If you measure days by your level of activity, today was pretty good. The weather was nice too, so I really can't complain. I'm finally getting enough sleep as well. It's nice to know that I have no trouble sleeping under normal circumstances. Rest and activity are good. The rest allows me to stay active and the activity should motivate me. Why do I not feel motivated?People keep suggesting things for me to do. Take a class. Volunteer. Go back to work. These are really just things my friends like to do. I need to find my own path. I've always been a clever person and have tended to work for praise. Being told you are creative over and over again can be a strong motivator to actually do something creative. Once you figure out what is going on, this doesn't tend to work anymore. I'm not looking for feedback these days. I need to find something that I intrinsically enjoy even if no one else in the entire world knew I was doing it.
I think about things like these while I'm at the gym. It's a kind of daydreaming where conclusions are unnecessary. I wonder if it is possible to do something significant if you don't have a goal? Maybe. My only goal in writing the blog was to write something for 5000 days. This sounds simple enough. You can't write for this long without thinking though. You are forced to explore your thoughts just to continue having something to say. Do this long enough and maybe you never become senile. Taking 10,000 steps a day is kind of similar. It's a mindless, repetitive activity, but it does keep you active. When I look around I find that I am healthier than people I know who don't take 10,000 steps a day.
I am not competitive at all. Even if I start taking 20,000 steps a day I will never have any desire to run a 5K. I won't join a yoga class or go to boot camp either. Even if I manage to keep writing until the day I die, I'll probably never care if anyone else is reading. I've been keeping journals long before the Internet even existed. I don't do a lot of talking. This is just a convenient way to make sure my brain is still working.
I'm happy enough to take long mindless walks and write about walking dogs and drinking fruit smoothies forever. Mowing the grass and removing water from the roof aren't part of the equation though. Even though I added quite a few steps by mowing the lawn after I got home from the gym this afternoon, it was still an irritating activity. I hate mowing the grass. The only reason I mowed today was that there is rain in the forecast all next week. If I didn't mow now, the yard would be a jungle by May.
I hope the forecast is wrong. I don't look forward to spending the week worrying about whether the roof is going to leak. Eventually it will leak again. I need to call the roofers who haven't submitted their bid yet. You'd think they'd be more interested.
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