Day 2688

I'm having trouble with schedules. Dot has a schedule. Janet has a schedule. And Dash has a schedule. All these schedules are different. We get up early on Janet's schedule, so she can help with the dogs before she goes to work. Dot doesn't want to get up this early and won't eat much until almost 11 AM. Dash wants things the way they used to be where both dogs ate and walked together. We have to give Dot's pain pills before she is really ready, because she needs to take them every eight hours. If we started the pills later, she'd be taking the last set at three in the morning. Dash hates how long it takes me to feed Dot and usually starts his high pitched barking before we are finished. Even though Dot can't hear well now, she flinches every time Dash barks. I think Dot is starting to become nocturnal. Because she gets up late, she often isn't ready to go to bed with the rest of us. I don't have a schedule at all. I just try to keep things moving from one end of the day to the other.

Last night we had a reminder that Dot is still a very sick dog. She was sleeping peacefully, but woke up about 3 AM and started crying. I took her outside and she peed, but she still seemed uncomfortable and wouldn't go back to sleep. I got a pillow and sat with her on the floor. I could hear her stomach rumbling and suspect she had a belly ache. Since Dot gets hungry later now, she often feels like eating just before we all go to bed. This probably isn't a good idea. I'm just guessing about the indigestion. Dot could have been uncomfortable last night for dozens of other reasons. I slept on the floor with her, thinking that she'd probably throw up on me, but she held her food down despite all the stomach rumbling and eventually went back to sleep. This morning Dot seemed fine. I was exhausted though.

I had a lot of trouble giving Dot her pills today. Maybe Dot is becoming wary again, or maybe it was just me. There's an art to pilling a dog properly and I don't think I was quick or coordinated enough today. Eventually I got her to take all her pills and eat a modest amount of food, but the effort seemed to take forever. It doesn't help that Dash is becoming a picky eater as well. I have to mix in a little bit of Dot's food to get him to eat. It's all way too complicated. Dash has always had a sensitive stomach and it has taken us years to find a diet that he liked and was healthy for him. Now all that's out the window. I feed the dogs what they'll eat and just hope for some peace and tranquility.

I think my body is falling apart. I've lost five pounds in the past month and a half while still eating normally. This doesn't seem right. This morning, my right hand was swollen when I woke up and I could barely move my fingers. I'm pretty sure that holding Dot up caused this, but there is nothing I can do about it. I'm still deathly afraid of pain pills and refuse to take them. This leaves me with some pretty sore shoulders, knees, and wrists. I've seen what addiction to pain medication can do and I'm not going down that road. If I ever find myself in Dot's situation, I'll probably reconsider, but compared to Dot, I'm still pretty healthy.

When I was going out to pick up some Thai food for dinner tonight, the "Service Required" message came on in my car. Damn. Whenever I see that message on the dash, I know it's going to be expensive. I still do all required maintenance though. I'm pretty sure I treat my car better than I treat myself. Ordinarily, I'd take the car in tomorrow, but I think I'll wait a few weeks so the charges will appear on next month's credit card bill. There's enough on this month's bill already.

I'm not sure what I'll do for breakfast tomorrow. Going out on Friday morning just doesn't work anymore. Maybe if we all get up early, I can run out and pick up something in a to-go box while Janet is getting ready for work. I did take the trash out to the curb tonight, but I've still got to give Dot her nighttime pills.

Crosby is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 2686

Dot has eaten for three days now without throwing up. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a big deal, but considering the condition Dot was in last week, it is nothing short of miraculous. I called the oncologist today to give her an update and she had no explanation for Dot's surprising rebound. She just said she was happy for us and hoped that she'd see Dot again next month for her next recheck.

I'm so glad we didn't give up on Dot when things were looking very grim last week. We came very close to thinking she had no chance and that the kindest thing we could do was put her down. I honestly have no idea how she received a temporary reprieve from what everyone thought was inevitable. It's obvious that the new pain medication is much more effective. It's possible that pain was causing her body to shut down. Maybe the cancer is in some kind of remission too. Who knows. I'm not going to spend a lot of time analyzing this. The important thing now is to keep Dot eating.

I don't think Dot will ever chew or swallow normally again. If we can get food in her though, it comes out normally on the other end. Her digestive system seems to be working just fine. I've learned to take my time feeding her. She takes tiny little bites and sometimes you have to massage her throat to encourage her to swallow. Dot doesn't appear to be hungry early in the morning anymore, so I've moved her main meal to later in the day. The goal is just to get her to eat two cups of something by the end of the day. I haven't got there yet, but we're getting closer.

While Dot was sleeping, I went over to Snap Kitchen and picked up dinner for the next several days. I'm surprised at how popular places like Snap Kitchen and Nature's Plate have become. I suspect nobody has time to cook anymore. I love Snap Kitchen. The meals are delicious. The menu is very creative. And you can microwave everything when you get home in just a few minutes.

I've got to figure out what to do about Dash. He's getting jealous of all the time I'm spending with Dot. It's not like he really wants me to spend the same amount of time with him. He just wants Dot's food. I can't really feed the dogs the same thing. Dash has always had problems with crystals in his urine and he needs a low purine diet. Also, he'd be a fat little piggie if I fed him what Dot is eating now. Since he tries to steal Dot's food, I have to pen him in the back of the house while Dot is eating. I understand why Dash is mad. Sometimes it takes hours to feed Dot.

This whole experience has got me thinking about my Dad's last days. Like Dot, he had extreme difficulty swallowing. Dad's problem was Parkinson's Disease. Doctors gave him swallowing tests and when he didn't pass, they put in a feeding tube. He didn't want a feeding tube, but they didn't give him a choice. Hospitals and doctors are so afraid of lawsuits that they would rather make a patient miserable than risk the wrath of family and relatives if death was preventable. I know for a fact that Dad would rather have choked on a plate of barbecue than be fed through a feeding tube for the final three months of his life. I have a feeling that if someone had the patience to feed Dad the same way I'm feeding Dot, he would have done just fine.

So far, the hardest thing about providing hospice care is that every day is different. I like predictability, and there is nothing predictable about dealing with end of life situations. Dot's comfort level, sleeping habits, and ability to eat change from day to day. At some point during the day, there is always a surprise that I wasn't expecting. I'd like to think that I have a plan, but I'm really just improvising. There isn't an instruction manual for this sort of thing.

Bogart is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 2520

I can describe today in three words. All day rain. I got wet when I tried to walk Dash. I got wet every time I took Dot outside to pee. I got wet when I went to the bank. The pump isn't working on the roof, but it was too wet and slippery to go up and investigate. The dehumidifier was working overtime to remove the humidity from the air. Basically, today was a mess. According to the weather report, it's going to be this way all week. For some reason we always get a lot of rain between Halloween and Thanksgiving. I'm going to need a lot of patience to deal with this.

Maybe the rain destroyed my concentration. I had a couple of little projects around the house that went horribly wrong. I was going to superglue some old running shoes back together and ended up spilling some of the superglue on my leg. I ran to the bathroom to look for some nail polish remover, but discovered that the bottle was empty. Damn. It is very difficult to remove superglue from skin. I should have just thrown these shoes away. They're old and I have a new pair anyway. I don't know why I always feel compelled to fix things. At any rate, the superglue is probably going to remain on my leg until it eventually wears away.

I had a couple of minor website updates to complete today, but the work wasn't substantial enough to leave me feeling that I still had a career. I've got to come to grips with the fact that my real job these days is providing hospice care for a really old dog. Dot is a very special friend and I'd do anything for her. I wish being a caretaker made me happy though. Mostly it is very sad to watch a friend decline this way.

There is little evidence that I cleaned the house yesterday. Muddy paws and wet boots have already taken their toll on things. The yard is rapidly filling with falling Oak and Elm leaves and these quickly end up in the house as well. There is little reason to clean things up until the rain stops. Every time I open the back door, the floors instantly seem to get dirty again. Today the real challenge was just staying dry. I had a stack of bath towels by the back door to dry the dogs off with and kept the dryer running for my pants and the dog's harnesses.

I wonder if everything will return to normal after election day tomorrow? Whatever happens, half the country will be terribly unhappy. I hear both candidates saying that they want to unite the country again. Lots of luck with that. I voted, but I don't feel optimistic that my vote will make a difference. My vote will just cancel your vote. We have become so divided that I don't see how we move forward.

Maybe it won't rain all day tomorrow. Even a dismal election will look a little brighter if I can see the sun.

Chase is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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