Day 2696

If you are a regular reader, you are probably wondering how long things are going to go on like this. Is Dot getting better? Is she getting worse? What is her quality of life? I wonder about these things too. When Dot is eating and has some energy, I am tremendously encouraged. When she shows no interest in getting up, I am discouraged. When something unexpected happens, like vomiting in the middle of the night, I am alarmed. All I can tell you is that Dot isn't ready to leave us yet. There's always a point in the day when she is determined to take our short, but very slow, walk to the edge of the park. There are moments when she still barks at Dash, as if to say "Remember I'm still the alpha dog around here." I never know when she is going to become hungry, but when she does I'll hold her up by her bowl as she slowly eats her dinner one kibble at a time.

Today was like most days this week. There were high points and low points. The Cerenia pills definitely helped her sleep. There was no nausea last night and Dot slept comfortably all night. When Dot sleeps comfortably, we all sleep comfortably. I got more sleep last night than I have all week.

This morning, Dot wasn't hungry, but she did have energy. Luckily the weather was cool and we were able to take a nice walk to the edge of the park and sit in the grass for twenty minutes. I'd like to say that things got better and better, but Dot didn't have much of an appetite today. I had difficulty getting her to eat until very late in the day. When she did eat something around sunset, it wasn't enough to make up for the food she missed earlier in the day.

Every day is like this. Some days mornings are good. Other days, afternoons are better. Dot doesn't eat much, but the food she is eating now is nutritious and good quality. We do our best to make sure Dot is well hydrated and not starving herself. There are many small meals throughout the day. Dot eats when she wants and sleeps when she wants. If she heads toward the back gate, I take her on a short walk. I don't know how long she has left, but the goal is just to keep her happy, out of pain, and as well nourished as we can during her remaining days. It's not an easy job, but I feel that it is well worth the considerable effort it takes.

I didn't end up cooking this morning after all. I just didn't have the energy. I got some pancakes in a take-out box at a nearby restaurant and came home again. There were so many dog things to do this morning that it was almost noon before I got around to actually eating the pancakes. This is definately a work in progress. I'm still having problems keeping Dash from getting jealous when I'm feeding Dot. It's best if I do this while Dash is sleeping in the bedroom, but it doesn't always work out that way. Things need things to be calm and quiet while Dot is eating. If Dash starts barking, or swoops in to steal her food, progress usually stops.

I try to make a big deal about feeding Dash too, so he feels special. This has been partially successful, but dogs are dogs and Dash just isn't able to resist the sight of me sitting on the floor with Dot, surrounded with little plates of turkey, cheese, and other tasty food. Usually, if I can get Dot interested in food with something really tasty, she will then want me to hold her up so she can eat her regular kibble from her bowl. I'm counting on this, because it is the regular food she eats that is keeping her nourished.

My phone has been giving me problems lately. Almost every day I get an error message saying "No SIM card installed." Of course, there really is a SIM card and the phone works normally again once I turn it off and on again. It's just irritating. Today I thought I'd take the SIM card out and clean it. Hey, I've already tried everything else. I never realized that the SIM card was so small. I almost lost it when I popped open the tray and the little card fell on the floor. The SIM card is probably dirtier now than it was before, but the phone still works.

We're not going to give Dot a Cerenia pill tonight to see whether the nausea returns. In many ways it would be easier to just keep giving her the pills, but this is not a medication designed for long term use. We need to know what is causing the vomiting too. It might not be nausea at all. I hope that everyone sleeps well tonight and that the weekend is peaceful. We all need to recharge our batteries.

Dodger is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2694

I talked with two vets today. One was very pessimistic about Dot's future while the other was slightly optimistic. I guess the difference of opinion comes down to how you define "quality of life." If I'm happy for an hour each day, I'm good. I probably assume that Dot thinks the same way. How can you ever know for sure? I think that Dot is still happy because she seems to enjoy her short walks and barks whenever she needs attention. Maybe she's miserable though. She certainly can't do much in her diminished capacity.

I"m feeling uncertain today because we got off to a terrible start. After spending most of the day yesterday making sure that Dot got enough food, she ended up throwing up everything she ate around two in the morning. One vet told me that the symptoms Dot was exhibiting just before she threw up indicated that she was nauseous and suggested giving her a Cerenia pill before bedtime tonight. The other vet was worried that Dot's impaired swallowing was causing food to back up in her esophagus and she was regurgitating it before it ever reached her stomach.

It's all getting very complicated. Dot is supposed to be eating bland food like chicken and rice or low fat cottage cheese. These things don't appeal to her though and it's easier to get her to eat rich, strong smelling food containing things like duck or venison. The rich food is likely to cause an upset stomach and could lead to her throwing up again. After the phone calls I made today, it became apparent that it wasn't really OK to let Dot eat anything she wanted. Nobody answered my questions about how to convince her to eat things that don't appeal to her. It's hard enough to get her to eat anything at all. If she continues to throw up, dehydration becomes a real worry. I already worry that she's not getting enough water because she takes such tiny little sips.

I went out and bought some low fat cottage cheese this evening. We'll add that to the growing array of choices that Dot already has. I'm kind of at my wit's end. Every positive thing we do for Dot seems to be accompanied by negative side effects. I guess I should expect this. All medicine is this way. Just look at the commercials on TV from the pharmaceutical companies. The disclaimers about all the horrible things that can happen if you take their pills are often longer than the commercials themselves.

Dot still doesn't have much interest in eating until later in the day. This means that she'll probably go to bed again with a full belly. I hope she doesn't get indigestion. I've been trying to keep her active for a while so that the food she eats with her final set of pain pills actually gets out of her esophagus and into her stomach. I gave her a Cerenia pill too. With any luck, we'll all sleep a little better tonight.

This morning while I was walking Dash, I saw a Great Egret catch and eat a fish. Nature is cruel and beautiful. I watched in fascination as the Egret ate the fish, thinking that I'd sure hate to hand feed one of those birds.

Chief is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2446

I ran a bunch of small errands today. Nothing I did was absolutely necessary, but it gave me something to do. I got some astringent at the pharmacy, because after all these years, I still have oily skin. I stopped by the storage warehouse to see when my yearly rent was actually due. I got gas for the car, even though it only needed a few gallons. I picked up some more CoQ10 because my doctor thinks I need to take it. I stopped by the vegan take out place to see if the menu had changed yet. It hadn't. Basically, I was just kind of bored.

The weather has gotten really hot again. The cool, rainy days we had a few weeks ago seem like a fluke now. I wonder if I just imagined them. It's weird how the days seem to suddenly get shorter around this time of year. We're taking our early morning walk in the dark again now. Last year at this time, the walks were kind of interesting because there were lots of planets in the pre-dawn sky. Now, there appears to be nothing. I'll have to check a star atlas to see if there's anything to keep my eye on. I wonder why Daylight Saving Time doesn't end until November 6? This seems later than usual. Morning sunlight will return for a while after the time changes, but then it will be dark on our evening walks. You can't win.

Dash had a burst of energy this morning, so his walk was twice as long as it normally is. I watched him, looking for any signs of stumbling and didn't see any. Everything seemed fine. This was so different from yesterday that it seemed puzzling. Something is wrong with Dash, but I just can't figure out what it is. I did make an appointment for his neurological exam, so maybe I'll find some answers then. For the moment, it was nice to take a long walk again. It gave me a chance to see if anything had changed in the neighborhood. There were a few houses up for sale and a few more under construction. Dash was relaxed today because we didn't encounter many other dogs. We basically had the park to ourselves.

I keep getting e-mail messages from one of my doctors, urging me to sign up for their Patient Portal. I dutifully followed their instructions today and created an account. These electronic records systems are touted as being great for patients, but I'd really rather just have a piece of paper that I could put in a ring binder. A ring binder lets you keep all the information in one place and you don't need to remember any passwords. When I went to my new Patient Portal page, I was surprised to see that there was absolutely nothing in my file. What is the point of a record keeping system with no records?  I have three or four of these Patient Portal accounts with different doctors. I can't remember the password to most of them. Technology marches on, I guess.

I can't decide where to eat breakfast tomorrow. Sometimes when I'm in an indecisive mood, I check the Yelp reviews for restaurants in the neighborhood. I've noticed a general trend. It doesn't matter which restaurant you pick. The majority of the reviews tend to say things like "This place used to be a favorite of mine, but it has really declined lately." That's the way I feel and I'm surprised that so many other people tend to feel the same way. Has quality universally declined, or has everybody just gotten picky and judgemental? I don't know. I think the quality of life in general has gone downhill. Restaurants are just a small part of the problem.

Pinky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 1549

We've got a long journey ahead of us. I got a call from Dash's oncologist today and she told me that after a review with the pathology lab, she and the other doctors recommend that Dash begin radiation treatments immediately with additional chemotherapy as needed. Evidently, the carcinoma the surgeon removed proved to be an aggressively growing type and they are worried that some cancer cells might have already spread beyond the tumor site. Since this type of cancer tends to invade the bloodstream, it could go anywhere. This is why they recommended radiation plus chemotherapy. In the worst case scenario, the treatments could last up to six months. They would begin with three radiation treatments a week, chemo would be added at some point, and then very gradually the treatments would taper off.

I tried to find out if we could just discontinue the treatments if they were making Dash miserable, but I couldn't really get a straight answer. For just about every question I asked today, the answer was "it depends." Apparently treating cancer is not an exact science. I have a call into the head oncologist to see if I can find out more details about the treatments and possible side effects. I'm OK with the therapy, but I'm more concerned about Dash's quality of life than the number of years he lives. I don't want him to suffer from the cancer, but I don't want him to suffer from the treatment either.

The cancer center wants to begin radiation treatments on Monday. I asked how they determined if the treatments were successful and they gave me a very ambiguous answer. I don't think doctors really know if a cancer ever completely leaves your body. They just feel successful if you are still alive after a certain point. It was pretty clear that the people I talked to today thought that Dash's cancer would just grow back if we did nothing. When doctors say a cancer is aggressive though, you don't know if they are talking about three months or three years.

I am so tired of medical problems. I have to get my blood tested every two weeks to make sure my hemoglobin levels don't fall dangerously low during my Hepatitis C treatment. The last thing I need right now is a heart attack. I take Dot for water therapy and acupuncture every week to keep her leg muscles from atrophying. Now Dash has the toughest journey of all. We are lucky that we caught the cancer at an early stage. We are unlucky that this not one of those slowing cancers that Dash might outlive on his own. I don't think doing nothing is even an option at this point.

I called my accountant today and told him I might not have time to get my tax information organized properly. He told me to just dump everything in a big envelope and he would figure it out. I wish I could just dump my entire life in a big envelope and have someone else figure it out. Things are getting complicated. You've got to keep moving forward though. I'm still going out for breakfast tomorrow. I'm still cranking out an unbelievable amount of work. I may quit the Wednesday networking group though. I love the bacon for breakfast, but business networking just isn't my style. What was I thinking? Honestly, I was probably just thinking about the bacon.

Wyatt is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day