Day 2470

I was thinking about freedom and discipline while I was at the gym today. I've always hated rules and regulations, but I'm certainly not much of a free spirit. I think of myself as a highly disciplined person with a poorly defined sense of purpose. If I start something, I finish it. Period. Don't ask me why I started though. This apparent contradiction certainly sums up my trips to the gym. I'm no slouch and work out strenuously, but I have no goals. I'm not sure if I've achieved anything at all. Maybe I just go to the gym so I can listen to TED talks in the car while I'm driving there.

I hate vacuuming, but I vacuum the house with a vengeance almost every Sunday. That's discipline. Moving the dog beds around, cleaning all the rugs, and then cleaning the brick floors under them takes a lot of time. There is always an enormous amount of dirt and dog hair in the Dyson canister when I'm finished, but the house doesn't look any cleaner. How could I keep removing all this dirt and there's still more? It seems to violate some fundamental law of physics. At some point you'd think all the dirt would finally be gone. I feel the same way about the dehumidifier. Gallons of water are removed from the house every day, and yet the moisture in the air never really disappears.

The combination of a roof that turns into a lake every time it rains, bills that keep arriving whether you spend any money or not, industrious spiders that obscure the living room windows with new webs every evening, squirrels and possums that work tirelessly to destroy the lawn, dust and dirt that seems to have acquired a life of its own, and a dog that poops in the house every time I decide to take a shower, all require discipline just to stay on top of things. I don't feel like I've got the freedom to ignore these intrusions. You've just got to keep going to keep the chaos at bay.

So, am I having fun at the gym? I really don't know. I don't hate going, but I don't love going either.  It's just 63 minutes out of my day. I'm starting to feel the same way about going out for breakfast or even writing this blog. I don't question any of these things, but have forgotten what it was that made any of this seem like a good idea. Occasionally, someone asks me what I'm passionate about. I just give them a blank stare. It's discipline, not passion that keeps me going.

None of this is a bad thing. I'm actually a relatively happy person. Maybe it's just me, but I think a lot of people would be better off if they substituted discipline for passion. Just finishing what you started can be it's own reward.

Tomorrow, I'll start the day by making the bed. I'll concoct a delicious smoothie from strawberries, blueberries, peaches, bananas, eggs, oatmeal, and ice cream. The dogs will get walked. If there's a writing assignment, I'll do it quickly and efficiently. If no work comes my way, maybe I'll wash the car. That's probably enough for a Monday. If something surprising happens, you'll be the first to know.

Puppies are today's Dalmatians of the Day

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Day 2359 - Memorial Day

Memorial Day makes me think of my parents. They both served in the Navy during World War II. Neither of them was career military, but their service mattered to them in a way I never fully understood. Tom Brokaw was right when he described people like my Mom and Dad as the Greatest Generation. They had a determination and sense of purpose that has not been seen since. When I reached the age where men serve in the military, I had very ambiguous feelings about Vietnam. I've had ambiguous feelings about war ever since. People like my parents didn't feel this ambiguity. They knew with absolute certainty that the Germans and the Japanese must be defeated and that's what they did. The world is different now, but it isn't necessarily better. We've lost that sense of purpose that made my parents generation so unique. On days like today, I remember how special they were and wonder if we will ever see anything like them again.

It was a beautiful day today, but it didn't really seem like a holiday. Janet went in to work after we gave the dogs their morning walk and I ended up spending most of the day working on a new writing assignment. I could have waited, but the client said this was a time sensitive job and I still like to be responsive. The park was full of picnickers this afternoon, but I had no desire to join them outside. Sitting in an air conditioned house and writing seemed to make a lot more sense that working in the yard and getting bit by hundreds of mosquitoes.

May is gone. Only one more day left. I'm a Gemini with a birthday in June, but I'm not really looking forward to it. Birthdays just remind me how old I am. I wish time would slow down a bit. I still feel like I've got places to go and things to do, but I could easily spend the rest of my time doing laundry if I'm not careful. Maybe tomorrow I'll be filled with a sense of purpose. I could use a sense of purpose. It wouldn't have to be the same sense of purpose my parents had, but anything would be beneficial at this point. I need to aim for something more realistic than making Dot young again but more ambitious than cleaning the car.

We're going to try to resume Dot's water therapy this week. That's a little ambitious, but not too much. Dot has been getting stronger and we've got to try sometime. We'll also be meeting with the dog walker who is going to be helping with Dot while Janet is on vacation. I could use a vacation too, but now is not the time. Until that time comes, I'll amuse myself with discovering more efficient ways to clean up dog poop and experimenting with different ingredients in my morning smoothie. I've got fresh peaches this week.

Ollie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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