Day 1135

When the dogs and I returned from our walk this morning, there was a process server waiting for us on the front porch. I was served with a subpoena. WTF? Why would anyone sue me? I am one of the most unlikely people on the planet to get involved with a lawsuit. I don't do much of anything and I rarely even see people. When I read through the legal documents I had been served with, I discovered that I wasn't being sued after all. Instead, I was being asked to give a deposition. It was one of my clients who was being sued and they apparently decided to drag me along for the ride. According to Janet, this probably wasn't a wise decision. She doesn't think I should even be allowed in a courtroom. "You talk too much," she tells me. When I told her about the deposition, she admonished me to just answer the lawyer's questions. "Don't try to regale the court with all your weird long-winded theories," she said. "It won't end well."

I saw some kids painting on the trunk of a dead tree the other day, so this morning I walked over to the tree to get a closer look at their handiwork. It actually looked kind of cool. Especially when framed as a square Instagram photo. This chunk of tree art reminded me of my friend Chuck in Seattle. He used to tell me that anything was art if you put it in a nice frame. To prove his point, he gathered up a bunch of trash he found on the street, flattened it out, and had the debris professionally framed. The resulting "pictures" eventually wound up in a gallery show and ended up getting good reviews.

Erykah Badu drove by in her big black Porsche Panamera while the dogs and I were walking past her house this morning. Sometimes I'd like to be a celebrity driving a big black Porsche. It probably isn't all it's cracked up to be though. I'm probably better off just walking dogs and taking pictures of painted tree trunks. I remember meeting Richard Petty once back in the days when I was doing Pepsi commercials. He was a real nice guy and insisted on eating Kentucky Fried Chicken out of a big bucket with me and the film crew at lunch instead of going off with the clients to a fancy restaurant. The guy seemed so tired though. You had to yell in his ear because he was stone deaf from years of racing. Whenever there was a break in the filming, his business manager put him to work signing autographed posters. All day long he signed these things wearing a special glove so he wouldn't get carpal tunnel. What kind of a life is that? I bet celebrities get sued a lot too.

I've got to go see the doctors at the liver institute tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that at all.

Chloe is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 633

We’re in the air and on the way home. I hope that what happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas. Pain is such a relative thing. Everyone has their own threshold. Maybe I’m a total wuss. On the other hand, maybe I’m a total idiot who took a Vegas vacation when he should have been in a neck brace. At any rate, I think I may have passed my own personal threshold when I found myself spending several nights in an expensive hotel, sleeping in an upright chair because it was the most comfortable place I could find.

We had a lovely dinner at Canaletto last night. I think it was a signal that the worst was over. The Northern Italian Ravioli was light, fresh and satisfying. I ate everything and actually felt like doing something after dinner. We went outside again to see a beautiful sunset, and then it rained. On the way back to the hotel, we stopped by Madame Tussauds. I'd never been to a wax museum before and it was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. You never get a sense of how large or small people are by looking at pictures. The wax figures are absolutely accurate. A lot of famous Hollywood people turned out to be much smaller than I thought they'd be. At some point, I came face-to-face with Richard Petty and I was stunned. I'd spent some time with Richard in the mid 90's when I was making a series of Pepsi commercials that featured the legendary NASCAR driver. I stood a few feet away from the wax figure and the effect was so real that I almost expected Richard to start talking. Not all the wax figures were this real, but this one brought back some fond memories.

I think Janet is going to be mad at me for a while for turning into the Howard Hughes of the Mirage. I seldom left the room, but that’s just the way it was. Things didn’t really start getting better until I gave up on the pain pills in total disgust and decided that “cold turkey” couldn’t be any worse. Almost immediately, I started feeling better. All the pills were doing was making me loopy. I was starting to see bugs flying around the bathroom that weren't even there. I’m so mad that my doctor gave me a big bottle of Tramadol when this medication obviously had no effect on my type of neck pain at all. Janet told me that she was worried sick that she’d come back from the casinos and find me OD’d on the floor. It probably was a very good thing the pills didn’t work, because if they actually did what they were supposed to do, I would have taken a lot more of them.

It will be great to see the dogs again. We’ve both really missed them this week. Dot and Dash always looked happy enough when we looked at them on the webcam, but I’m sure they’ll both give us one of those “how could you” looks as soon as we get them home. Luckily, dogs forgive very easily; especially when you remember to put dog treats in your suitcase.

Janet’s been having trouble with her computer and I told her that I’d take it to the Apple Store for her after she went to work tomorrow. “It’s Friday John,” she told me. “What day did you think it was?” Lord only knows. I don’t think I left anything at the hotel though.

Chief is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day