Day 2270

Dot seemed tired today. I wish I knew how the Palladia worked. The pills seem to be gradually taking a toll on her, but her decline could be just as easily caused by something else. Maybe the pills aren't working as promised and her weakness is really caused by the cancer's growth. Maybe all this has nothing to do with the cancer at all and I'm just witnessing the inevitable decline associated with old age. Something is happening, but it's almost impossible to know where to place the blame. Dot's blood chemistry and vital signs are remarkably good for a very old dog. Her appetite is excellent and she appears happy. She does have cancer though and the tumor is growing. I gave Dot her Palladia pills today. It's going to be hard to continue the chemotherapy through the trial period, but I know this is the best thing to do. I hate to see Dot get weaker, but if the pills stop the cancer's growth I think Dot would agree that it's a fair trade off. The important thing is that she is still happy and genuinely seems more eager to start each day than I am.

Today was slow. We don't see the stars as much on our morning walks because the days are getting longer. I did very briefly notice Venus very low on the Eastern horizon and Jupiter equally low on the Western horizon. This shows me how long we've been on this journey. When we started these morning exercise walks, both planets were very close together. It has been over a year since Dot's spinal surgery. I remember thinking last February that if the surgery gave Dot one more year it would be worth it. A year later, we're still here. The seasons slowly change and Dot and I are both getting older. Maybe we've got another year. Who knows. I think the only way to deal with these things is to take things one day at a time.

I think I've dealt with Dot's decline pretty well, but I wonder sometimes how well I'll deal with my own decline. There's this old man I see occasionally on our morning walks. I see him in the distance, pushing his walker inch by inch, taking impossible slow steps to reach his morning paper. When we moved to the neighborhood, he was in great shape and I would often see him working on his house. Time passes so quickly. I hate to think of myself pushing a walker to reach the morning paper. Well, that's not going to happen. I don't even read the paper anymore.

I do watch the news and was surprised to learn that oil executive Aubrey McClendon was killed in a car crash that some say was a suicide. I remember interviewing this guy about ten years ago when I did a documentary on the shale oil boom in Texas. Aubrey seemed to have it all. I remember being very impressed. Later his company failed and the board of directors removed him as president. I think he was under indictment for fraud as well. It's weird how things can change so dramatically. When I made the documentary I never would have dreamed that the price of oil would drop to twenty dollars a barrel and that Aubrey's high flying company would end up in ruins.

This cautionary tale reminds me that we live in a very strange world. I find myself repelled and strangely fascinated by the current political landscape. On one side, you've got a candidate who is on the verge of being indited for compromising national secrets. And on the other side, you've got a candidate that has been endorsed by both David Duke and Louis Farrakhan. You can't make this stuff up. If you're looking for a sign of the apocalypse, just keep watching your TV. I don't know what will happen, but I think I have been vindicated for preferring dogs over people.

Maggie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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