Day 1892

The days are starting to run together. I get up at 4 AM to take Dot out to pee. I go back to sleep again for a few hours. I walk Dash. Janet and I figure out a schedule for who is going to monitor Dot during the day. I do some writing. I work on a few websites. I take a shower. I worry about Dot some more. Now, what day is it today?

During one of the periods where it was Janet's turn to watch Dot, I went to the storage warehouse to look for my Anton Bauer Quad charger. I couldn't find it anywhere. Did I throw the charger away years ago because it was defective? Is it really at home somewhere? Is it hidden away behind a cardboard box in the storeroom somewhere? I don't have a clue. What is the use of having a storage warehouse if I can't find anything anymore?

On my way home, I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I was surprised to see that the price had doubled. "Has my coverage changed," I asked the pharmacist? It was a legitimate question, since insurance coverage is constantly changing. "No, your coverage is the same," the pharmacist said. "We just raised our prices."

I finished my component of the new business proposal that my friend and I are working on. He thought it looked good, but wondered whether we could deliver something so ambitious. I think this is doable, but we'll never know till we try. If we get this business, I'll be even busier than I am now. A lot busier. Busy is good though. At least I won't worry about vet bills so much. It's amazing how much better I've become as a writer since I've been forced to totally depend on this skill for a living. What I accomplish in an hour these days used to take me an entire day at the ad agencies. That being said, I had a lot more fun as a young ad agency creative. Work has been more of a chore than an adventure lately. That's what I like about this new proposal. If we get this gig, it is entirely possible that the adventure may return.

When my vet came over this afternoon to give Dot acupuncture and cold laser therapy, I asked her what she would do about surgery if Dot was her dog. "I'd probably go for it," she said, and then quickly added, "but only because I'm a vet." I wanted to ask "But what would you do if you were me," but of course she isn't me. This is a very rough surgery for a dog as old as Dot, and I don't have the knowledge or the resources that a good vet has. When she's having a good day I want to leave Dot alone. If she's only got a year left anyway, why make six months of that year an arduous recovery from major surgery? When Dot is having a bad day, I want to pull out all the stops and do everything possible. I need to remember that this go for broke attitude doesn't always work.

I still regret trying to intervene when we discovered Greta had liver cancer. The surgeon was very good, but the cancer had already metastasized and Greta was too old and weak to survive. She never even made it out of the hospital. Spot's second TPLO surgery was a mistake. The surgery on his left knew was so successful that we thought it would succeed equally well on the other knee when he tore a second anterior cruciate ligament. The second surgery failed. Spot was a lot older by then and even though the surgery was technically a success, Spot never walked again. It's hard to forget these things, even though many other surgeries succeeded brilliantly.

Janet is going to stay with Dot tomorrow morning so I can go enjoy my favorite breakfast. She goes to the gym almost every day now to stay sane. I depend on a great breakfast at least once a week.

Spot is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 1891

I got a call from an old friend this morning, asking if I'd like to work with him on a new business proposal. It was kind of therapeutic to have something to think about other than sick dogs. If we got this business, it would be fun to work on. Almost like old times. I gave my friend an enthusiastic "yes" to his proposal and will begin working on a budget for the project tomorrow.

Janet and I are having a tough time making a decision about spinal surgery for Dot. We have both talked to friends with back problems and some have opted for surgery while others wouldn't even consider it. Spinal surgery is very different from repairing broken bones or removing tumors. Even the surgeons themselves are very guarded about promising a successful outcome. All I know is that sometimes it works and other times it doesn't.

For the moment, Dot seems happy enough. She isn't depressed and doesn't appear to be in much pain. Dot spent a big part of her day sleeping before the injury and she still spends a big part of her day sleeping. She still very enthusiastic about eating her dinner and she can pee and poop relatively normally with my assistance. The only thing she really misses is her morning walk. I can see the disappointment in her face when I take Dash on a walk without her. If I walk Dash, Janet stays behind with Dot. If Janet walks Dash, I stay behind. One of the things I need to ask the neurologist before we make a decision is whether she will ever be able to take a normal walk again, with or without the surgery. Dot loves her walks, and if her walking days are already over, it might be pointless to put her through the trauma of risky major surgery for nothing.

This month's credit card bills took my breath away. The trip to Vandenberg Air Force Base to watch the satellite launch, the recent cancer re-checks and ultrasound imaging for Dot and Dash, along with Dot's recent MRI were all on the same bill. I definitely hope my friend's big new project materializes. One way or another, I'm going to have to step up my game a bit to pay for this stuff.

Dot's vet is terrific. She's going to make another house-call tomorrow to give Dot acupuncture and evaluate her condition. I've seen improvements in Dot's condition every single day, but I don't know whether these small changes will continue or ever be enough. Even with the prednisolone, Dot still can't stand up on her own. The question I have for all vets at one point or another is "what would you do if this was your dog?" Usually they're pretty honest.

All in all, today wasn't bad. Dot and I are working out a routine that gets us through the day. Janet already has a nice job offer on the table from someone she respects. For the past two days I've been able to take care of Dot while still completing my normal workload. Maybe we can get through this after all. It was even relatively warm and sunny today. By the time Dash and I took our evening walk, it was 60 degrees.

Bailey is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 1890

The hardest thing about caring for a sick dog is that they don't understand what's going on. Even in her weakened and very compromised condition, Dot still wants to go about her normal life. If I wasn't continually watching her like a hawk, Dot would attempt to drag herself around the house, further damaging her already fragile spinal cord. In situation like this you've got to confine the dog to a small safe space where they can't hurt themselves, while still providing enough attention and activity so they don't become terribly depressed. Since Dot is taking prednisolone, she doesn't even have the luxury of sleeping for long periods of time. The drug makes her drink lots of water and urinate frequently, so she has to go outside and pee every few hours. I have to be prepared to move her with the Help 'Em Up Harness on very short notice. So far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job with all this, but it's exhausting.

During the periods when Dot was sleeping today, I managed to write another new article and submit it to my client. There were also a variety of website management issues that needed to be dealt with along with some client correspondence that needed to be addressed. With my isolated, computer centered work environment, I imagine that my work life will continue pretty much as usual. I will still sit in a small room and stare at a large monitor for long periods of time. I can still do anything that can be accomplished using a keyboard and a phone. I just can't do anything else.

I was hoping the decision that needs to be made about surgery would become easier as I watched Dot's progress. So far, it hasn't. I see small signs of improvement each day, but they are very small. I don't know if it will be weeks or months before her condition becomes significantly better. The main problem is that I don't have months. If the prednisolone isn't effective at reducing the inflammation in her spine enough for Dot to stand on her own again, her paralysis will become permanent.

Dot's vet is going to come over to the house in a few days to evaluate her condition and give her another acupuncture treatment. I'm hoping that she is able to see something I might have missed. It was much easier to make a decision about Dot's abdominal and Dash's thyroid cancer last year. Even though the surgery was risky in both cases, they both had to have it, or they would die. The surgeon was also very confident about his ability to remove the tumors. Spinal surgery is a lot trickier. Removing a foreign object from the spinal cord without damaging the cord itself is a very delicate process and extremely difficult for the best of surgeons. The fact the Dot would have one of the best neurosurgeons in Texas doing the operation still wouldn't give her more than a 60% chance of success.

I've been through this before with other dogs, but I was younger then. I'm incredibly tired right now. I know it's just a matter of time before this crisis joins all the other traumatic moments in my past. Even the healthiest of dogs won't live forever. Janet will probably return to work as soon as this crisis is over. It's a mystery to me why she doesn't enjoy retirement, but it is an equal mystery why dogs don't live longer. Whatever happens, I'll still be here recounting the tiny details of daily life. Dot and Dash might not be able to make it until Day 5000, but I'm determined to hang in there.

Lexi is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 1888

How many dogs have a vet who is nice enough to make house-calls? I was delighted this morning when Dot's regular vet called and asked if I'd like her to come to the house so Dot could get an acupuncture treatment today. Acupuncture alone won't get Dot walking again, but it is very effective at releasing endorphins which can reduce stress and alleviate pain. Dot has always enjoyed her acupuncture therapy. It seems to relax her and leave her feeling better for the rest of the day. Even though she had one of her "stranger danger" barking episodes when the vet initially arrived, she quickly relaxed and almost fell asleep as the needles did their work.

I was hoping to hear some encouraging words about Dot's progress, but truthfully any progress so far has been minor and rather subtle. Dot can sometimes move her legs, but the rear legs cannot currently support any weight. I have to hold her legs up using the special harness that she wears almost all the time now. She appears stronger when something excites her. When she saw a car in the alley behind the house this morning, Dot wanted to go investigate like she usually does. She walked all the way to the back fence with me holding her up with the harness. If I hold the special harness just right and encourage her to walk very slowly, she can make somewhat normal walking motions. She attempts to move her rear legs forward too when she pees. I have to supply all the muscle for these efforts though. Unaided, she cannot get up, or walk at all. As soon as she gets a bit tired, she starts dragging her rear legs behind her even when I am holding them up with the harness. It is very discouraging. I've nursed sick dogs back to health before, so I know I have to be very patient. Keeping your expectations low doesn't make the job any easier though. It's easy to get very sad.

Putting Dot's dog bed next to our low platform bed worked out pretty well last night. Dot slept soundly and did not seem disappointed to give up her regular spot in the middle of the bed. Since Dot is taking prednisolone now, she can't make it through the night anymore without getting up to pee. After all we went through to cure her incontinence after the cancer surgery, I'm back to getting up in the middle of the night again. Having her sleep on the floor does make this process a bit easier. I don't have to wake up everybody else and getting her outside in time is pretty easy when she sleeps with her harness on.

Janet went to help with a Dalmatian Rescue event this afternoon, but it was no problem taking care of the dogs by myself. Typically, they just sleep during the day. At first I though that I'd have to have Dot next to me at all times, but I've discovered that I can use the baby monitor to keep an eye on her when I'm in another room. I'm going to have to learn how to manage on my own anyway. Janet hates retirement and I feel like it's just a matter of time before she goes back to work again. She's very good at what she does and people in her field are already trying to tempt her with job offers. I would welcome retirement in her situation, but that's just me. At the rate we're burning through money trying to keep these two dogs healthy, it would probably be good to have two incomes again anyway.

I have lots of vet friends and I often wonder how they handle the stress of seeing sick and dying dogs everyday. Vets have seen everything. My vet was trying to cheer me up this afternoon and she said, "At least Dot doesn't have Degenerative Myelopathy." This is certainly true, but not very comforting. It would be like going to my doctor about shoulder pain and having him say, "Well, at least you've still got a shoulder." I'm a good writer, but I think I'd make a very poor doctor.

I think about surgery vs. no surgery all the time now. Both choices have a reasonable chance of good or terrible outcomes. Basically, it's just a crap shoot.

Lucky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day