Day 2713 - Memorial Day

Last night I thought we were near the end. When I took Dot outside to pee one last time around midnight, she threw up and then almost immediately stumbled and fell to her side. I initially thought she might have had a stroke, but it was just a bad fall. I'll never know for sure, but I think it was our fault that she threw up. We were worried that she hadn't eaten enough yesterday, so we fed her some more of the Dogsure supplement just before bedtime. This was probably a mistake. Dot drank a fair amount of water after she took her evening pills. With the addition of the Dogsure, she probably had too much liquid in her stomach. What she threw up was mostly liquid anyway.

After this incident, Dot seemed weak, but slept peacefully for the rest of the night. It all seems so complicated. If Dot eats too little, she will starve. If she eats too much, or too late at night, she will throw up. Dot needs to stay hydrated, but she can't always drink from her water bowl normally. When she has trouble drinking, we will feed her water with a syringe. Sometimes this triggers a normal drinking response and she will go to her bowl afterwards and drink even more water. Too much water is probably better than too little water, but it would be nice to get this just right.

I'm always worried that Dot isn't eating enough. Today she eventually ate almost a cup of dry food, about six ounces of sliced turkey, half an Italian meatball, and two slices of bacon. No wonder she has an upset stomach at night sometimes. I'd probably have a stomach ache if I ate the same thing. Dot doesn't always eat the right things, but you really don't want to withhold food from a dog that isn't eating enough. If she's eating anything at all, it's a good thing.

Last night Dot seemed so weak that I though I might have to make the dreaded euthanasia appointment. Right now I feel that Dot has eaten enough today and am happy that she is resting calmly. Later this evening, who knows what I'll be thinking. The time between 11 PM and 2 AM is always the worst.

Since today was a holiday, I had time to run a few errands while Janet was at home with the dogs. I went to Home Depot and bought a heavier rope to hang rugs up to dry after I wash them. I used to throw these rugs in the dryer after we cleaned them, but the rubber backing really made a mess of things. I also went to the REI Memorial Day Sale. I didn't find anything I needed and walked away empty handed. Buying things is losing its allure. All I really want now is sleep.

I'm dreading giving Dot her evening pills. For the past three days everything has gone fine until about an hour after her evening meds. This is when she becomes restless and occasionally throws up. Dot takes exactly the same pills two other times during the day and there is no bad reaction at these times. I don't know what makes the evenings such a problem. We'll hope for the best tonight. Dot needs a good night's sleep and so do I.

Emmitt is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2709

Today was just like yesterday. Dot wouldn't eat any breakfast and wasn't interested in food when she took her morning and afternoon pills. I used a syringe to feed her some of the Dogsure liquid supplement in the morning, but she didn't start eating on her own until almost 6 PM. She ate half a cup of her kibble, but not nearly enough for the day. I'm counting on her appetite returning one more time before we all go to bed.

I've discovered that Dot will only eat things that she is able to chew. If she tries to chew something and it falls out of her mouth, she won't touch it again. Unfortunately, this rules out a lot of tasty options. She really wanted to eat the flank steak today but it kept falling out of her mouth. I tried different sized pieces, but nothing worked. I think the reason she still prefers the dry kibble that has been her regular diet for years is that she can still chew the tiny pieces.

I've become obsessed with feeding Dot. I've got it in my head that if I fail, she will die. I know that Dot is very old and has lived long past her expiration date already, but that doesn't matter. I can tell she wants to keep going. Eating is one of life's fundamental pleasures. Dot has always loved to eat. I just wish I could find a more effective way to help her. My Dad enjoyed eating too. When Parkinson's Disease took away his ability to swallow, his doctors decided to use a feeding tube. The feeding tube was supposed to be temporary, but of course it wasn't. I think the doctors knew that it was never coming out. Looking back, I realize that Dad started to lose his will to live when that feeding tube was inserted. He would have rather have died choking on a juicy steak than have a nurse pump some tasteless goo into his stomach through a feeding tube every morning.

So how do I make Dot's last days pleasurable? She still gets her walks. We've taken care of the pain as well as we can. Eating is more complex. Dot definitely wants to eat. Unfortunately, the signals just aren't traveling reliably from her brain to her mouth. I'm really starting to believe that Dot does have some canine form of Alzheimer's Disease. Nothing else effectively explains what I am observing everyday.

I took a little nap while the dogs were sleeping this afternoon. When I woke up I realized that I should have gone to the pharmacy and picked up a prescription I'd run out of. Oh, well. I guess it won't kill me to skip a day. Even though life is very basic now, it is still hard to get everything done. I finally did climb up on the roof today and cleared away the standing water from our recent rain. I noticed a few new areas that need to be patched. I'll make another call to the roofer and maybe he'll be back out to the house by the Fourth of July.

I've started eating the food that Dot has rejected. I ate the salmon tonight for dinner. Maybe I'll eat the rest of the flank steak tomorrow. Dot's appetite finally did return about 10 PM when she decided that she wanted to eat Dash's food. Works for me. I have no idea what Dot will decide to eat tomorrow, but I do know that I'm going to have pancakes. Maybe she likes pancakes.

Ranger is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2708

Each day is different. Sometimes Dot wakes up at 6 AM and is ready for a walk. Other times she doesn't kick into gear until after dinnertime. I can never figure out what to feed her. None of the things she ate yesterday interested her today. I couldn't get her to eat anything at all this morning. Dot wasn't even drinking water. This was alarming enough that I took her outside after making sure she'd taken her morning pills and fed her water through a syringe.

Things didn't improve when it was time to take her afternoon pills. Basically, I had to put each pill down her throat without any food, because she wasn't eating anything. The only thing I got her to eat was a small piece of banana bread. Certain smells trigger food memories and others don't. If Dot spits something out after chewing it for a while, she won't touch it again. It's almost as if the saliva from her mouth spoils the taste for her. We waste a lot of food this way.

I was thinking that Dot would have to survive on the Dogsure liquid supplement today when Janet came home from work with a new bag of sliced turkey breast. I think Janet planned on eating the turkey herself, but when she offered a piece to Dot, she snapped it up. Somehow the smell of this turkey jump started her brain and she started eating again. She ate most of the turkey in the bag and then proceeded to drink a lot of water. It was already 7 PM at this point. Once again Dot had come back from the brink.

Her legs seemed weaker than usual today, so we used the wheelchair for our evening walk. Some of our neighbors stopped us along the way and wanted to pet Dot. Everybody in the neighborhood knows Dot, but many people don't realize how fragile and weak she is until they see her in the chair. I've gotten so good at walking Dot using the Help 'Em Up Harness that it often looks like she is walking normally. Trust me, she isn't. On our way home this evening we were joined by a mom pushing her disabled son down the street in a wheelchair. We didn't say much, but I could tell by the way she looked at Dot that she understood what we were going through. Dealing with disability is difficult. I have tremendous admiration for parents who have to deal with a severely disabled child. I don't know where they get the strength.

When we returned from our short walk, Dot went to her bowl and ate some kibble. I felt relieved. We were good to go for another day. I wish each day wasn't a cliffhanger. Realistically, Dot can't go more than two days without eating food. There are many mornings when I think we have reached the end, but somehow Dot's always manages to rebound. I have to remember that a good day today isn't quite as good as a good day last month. We have been slowly sliding downhill for a long time.

Janet went back to the store and got some more sliced turkey breast in case she still has a taste for it tomorrow. Dot doesn't like salmon anymore, so I guess that's what I'll be having for dinner soon. Our refrigerator is rapidly filling up with things that Dot ate once but won't eat a second time.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. Since we got such a late start today, I have a feeling that I'll be taking Dot outside to pee in the middle of the night again.

Ziggy is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2705

Dot didn't bounce back today. I tried everything I could think of, but she just wasn't interested in eating. Two day ago she was eating more than enough to sustain her. Now, we are right back to where we were a month ago. It all happened rather suddenly. Jeez. It doesn't seem like a month has passed since we initially became convinced that her body was shutting down. I was so proud of Dot's remarkable comeback. She was determined to beat the odds.

I'm worried again. If Dot can't eat, she doesn't have long. She was even having trouble drinking water today. For the first time, we used a syringe to make sure she was getting enough water and wasn't becoming dehydrated. We took her outside and used a large syringe to slowly squirt water down her throat. I was surprised at how well this worked. We had to give her the water slowly so she wouldn't choke on it, but she did swallow normally and seemed to appreciated the water.

Later in the day it occurred to me that we could use the same technique to make sure she got some food too. We still had a can of the Dogsure liquid supplement we bought the first time she stopped eating. She drank about a third of the can using the syringe and at least for a few moments, seemed to regain her interest in food. We were able to get her to eat a little bit of fresh salmon Janet went out and got for her this morning. Nothing else worked today. Dot wasn't eating ham, cheese, turkey, or the Ultramix stew.

Surprisingly, Dot still wanted her walks. The weather was cool after some severe storms last night and Dot was eager to go to the park. I didn't think she'd have the energy, since she wasn't eating, but she did surprisingly well. These short walks are very important to her.

Last night's thunderstorm woke everyone up except for Dot. She slept through the whole thing. Dash, on the other hand, was terrified. I finally got him to come under the covers with me and he calmed down a bit since he couldn't see the lightning anymore. He could still hear the thunder though. This was some of the loudest thunder I've ever heard. It sounded like mortar rounds landing next to the house. Dash curled up next to me and shivered and shook for the rest of the night.

We try not to leave Dot alone anymore. I went to the gym right after breakfast while Janet was doing some things around the house. When I returned, she left to do her errands. I was surprised to look up while I was on the hand bike today and realize I was the only person in the entire gym. I don't think this has ever happened before. It's a very large gym and there's always somebody there. Janet told me later that it was graduation weekend and that the old people who frequent this gym were probably watching their children or grandchildren graduate. Sounds plausible.

I hope Dot's appetite returns tomorrow. She's got to eat something. It would break my heart to have to put a dog down that wasn't ready to go. I'm not giving up on Dot yet. She came back from the brink once before and maybe she will again. When I walked Dot this evening I could see her determination. We'll give it everything we've got tomorrow.

Casey is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2682

I was so convinced this morning that Dot was telling me it was time that I called the vet and made an appointment to have her euthanized this evening. She didn't want to get up. She wouldn't eat or drink water. And her eyes had lost their sparkle. It looked like her body was shutting down.

I sat with her and cried for quite a while. About 2 PM she raised her head and gave me the look that said she needed to pee. I took her outside and then tried again to see if she would eat. Her response was tentative at first and then something in her brain kicked into gear. I was able to hand feed her almost a cup of her regular food and over a dozen of her favorite treats. I helped her up and she drank some water and then wanted to go outside again. Dot was back.

An anonymous blog reader suggested that I try seeing if Dot would drink Dogsure. I'd never heard of this product, but I went out and bought a few cans. The product was the canine equivalent of Ensure for humans. I was a little skeptical at first, especially since abandoning solid food and trying to live totally on Ensure contributed to my Dad's death. At this point I had little to lose though. I did a Google search and the product seemed to get great reviews from people who had tried it. Much to my surprise, Dot seemed to like the Dogsure and was able to drink it. More importantly, when I moistened her regular food with the Dogsure and fed it to her by hand, she was able to eat more of that too. I have no idea who sent me this tip, but Dot and I both thank you.

Needless to say, I canceled the appointment to euthanize Dot this evening. She managed to eat a little more when Janet came home from work this evening and is resting calmly now. I have no illusions. Dot's body is shutting down and I have no way to stop it. She is amazingly tenacious though and doesn't want to go. It was almost as if she heard me talking to the vet this morning and was telling me "don't count me out yet." I really hope she didn't hear me talking to the pet cemetery, because I had to do that today as well.

If you need to have your dog cremated, most of your options are far, far away. Maybe it is a city ordnance or something, but when the time comes I will need to drive fifty to seventy five miles to find a pet crematorium. I called the place that had helped us with Spot, Petey, and Greta and discovered that things had changed. The guy who had been so kind to us had retired due to health problems and two of the facilities three burners were out of operation. The lady who ran the place now said she would be happy to refrigerate Dot until they could get their crematorium operational again. I thanked her for the offer and began looking elsewhere.

I absolutely hate to do this sort of thing but it has to be done. A lot of people just leave their dog with the vet and return two weeks later to pick up a cedar box. That doesn't seem right to me. I have always stayed with my dogs until the very end. I have even carried them to the furnace and placed them in the oven myself. A nice lady I talk to today said that new OSHA requirements wouldn't allow me to do this anymore. One way or another, I'll still stay with Dot until the very end. I think she deserves that.

Today was full of ups and downs. Dot is clearly losing her battle to stay with us. She had a moment this afternoon where she proved she was definitely back in the game, but she had a lot of difficulty taking her evening meds. I have to put the pills down her throat now one at a time. I'm afraid to do this if she is not eating anything. She needs to keep swallowing for a little while to make sure the pill doesn't get stuck in her throat. I'm really glad I bought the Dogsure liquid. She drank a little between each pill and it saved the day.

Lucky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day