Day 4367

Today was uneventful. I wanted to sleep longer this morning even though I got plenty of sleep. It was warmer when we took Dawn on her sunrise walk today. It was also very foggy. Construction on the trails in the park has blocked some of the routes we used to take, but this doesn't seem to have bothered Dawn. The short little one mile loop that provides the quickest path back to the house is still her favorite.

I spent some extra time walking today because I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to do. I've had three 20,000 step days in a row now. Walking is a good way to avoid things. You're really not doing anything, but you feel good about it. It's a lot better than just sitting in a chair. I let my mind wander while I walk, but I don't have many profound thoughts. I basically do the same things I used to do as a kid when my parents took us on car trips. I count animals. I try to identify brands of cars at a distance. I think about what I'm going to have for dinner. I have no plans to save the world and very few big dreams. When I hear someone say they are passionate about something I am mystified. What is that even about? A lot of things are interesting, but I don't think I've ever been passionate about anything.

I've joined a lot of interest groups on the Internet over the years and I'm continually amazed at the time and energy some people put into their hobbies. Amateur astronomers are always trying to outdo each other with pictures of their telescopes. These guys spend a fortune on telescopes. Watch collectors used to do the same thing but I don't see as much interest in watches anymore. The Apple Watch has kind of taken over the watch market. Model railroading has almost disappeared. I don't think younger people are very interested in trains. Some of the dog show people are pretty intense, but I do enjoy seeing pictures of their dogs. I used to be interested in art, but I sold most of my collection. I don't miss any of the things that used to hang on our walls. I still get e-mail from the galleries and auction houses though. They must think I have more stashed away somewhere. Pick your passion, I guess. There seems to be an unlimited number of things you can obsess about.

The stand for the new TV arrived today. We had to get a stand because current model flat screens don't have a pedestal base and you can't just place them on top of the VCR and cable set top box like our old TV. The box for the stand is smaller than I thought it would be but is very heavy. I haven't opened it yet, but I have a feeling that there will be a lot of assembly involved. I know that Janet will want to throw the old TV away when the new one arrives. I will inevitably want to get it repaired and then place it in the storage warehouse. Jeez. I still haven't used any of the keyboards and synthesizers I had repaired two years ago. I'll have a million reasons for saving the TV, but most of them will be bogus. It might make a good second monitor for my computer, but my desk isn't even big enough for two large monitors. Lets face it. I just don't like to throw things away.

Activity really seems to be picking up down at Kennedy Space Center. There is a launch scheduled almost every week now. I wish it wasn't so expensive to go down there. I can't say I'm passionate about space either, but launches are really interesting. At least they are interesting for now. One of these days I'll realize that they are all basically just the same. A flash of light, a loud noise, and three minutes later it's all over.

Willow is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 3188

I listened to a program about Schadenfreude on the way to the gym this morning. I'm sure most of you are familiar with the concept of feeling pleasure at someone else's misfortune. Apparently, researchers have discovered that in today's increasingly polarized world, people will tend to accept something they know is wrong if they think the wrong might make someone they dislike look even worse. This explains a lot. Politics and a lot of foreign policy decisions depend on Schadenfreude.

Democrats and Republicans. Palestinians and Israelis. The Patriots and the Falcons. Is it all just the same? People pick their team and stick with them no matter what. If you're a Falcons fan, you're going to be happy at Tom Brady's misfortune whenever he gets sacked. If a rough tackle puts him out of the game, you're even happier. Politics and diplomacy are starting to seem a lot like football. I like football, but is this any way to run the world?

I like to solve the world's problems while I'm on the treadmill. I never tell anybody my solutions because they'd never listen. Global warming? Piece of cake. Just stop having babies until the earth's population declines by about 40%. Cities would become smaller. Fish would return to the ocean. Forests would flourish. Could anyone convince the entire world that two children is plenty and maybe none would be even better for a while until we got things back in balance? I doubt it. Russian meddling? Big deal. Just open the files and show everyone that our own CIA has been doing the same thing for most of the Twentieth Century. We've done more meddling over the years than all the other countries combined. Countries shouldn't meddle in other countries business, but they do. People shouldn't take pleasure in someone else's misfortune, but they do. Basically, we were the meanest monkeys in the monkey kingdom. Otherwise, dolphins would probably rule the earth.

I only philosophize at the gym. Most of the time I realize that Dash is right. It's better to think about nothing. I'm fairly comfortable living like a dog. I eat. I sleep. I observe and occasionally photograph things in nature. People say it it is important to be passionate about something but I don't even know what that means. Dogs can be obsessive, but I don't think they are passionate. Passion often leads to anger. Obsession just leads to collections. Our first Dalmatian collected tennis balls. He would find them on walks and carry them in his mouth until we got home. He was obsessed with tennis balls and by the end of his life had collected hundreds of them. It all made sense to me. During the same period of time I was collecting model trains.

I've already started seeing pumpkins and Christmas Trees. The Hallmark Channel is already advertising that they are ready to debut 34 all new Christmas Movies. Where has this year gone? It's almost over already. I guess I'd better make reservations for Thanksgiving Dinner before it's too late.

Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 2470

I was thinking about freedom and discipline while I was at the gym today. I've always hated rules and regulations, but I'm certainly not much of a free spirit. I think of myself as a highly disciplined person with a poorly defined sense of purpose. If I start something, I finish it. Period. Don't ask me why I started though. This apparent contradiction certainly sums up my trips to the gym. I'm no slouch and work out strenuously, but I have no goals. I'm not sure if I've achieved anything at all. Maybe I just go to the gym so I can listen to TED talks in the car while I'm driving there.

I hate vacuuming, but I vacuum the house with a vengeance almost every Sunday. That's discipline. Moving the dog beds around, cleaning all the rugs, and then cleaning the brick floors under them takes a lot of time. There is always an enormous amount of dirt and dog hair in the Dyson canister when I'm finished, but the house doesn't look any cleaner. How could I keep removing all this dirt and there's still more? It seems to violate some fundamental law of physics. At some point you'd think all the dirt would finally be gone. I feel the same way about the dehumidifier. Gallons of water are removed from the house every day, and yet the moisture in the air never really disappears.

The combination of a roof that turns into a lake every time it rains, bills that keep arriving whether you spend any money or not, industrious spiders that obscure the living room windows with new webs every evening, squirrels and possums that work tirelessly to destroy the lawn, dust and dirt that seems to have acquired a life of its own, and a dog that poops in the house every time I decide to take a shower, all require discipline just to stay on top of things. I don't feel like I've got the freedom to ignore these intrusions. You've just got to keep going to keep the chaos at bay.

So, am I having fun at the gym? I really don't know. I don't hate going, but I don't love going either.  It's just 63 minutes out of my day. I'm starting to feel the same way about going out for breakfast or even writing this blog. I don't question any of these things, but have forgotten what it was that made any of this seem like a good idea. Occasionally, someone asks me what I'm passionate about. I just give them a blank stare. It's discipline, not passion that keeps me going.

None of this is a bad thing. I'm actually a relatively happy person. Maybe it's just me, but I think a lot of people would be better off if they substituted discipline for passion. Just finishing what you started can be it's own reward.

Tomorrow, I'll start the day by making the bed. I'll concoct a delicious smoothie from strawberries, blueberries, peaches, bananas, eggs, oatmeal, and ice cream. The dogs will get walked. If there's a writing assignment, I'll do it quickly and efficiently. If no work comes my way, maybe I'll wash the car. That's probably enough for a Monday. If something surprising happens, you'll be the first to know.

Puppies are today's Dalmatians of the Day

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Day 1590

I woke up exhausted this morning. Dash got up in the middle of the night and seemed convinced that it was morning. He wanted his breakfast. He wanted a walk. He wanted everybody else to be completely miserable until he got what he wanted. He was acting so weird that I started wondering if the cancer center folks might have accidentally pointed the radiation machine at his brain instead of his surgery scar on Monday. Usually, in situations like these, I can bribe the dogs with a treat, but Dash was already fasting for today's radiation treatment, so he couldn't eat anything. Janet took him outside twice. I took him outside twice. We traded places in the bed, but nothing seemed to work. Eventually, he wore himself out and went back to bed. Dot was the only one who got a good night's sleep. Her hearing is so bad now, that she slept through the entire commotion.

I got an e-mail from Network Solutions today asking me to confirm all my personal information. The letter said that if I didn't comply, my domains would be deactivated. This letter seemed like a textbook example of a phishing scam, so I didn't reply to the e-mail. I called Network Solutions technical support instead and after waiting on hold for fifteen minutes, talked to a friendly technician who informed me "Yes, the letter I received was genuine." "I bet you've received a lot of calls like mine this morning," I told the lady. "Yes, we  have." she said. "Why on earth would you format a letter to your customers so it would appear exactly like a phishing scam," I asked? The tech support lady didn't have an answer to this obvious questions, and blamed everything on ICANN instead. I made a mental note to move the rest of my domains to GoDaddy.

I think I solved the second of my three vexing website problems today. Only one more to go. I don't feel much joy as I continue to wade through this labyrinth of broken code and unrealistic expectations though. Times have changed and all I'm really doing is bailing water out of a leaky boat. Some people spend so much of their lives online these days that they start to think of their website as a member of the family. To me, a website today is not that different from what a Yellow Pages ad was to people in the 1950's. The difference is that back then, people wouldn't compulsively stare at the phone book all day.

It's getting harder and harder for me to eat oatmeal for breakfast every day. I made myself a sausage omelet this morning instead. The Kale salads in the evening aren't as tasty as they used to be either. The dilemma I'm facing is that I now know exactly what to do keep diabetes at bay, avoid a heart attack, and ensure that my liver stays healthy. There is no question that a good diet is the unequivocal secret to staying healthy. Just about anybody could lose weight, lower their blood sugar, and clear their clogged arteries just by eliminating all packaged and processed foods from their diet. No sugar, no salt, and no alcohol is a perfect recipe for no fun though. I have a lot of willpower, so I imagine I'll stick with this healthy way of eating, even though I'd rather subsist on cheeseburgers, pizza, and beer. Where's the fun going to come from though? In my younger years, most of my fun came from indulgent, self-destructive behavior. I'm not sure I've been passionate about anything healthy in my life.

Wyatt is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1230

I got up this morning and then all of the sudden it was dinner time. It wasn't a particularly busy or stressful day. It just all went by in a blur. The dogs got their long awaited visit to the dog park. There was no need to dress as warmly as I did, because when we arrived at the park, it was already hot. Dot is well aware of the rising temperatures. She tires much more easily in the heat. As a result, we didn't stay at the park as long as we usually do. Dash could have stayed longer, but Dot gets to call the shots these days. It just isn't fair to push an older dog too hard.

Dot didn't get to choose whether to get a bath today however. I'm pretty forgiving about dirty, smelly dogs and even I had to admit that Dot and Dash were filthy. They both clean up well though. After a bath at Vhea's LaundroMutt, their coats shine and they smell wonderful.

Janet had to run some errands after we returned from our dog excursions and I used the afternoon to finish an overdue writing assignment. Ordinarily, I would do something outside on such a nice day, but the outdoor alternative was mowing the grass, so writing seemed the lesser of two evils.

It's hard to believe that April is almost over. We've probably got one more month of decent weather before another Texas summer rears its ugly head. I don't like the heat any more than Dot does. When the thermometer starts to hover around 100 degrees for months at a time, I start to questions my sanity for ever moving down here in the first place.

Some of my new exercise routines are starting to become habits. I find myself using the small hand weights around the house during the day. I continue to do planks on a daily basis too. Making something a habit is the key to success with me. I really can't depend on desire or passion to get me anywhere.

Lucky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1037

I was somewhat reassured after visiting with my financial advisor this afternoon. When I backed off and took a longer view of things, I realized that I wasn't in that bad shape after all. What the hell. I don't have any debts and I still make enough to pay the bills. I really shouldn't complain. The hard thing for me to deal with is that I've always been a saver and it used to be so much easier to tuck a little away for a rainy day. I miss the 1980's when 10-year Treasury yields were over 12% and the conventional wisdom was that the value of your house would go up forever.

Times sure have changed. Treasury yields are at a 112 year low and I don't even want to talk about the housing market. You can't give up though. My advisor and I put stop loss orders on several positions that have done well this year to lock in gains. We talked about what to do if Obama won. And what to do if Romney won. In either case, there would definitely be things to take advantage of and other things to avoid. I like to be prepared. What I don't like is living in a world of diminished expectations for the foreseeable future. I would love to see a return to the overwhelming feeling of optimism that prevailed when John F. Kennedy was president. We need grand dreams like we had back then. It doesn't need to be going to the moon, but it needs to be something equally grand. I think those kind of dreams died when Kennedy was shot in Dealey Plaza and never returned again.

I used to have grand dreams. My grandest dreams actually took place while I was asleep. I could fly and travel through time long before I even heard of Dr. Who. Now my dreams are pathetic. I'm usually just lost in a hotel somewhere, looking for my luggage. I wouldn't call my waking hours pathetic, but there are definitely on the dull side. I take pictures of flowers. I walk dogs. I make a little money to pay the bills. There are no more plans to win an Oscar for best documentary anymore. There are no plans to make any films at all. When conversations veer off into one of those "what are you passionate about" discussions, I don't even feel like talking.

Maybe if I were passionate about dog training like some folks in our Wednesday evening class, Dash might be winning ribbons again. I'm not very competitive, or very passionate. I just go to these classes because it's good for Dot and Dash to be around other dogs. Socializing with other dogs helps keep ours happy and well adjusted. The training exercises themselves are silly though. A lot of things in life are just silly.

Lucky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 921

I finished this month's assignment for my writer's group this morning and turned it in. I've written some good things, as well as some not so good things, for this group, but I don't think I would have written anything at all without the discipline of an assignment and a deadline. Sometimes I wonder if there's anything I still do for the sheer pleasure of it. There certainly isn't much. In the early 1980's I loved to write songs. I wrote and recorded tons of original songs during this period. There were some who said I had a promising career ahead of me in Nashville. I signed several publishing contracts with obscure record labels, but never made a dime from my music. There was one fatal flaw in my plan to become a famous songwriter. I couldn't sing. Labels were looking for promising singer/songwriters, not the next Bernie Taupin.

Several years later I became very excited about becoming a fashion photographer. I left the advertising world and spent two years putting together a portfolio. My work was good enough to land me a job at a leading photo studio. I didn't become the next Richard Avedon however. I shot catalogs. Catalogs were boring and mundane. I quickly returned to advertising where there was at least a thin patina of glamor.

The last time I was really excited about something was during the mid-1990's, when I convinced myself that I wanted to make another documentary film. I started going to film festivals and was even asked to be a speaker at SXSW in 1997. The film never got made. I had already made several extremely low budget documentaries in the 1970's, but by 1990 I had grown too practical. Documentaries don't make money and I wasn't willing to risk my life savings on a project that didn't even matter anyway.

When I hear people on television self-help shows tell their audience that the key to success is to follow your passion, I just don't buy it. Anything that I was even mildly passionate about ended up costing me a fortune. I never made a dime by following my heart. Fortunately, I've done extremely well doing things I hate. I've done so well doing things I hate that it's made the world topsy-turvy for me. When I meet someone who tells me that they love what they do, I generally don't believe them.

Why am I telling you this?  Well, I visited another guitar store today. I actually took a couple of guitars off the wall and started playing them. I can't play well anymore. If you heard me this afternoon, you'd probably agree that I suck. Holding the guitar in my hands brought back memories though. There was a time when my chops were pretty good. I miss those days. When I was a good guitar player, I never thought about the staggering cost of health care. I never worried about whether I'd have enough money to retire comfortably. I didn't really worry about anything. I just played.

Boo is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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