Day 2621

I need sleep. Dot gets frustrated now when she can't get up and circle around to find a new sleep position at night. All dogs do this, and Dot keeps trying even though it is difficult for her to move. Usually, I wake up before she has twisted herself into an awkward position. I help her do the little twirling motion that Dash does effortlessly five times a night and then we all go back to sleep. Lately, I've discovered that if Dot becomes agitated at night it is wise to take her outside to pee. If it's clear outside, I try to identify constellations in the night sky as she slowly walks around the yard, looking for the right spot. By the time I've gotten her settled into her bed again, I'm usually wide awake. Probably people with small babies find their sleep disrupted like this all the time, but it's a new experience for me.

Dash is acting weird again. We discontinued his anti-nausea medication a few days ago, so maybe he's feeling dizzy again. He didn't want to walk this morning and this afternoon he refused to leave the back yard. Sometimes it's hard to tell if Dash is sick or just being stubborn. I tried a second time to give Dash an evening walk after I'd had my own dinner and this time he was eager to go. He wasn't unsteady and nothing seemed abnormal at all. Go figure. I still think that the hesitation to move or walk might have something to do with his seizures, but I'm not a vet. Now I've got one more question to ask the doctors when I take Dot to the cancer center for her ultrasound scan tomorrow.

I wasn't really busy today and I thought seriously about taking a long nap to catch up on sleep, but Dot had other ideas. She's restless now during the day and frequently wants me to take her outside. Since she's incontinent, I don't want to ignore her, since it just causes her to pee or poop in the house. In and out we go, over and over again. When Dot is outside, she just wanders around aimlessly, smelling all the leaves on the ground. It takes a lot of patience to be her rear legs.

I wonder if life will ever return to normal again. Probably not. I feel lucky that I am still healthy enough to help the dogs during their senior years. Many of my friends have already had serious medical problems and would have difficulty lifting a Dalmatian. When I was a kid, my parents were healthy, but they both started falling apart when they were about my age. I wonder how many more good years I've got? Helping Dot walk is actually great exercise. Too bad the stress I'm experiencing probably negates most of the benefits of this strenuous physical activity.

I'm thinking of going somewhere new for breakfast tomorrow. I've been eating the same thing for several months now and even though it's delicious, I'm getting bored. I'm not even sure what I'm hungry for anymore. Maybe the food doesn't even matter. The whole idea of going out was just to have something to look forward to. A pleasant ritual that I can repeat on a weekly basis is much more important than the food.

I hope that Dot's cancer re-check goes well tomorrow. There have been some significant changes since her last exam and none of them are encouraging.

Joshua is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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