left this world, they make me cry. When I watch Dot take painfully slow steps from the bedroom to the kitchen, I remember days when she and Dash could run like the wind. I wish I could turn back time.

As Dot begins the final chapters of her journey, so does my business. It's hard to believe that twenty five years ago I started a company that would soon be making national Pepsi commercials and providing me with opportunities to work around the world. Like Dot's incredible life, I'm amazed that we've managed to make it this far. If only the clock turned a bit slower. When I pull my aching bones out of bed in the morning and survey my crumbling kingdom, it seems like everything happened way too fast.

There was a life before loving Dalmatians and running a small business, but I barely remember it. Did I really play bass in a rock band? Did I used to stay out late and laugh uproariously with friends? Was I really an architect? It all seems like dream memories now. Why did I ever move to Dallas? It's a mystery. All I know is that life is a jumble of memories and after a while you can't even put them in the proper order.

After a while I'll never remember that the plumber came today. He was very nice and tightened all the fittings to eliminate a leak that was so small that I probably should have just ignored it. I was hoping that Dot would ignore the plumber, but the part of her brain that guards the house is still working and she barked the entire time he was here. The plumber was gone in fifteen minutes, but Dot continued to pant and act agitated for the next two hours. She is so weak and tired now that it takes her a while to bounce back from anything.

Eventually Dot fell asleep and started breathing normally again. I started up the computer was was amazed to see that everything worked normally today. The UPS man delivered the new router sometime this afternoon, but I'm reluctant to install it. I think I'll just leave it in the box until things start acting up again. It crossed my mind that since tech support calls are usually monitored, maybe the supervisor of the idiot I talked to yesterday listened to my irate call and actually made the minor configuration changes I was requesting. If things aren't working tomorrow morning, I'll chalk today's smooth sailing up to pure coincidence.

Dot has her monthly recheck at the cancer center tomorrow, but since both ultrasound technicians are out sick, I wonder if there is any point in going. Dot won't mind if I have to reschedule, but I'd like to know what's going on. I worry too much already and knowing exactly why Dot has been so tired this week might help me keep things in perspective.

Chief is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day