Day 1135

When the dogs and I returned from our walk this morning, there was a process server waiting for us on the front porch. I was served with a subpoena. WTF? Why would anyone sue me? I am one of the most unlikely people on the planet to get involved with a lawsuit. I don't do much of anything and I rarely even see people. When I read through the legal documents I had been served with, I discovered that I wasn't being sued after all. Instead, I was being asked to give a deposition. It was one of my clients who was being sued and they apparently decided to drag me along for the ride. According to Janet, this probably wasn't a wise decision. She doesn't think I should even be allowed in a courtroom. "You talk too much," she tells me. When I told her about the deposition, she admonished me to just answer the lawyer's questions. "Don't try to regale the court with all your weird long-winded theories," she said. "It won't end well."

I saw some kids painting on the trunk of a dead tree the other day, so this morning I walked over to the tree to get a closer look at their handiwork. It actually looked kind of cool. Especially when framed as a square Instagram photo. This chunk of tree art reminded me of my friend Chuck in Seattle. He used to tell me that anything was art if you put it in a nice frame. To prove his point, he gathered up a bunch of trash he found on the street, flattened it out, and had the debris professionally framed. The resulting "pictures" eventually wound up in a gallery show and ended up getting good reviews.

Erykah Badu drove by in her big black Porsche Panamera while the dogs and I were walking past her house this morning. Sometimes I'd like to be a celebrity driving a big black Porsche. It probably isn't all it's cracked up to be though. I'm probably better off just walking dogs and taking pictures of painted tree trunks. I remember meeting Richard Petty once back in the days when I was doing Pepsi commercials. He was a real nice guy and insisted on eating Kentucky Fried Chicken out of a big bucket with me and the film crew at lunch instead of going off with the clients to a fancy restaurant. The guy seemed so tired though. You had to yell in his ear because he was stone deaf from years of racing. Whenever there was a break in the filming, his business manager put him to work signing autographed posters. All day long he signed these things wearing a special glove so he wouldn't get carpal tunnel. What kind of a life is that? I bet celebrities get sued a lot too.

I've got to go see the doctors at the liver institute tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that at all.

Chloe is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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