Day 3758

I'm always curious about what is going on in my own industry. Have you noticed the enormous number of new commercials on TV lately? Everybody seems to have a brand new commercial about how their pizza is untouched by human hands after it leaves the oven or a message that you can still buy all your favorite things online. We're all in the together, these commercials say. How are these commercials even getting made? The last time I looked, most of my friends in the business were considered non-essential and are currently unemployed. It takes a lot more than ten people to produce most commercials and a lot of these new ones look pretty sophisticated. Is there an exemption I don't know about, or are a ton of people just ignoring the rules?

I've also wondered with all the news about infected cruise ships and aircraft carriers why anyone would think that it would be a good idea to send a ship to the rescue in New York City. What could possibly go wrong? At first the Navy said the hospital ship would only be used to relieve the pressure on other hospitals by taking non-coronavirus overflow patients. There were good reasons for this. I remember seeing an interview with the captain of the ship saying that it was next to impossible to disinfect a ship. Now, here we are only a few days later and the ship is taking Covid-19 patients. Go figure.

Who decides what is essential? I see roofers, lawn care services, and tree trimming companies continuing to work normally in my neighborhood. If anything, they are even busier than usual. If I owned a small neighborhood business, this would seem terribly unfair. Most of these little shops were struggling to stay in business on a good day and usually had only a few customers at a time. When you leave Walmart open and shut down all the little neighborhood businesses, it is going to destroy them. Personally, I'm glad that I am retired. I would be so mad if I were still trying to keep a business alive.

My big activity of the day was mowing the grass. I should have done this several weeks ago, but it has been too wet and rainy this Spring. The grass was tall and the mower really wasn't up to the job, but I got it done. Sometimes I like having an electric mower, but when the grass is tall I wish I still had a gas powered mower. At least my battery is still good. I've been keeping it inside all winter and it seemed to help.

Janet and I knew it was going to be hot today so we took Dawn on a very early walk. Like all our Dalmatians, she doesn't like the heat. The sunrise walk was actually very nice and Dawn loved the cool morning air, but the new schedule made eating breakfast even later than usual. Janet was already fixing her lunch by the time I finished drinking my smoothie. I should make a smaller smoothie, but I  like the recipe and can't be bothered to change the ingredients. Two eggs is easy. So is a whole banana. What would I do with a left over half of a banana?

It's pretty clear that this virus isn't going to bring us all together. It's a shame that our country is just as hopelessly divided as it ever was. I'm glad I'm not making the decisions. You'd probably hate them. I'm not going to argue with you though. If you like dogs, you're OK with me.

Cooper is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1727

When I go to the gym, I warm up for twenty minutes using the hand bicycle. Most people start by jogging around the track or using one of the treadmills for a while, but the hand bike works for me. I spend so much time walking the dogs that my legs are fine. It's my upper body that need work. All I do with my arms and upper body is type. The first five minutes on the hand bike are murder. My joints ache and my arms are sore. Then my body starts to warm up and I get into a rhythm. By the end of the twenty minutes, I'm daydreaming as usual and I've almost forgotten that I'm using the machine.

That's the way it is with most things in life. I hate getting out of bed in the morning. When I wake up, all I want to do is roll over and go back to sleep again. I do get up though. I get up at the same time even on days when I have had little sleep. By the time I've made the bed and prepared my morning coffee, life seems bearable again. After walking the dogs and eating a leisurely breakfast, I've almost always forgotten how much I disliked getting out of bed just a few hours earlier.

The dogs probably felt this way today. Dot and Dash both got a bath this morning and Dash suffered the additional indignity of going to the vet to have his anal glands expressed. As much as the dogs protest these occasional trips to the local dog washing emporium, they always feel better afterwards. They stop itching and scratching for a while and concentrate on more important things like begging for treats. A bath is kind of like a thunderstorm for Dot and Dash. As soon as it's over, they totally forget it was something to worry about.

Before going to the gym today, I watched the new Dr. Who episode that I taped last night. This show, which involved taking Clara to meet Robin Hood, was much more entertaining than last week's awkward trip inside a Dalak's head. I think the scriptwriters are getting used to writing for Peter Capaldi. One of the benefits of watching your favorite shows using a DVR is that you can skip all the commercials. Maybe I'll start watching more shows this way. Either commercials are much worse than they used to be, or I've just lost my tolerance for them. They break up the narrative and are generally irritating. I can't believe that I spent a big chunk of my life writing these things.

My new phone is kind of mysterious. Even though it looks identical to the phone it replaced, there is something different about it. The phone runs IOS 7.1.2, just like the old phone. The same apps are installed. So why does it act so differently? I bet that Apple has updated the firmware of its later model phones. It doesn't really matter anyway. The iPhone 6 will make its debut in a few weeks anyway.

Dot had another good day today. No accidents at all! Maybe the pills are starting to work.

Chief is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1244 - Mother's Day

I should have paid more attention to my Mom when I had the chance. It's way too late now. Both my parents have been dead for many years. Mom died way too soon. She would have loved the Internet and all the new opportunities it brought. Mom was a champion of lost causes and would have been delighted to discover that there were other folks who thought the same way as she did. The Internet is good for that sort of thing. As it was, she fought her battles more or less alone. Towards the end of her life, she took me aside and told me, "You're the writer in the family. You're going to have to tell my story, because nobody else will." I wonder why it slipped her mind that there was another, more celebrated writer in the family. I don't know whether Mom would have liked what I wrote. I was never good at reading her mind. She certainly had me pegged pretty well though. And she did make a difference. Thank you Mom.

Dot occupies the role of Mom in our house. She knows she's in charge and does an amazingly good job of keeping Janet and I punctual, while doing everything in the proper order. Dash never listens to me, but he does listen to Dot. All it takes is a stern look or a low growl to put an end to his bad behavior. Dash isn't scared of Dot, but he does respect her. The girl has an air of authority about her that every dog in the dog park understands. If Dot was a person, she'd have made a great Mom.

The dogs and I had a quiet day. I took them on an extra long walk this morning to compensate for missing their outing to the dog park. While they both took a snooze after we returned, I watched a movie on Hulu. I wonder if there's any way to turn off those irritating commercials on Hulu. One of the reasons I signed up for Hulu in the first place was to get away from commercials. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Whenever someone comes up with a good idea, the first thing they want to do is monetize it.

Later in the day, I went back to Central Market and got some more tasty food from the deli counter. I like to eat, but I really don't like to cook. I think I've got enough now to last until Janet gets back. Never mind that there's tons of food in the freezer. I never open the freezer. That's Janet's side of the fridge.

We slept in longer than usual this morning. The dogs aren't very good alarm clocks. They'll get up when the sun starts streaming through the bedroom window, or when they hear Janet making their breakfast. Whichever comes first.  We'll probably get up late tomorrow as well. I'm certainly not getting up before the sun starts streaming through the bedroom window.

Dixie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1147

My learning journey continues. Oatmeal mixed with fresh blueberries and strawberries and sweetened with a little Stevia is actually delicious. Who would have thought? Maybe I can live without bacon after all. I also learned that the Kale I'm eating in my salad is actually the very same purple plant that I used to buy in pots at the garden store to put on the front porch during the Winter. I always thought these ornamental plants were pretty, but never knew you could eat them. I certainly had no idea they were healthy.

I wish I would discover some equally enlightening things about my chosen profession. I'm really starting to get burned out with what advertising has become in recent years. The stuff I write never was intended to be Anna Karenina or Moby Dick. It's depressing how mindless advertising messaging has become however. For the past three or four years I keep thinking that the Super Bowl ads keep getting worse with each succeeding year. There is no subtlety anymore. It's all rudeness and explosions these days. Coke, GoDaddy, Priceline... there wasn't a coherent idea between them. I didn't even like a lot of the commercials that the young bloggers gave rave reviews on their websites. I thought the Taco Bell spot with the old people escaping the retirement home was kind of insulting and even though I thought the Tide "Stain" spot was clever, it wasn't that great. On the other hand I did like some of the commercials that the young folk thought were insulting. The Volkswagen spot featuring white people talking like Jamaicans was panned by many reviewers who said the spot was racially insensitive. What a bunch of politically correct nonsense. That Volkswagen commercial was one of the few genuinely funny spots I saw all night.

Like many of you, I loved the Paul Harvey "Farmer" spot for Dodge Ram. I was terribly disappointed however to discover that the Dodge Ram ad agency didn't actually come up with this idea. A much smaller Chicago agency had already used the exact same Paul Harvey dialog in another commercial earlier. This is sad to me. Copying has become so mainstream that people don't even think it is wrong anymore. Most of my clients would actually rather copy or emulate something that already exists than to take a chance on something genuinely original. I haven't been asked to do anything genuinely original in years.

I was really busy today, but like I've already mentioned, I wasn't doing much original thinking. That monkey the Iranians sent into space recently could have taken my place today. I changed out pictures on websites. I paraphrased things I found on Wikipedia. I replied to mindless questions with equally mindless answers. Maybe something original will happen tomorrow.

Duke is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 652

Today, I went back and forth between writing an article about the new Versace Collection at Milan Fashion Week, as if I was actually there, and looking for a good picture to memorialize Edgar the dead cat. What a twisted path my career has become. I used to write nice normal television commercials about fast food and soft drinks. Today I sling words together in ways I never would have dreamed possible during my ad agency days. It's a living, I guess. At least I can sleep in till 9 and I don't have to face rush hour traffic.

Occasionally, I wonder if there are even any nice, normal television commercials to write anymore. All I see on TV these days are commercials for pharmaceutical companies with a message that is basically a long legal disclaimer that says there's a good chance this drug will probably kill you, but hey, why don't you try it anyway, just in case it might work on you. The only other thing on TV are all the ads for lawyers that say if you were foolish enough to take one of these pills that are advertised on TV, call 1-800-BAD-DRUG immediately and you may be eligible for a financial settlement. It's definitely a weird world we live in.

The aggressive dog didn't come back to training class tonight, so everything was a lot more relaxed. Dash would have done really well if he didn't have a guy with a bad neck on the other end of his leash. Dot had one of her best night's ever. The only bad thing about class tonight is that it's starting to get dark again. By the time class was over, it was completely dark and we were all standing under little pools of artificial light, wondering where the Summer had gone.

Spanky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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