Day 2702

Dash's bloodwork came back today and his triglyceride levels were sky high. This wasn't just a little spike. The tests showed triglyceride levels that were ten times higher than they should be. Dash's vet wanted us to change his diet immediately. This should be interesting. Dash is picky about food already. I can see him turning up his nose at the special low fat diet.

Abnormally high triglyceride levels can mean a lot of things. Sometimes the levels are high if the blood test are done right after a meal. Other times they are an indicator of poor thyroid function, pancreatitis, or liver disease. Hopefully, we just tested Dash too soon after a meal. We'll have to test him again in a couple of weeks. He'll have to fast this time. That's always fun. Dash hates to miss a meal.

I wish Dot and Dash could eat the same thing. Life is complicated enough as it is. Now we have to feed Dot a high calorie, high fat diet and Dash needs to eat just the opposite. The triglyceride levels could have become elevated just from all the food Dash steals out of Dot's bowl. At any rate, we need to get this under control. One sick dog at a time is plenty.

Dot still isn't eating in the morning. This makes giving her morning set of pills quite a challenge. It always worries me when Dot refuses to eat. So far, her appetite always seems to return late in the day, but I'm sure there will come a day when Dot quits eating completely. I don't know why Dot has adopted this strange new schedule, but I'm trying to adapt to it. I never used to appreciate how consistant the dogs were about just about everything. They always ate at the same time, walked at the same time, and slept at the same time. Now any semblance of consistency is out the window. Every day is a new day.

I bought some audio gear online today. I could justify the purchase because the gear was on sale and I got a tremendous bargain. That wasn't the reason though. I bought the stuff because I was frustrated. I always buy gear when I'm frustrated. The gear doesn't necessarily make me take more photographs or write more songs, but I always hope it will. I remember when I used to spend almost every evening writing and recording songs. Those were good times. Maybe someday the urge to write and record will return. I want to be ready when it does.

This week has gone quickly. I almost forgot to take the trash out to the curb this evening. It didn't seem like Thursday. I won't be going out to breakfast in the morning. Like songwriting, that activity has been postponed until sometime in an indefinite future. I do have pancake mix though and there are sausages in the freezer. It's always easy for me to eat. I just wish it was equally easy for Dot.

Skippy is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2701

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with dog problems. Dash threw up again today. Good grief. The dog had a complete physical exam yesterday and passed with flying colors. I don't know why he's throwing up. I don't think the vets do either. He doesn't seem nauseous. His appetite is still good. He wasn't even eating grass this morning. He just walked to the back door like he needed to pee and threw up instead. Since he's still acting normal, I'm not going to give him a Cerenia pill tonight. We'll see what happens.

Dot's new routine now includes a trip outside at 2 AM. After she pees or wanders around for a while in the dark, she seems fine for the rest of the night. I'm not wild about this nocturnal schedule, but it beats peeing in her bed like she used to. I wish Dot would eat in the morning. It would make it a lot easier to take her morning pills. Again, although this situation isn't ideal, it's OK. Dot seems to regain her appetite late in the afternoon and by the time we all go to bed, she has usually eaten a reasonable amount.

I paid some bills and took them to the post office this afternoon. On the way home I picked up prescriptions for Dot and Dash at two different locations. Our kitchen looks like a pharmacy now. There is a big box of pills for Dot, another box for Dash, and a third box for me. Janet is the lucky one. She only has to take a single prescription. It's hard to keep track of all these pills. It seems like I'm renewing something almost every day.

I spent about an hour trying to remove the scratch on my car with polishing compound. It looks much better now, but I can still see the scratch. Door dings and small scratches are inevitable when you live in a large city, but they still irritate me. I want the car to be perfect. I feel the same way about guitars, cameras, and electronic equipment. Sometimes I think I spend more time cleaning things than actually using them.

One thing that isn't clean is the house. It rained again last night and every time I take Dot outside, she tracks mud in the living room. I need a third hand. I used to wipe the dog's paws before they came in the house on rainy days, but now I'm using both hands to hold Dot's special harness. I guess it doesn't really matter. The rugs get cleaned often enough anyway when Dot pees on them. We really need the landscape guy to hurry up and put the new grass in the back yard. Grass would cut down on the mud tracked in the house considerably.

Dot is still very weak and can't stand without assistance, but she appears stable now. She's eating. She's barking. She's pooping. I don't know how long she has left, but for now she's a happy dog.

Susie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2700

Dash is doing pretty well for a dog about to celebrate his twelfth birthday. The vet didn't discover anything alarming during his annual exam. The lumps and bumps are just benign lipomas. The cloudiness in his eye is getting worse, but he can still see well. Blood pressure is OK. His heart murmur has not gotten worse. Just about the only surprise was a mild infection on the inside of his lip, which he got an antibiotic shot for. I think I got the bigger surprise. When we got home, I discovered that someone had scratched the paint on my car in the parking lot.

I was worried about leaving Dot alone during Dash's exam, but she did pretty well. She was awake when I left, but was still resting calmly when I returned. Dot is still eating, which is nothing short of remarkable. I'm still spending most of the day feeding Dot dozens of little meals, but she's finally getting the nutrition she needs. I had to get the prescription for Dot's pain medication renewed today. When her oncologist prescribed the powerful meds, I think she was convinced that Dot only had a few days left. She was really surprised when I called and told her that Dot was eating again and needed a refill. I'm sure that the new pain medication is partially responsible for the return of Dot's appetite. Maybe there is another explanation, but I think that it might have simply been too painful for Dot to eat.

I wish I could think of something that would actually make Dot stronger. Her rear legs have gotten even weaker and she is totally dependent on me for mobility now. The good news is that Dot trusts me completely and knows that I will be there when she needs me. The bad news is that Dot trusts me completely and knows that I will be there when she needs me. Now that she is feeling a little better, she is barking for me to come lift her up and take her somewhere every five minutes. Since she is a bit senile, we spend quite a bit of time just wandering around aimlessly. Aimless wandering counts as exercise though. Maybe it will help keep her muscle atrophy from becoming even worse.

I joined this website called Alignable as a favor to a friend who was already a member. I guess this place is kind of a LinkedIn alternative and is supposed to help get you business leads. I spent about five minutes setting up a profile and then promptly forgot about the site. Apparently, it didn't forget about me. Now I'm getting messages from old co-workers and suppliers saying "good to hear from you again" and asking me how my business is doing. I hate to tell them that business sucks, so I just reply that it was good to hear from them too. I wonder how all these people heard about this site before I did. It appears that everybody else is already there. At any rate, I'm not expecting much. I never got any business from LinkedIn and I probably won't from this place either. Real business leads still come from word of mouth referrals.

My fitness tracker sends me messages every morning telling me that I'm not getting enough sleep. Jeez. Tell me something that I don't already know. Feeding and tending to Dot's needs and writing the blog basically take up the entire day. When you add something extra like Dash's annual exam or a big website update, I'm automatically behind. Needless to say, I didn't get to take a nap with the dogs today. Maybe tomorrow will be less hectic.

When Dot's oncologist prescribed her new pain medication, she told me that a younger dog could never take these meds because it would eventually kill them. The oncologist wasn't worried about Dot because she genuinely thought she only had a few days left. The goal was just to make her final days pain free. Now that Dot is slowly and steadily improving, I'm wondering how long Dot can take these powerful pills before the side effects start to cancel out the benefits. Catch 22. There's always a catch to everything, isn't there.

Liberty is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2699

Our complex routine is starting to feel normal now. We always get up early on weekdays. The dogs get their morning walks before anyone gets fed to reduce the risk of someone throwing up their breakfast. If Dash doesn't try to eat grass on his walk, he's usually OK for the day. When we get home again, Dash gets fed while I make the bed and get things ready to feed Dot. I wait until Janet has left for work and Dash has settled down for his morning nap before I try to feed Dot. It's much easier to get Dot to take her pills when everything is calm and quiet. Janet usually eats breakfast while I'm still asleep. I don't eat my own breakfast until everything else is done.

Dot is never hungry in the morning, but it is getting easier to give her the pills she needs. Three times a day, I wrap the pills in a small piece of her favorite cheese. Between each pill she gets piece of turkey, a small slice of cheese, or a bite of tasty canned dog food. She's grown to enjoy this ritual and doesn't fight me anymore when I open her mouth to pop a pill inside. Maybe the array of tasty treats I've prepared seems like tapas or dim sum to her. I hope so. I'm trying to make staying alive as enjoyable as possible.

Dot and Dash were both active this morning. I had a hard time fixing my smoothie. Dot must be feeling better because she's started barking again. She barks when she needs attention now. Sometimes she needs to go outside and pee. Other times she wants me to put a little food in her bowl. She'll bark if she's frustrated too. It keeps me busy. I finished my breakfast around 11 AM this morning. Considering that I'd actually gotten up at 6 AM, I should have just called my smoothie lunch.

I'm either going to get really good at caring for aging dogs or go stark raving mad. It could go either way. I'm still amazed at how much time it takes to feed a dog who has difficulty eating. It takes at least thirty minutes each time I give Dot her pills and there are numerous small meals throughout the day. Sometimes Dot will eat a few bites, want me to take her outside, and then come in and eat a few more bites. We'll repeat this sequence again and again. Patience and persistence are paying off though. Dot seems noticeably stronger now that she's eating again. She's not eating enough to gain any weight, but we're working on that.

Since there always a few hours during the day when both dogs are sleeping soundly, I thought this might be a good time to catch up on my own sleep as well. Why not? I only had one small website update to make today and I finished that job in less time than it took me to give Dot her morning pills. The way things stand right now, I've got plenty of time to sleep during the day. I took a nap with Dot and Dash this afternoon and I do feel more rested. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing this again.

I hope Dot is sleeping well when I take Dash for his annual exam tomorrow. There really isn't a good time to leave the house anymore, but I try to time things the best I can. Dash has problems too, so I've got lots of questions for the vet. I'd love to get this house running smoothly again. Keeping Dot well nourished and Dash as healthy as we can would be a good start.

Sadie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2698 - Mother's Day

Mom died twenty seven years ago. She was a remarkable woman who had a much greater influence on her family than she imagined. Whatever shred of kindness or hope I have left probably came from her. From time to time I still wonder whether she would have approved of the person I've become.

I never saved family photos or childhood memories. My long term memory is abysmal. That's why I write things down. I wrote a story about Mom shortly after her death. I knew I would want to remember someday. Perhaps it means something that I never wrote anything when my Dad died thirteen years later.

In many ways Dot has occupied the role of Mother in our house for many years. She is territorial. Very protective. And she definitely made Dash a better dog. Right now, my memories of our years with Dot are much more vivid than my memories of Mom. I know these memories will fade too. All my memories fade. Maybe that is why I started this blog. It's mostly about life with Dot and Dash. I want to remember these times.

Janet still remembers all kinds of details about our first Dalmatian. I don't. I wrote an entire book about Spot because I wanted to remember those times too. These words are my memories. If I don't write it down, it probably means that I'd just as soon forget.

Dot is still eating very late at night. This is much better than not eating at all, but it gives her indigestion. There is usually a point about an hour after we all go to bed that Janet and I are both convinced that Dot is going to throw up. I take her outside and walk her around for a while. This seems to help and sometimes she pees again too. Eventually, she goes to sleep. I got up several times last night to take Dot outside. I didn't sleep well, but Dot didn't throw up. This new routine is OK on weekends because we can all sleep in late. It doesn't work so well on workdays though.

When both dogs eat their food and nobody throws up, I consider the day a success. Today was one of those days. Dot still won't eat in the morning, but I am becoming increasingly confident that she will eat at some point during the day. With Dash back to normal and Dot learning to eat again, I'm starting to feel that life doesn't have to be a perpetual crisis. I'm not going to get over confident though. Things can change rapidly when your dog is 120 in human years.

I had a good workout at the gym, but that's about as far as my motivation would take me. I really didn't accomplish much today. There are clean sheets on the bed. Dot got all her pills. And I managed to take a shower. That's about it. Maybe I'll be more productive tomorrow. It sure would help if both dogs decide to sleep all the way through the night. Fingers crossed.

Lady is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2697

It's dog roulette at our house. Last night it was Dash who threw up. He seemed fine when we all went to bed, but around 3 AM I woke up to the unmistakable sound of a dog vomiting next to me on the bed. Please, not on the bed. I hastily got up and moved him. Even the carpet seemed like a better alternative at this point. We gave Dash a Pepsid, took him outside, and cleaned up the mess. Dot never even woke up during the entire episode.

Nausea and vomiting are unfortunate side effects of Dash's Idiopathic Vestibular Disease. It doesn't happen all that often, but we will probably have to deal with this for the rest of his life. Of course with Dash, there is always the possibility that he just ate some crap in the yard when we weren't looking. When dogs vomit, you have the option of doing nothing, giving them a Pepsid AC, or giving them a Cerenia pill or injection. It all depends on how severe the situation is. Dash seemed fine this morning. Tonight it may be Dot who throws up.

Dot was surprisingly strong today. She slept well and was eager to take a walk this morning. Walking Dot is starting to seem more like carrying a fifty pound bowling ball down the street, but she is still moving her legs and seems to enjoy the experience. In many ways it would be easier to walk Dot using the wheelchair than the Help 'Em Up Harness, but the wheels have their limitations. It takes two people to effectively get Dot in and out of the chair. Since one of us is usually walking Dash while the other walks Dot, this can be a problem. Also, it's hard getting the wheelchair down the gravel alley behind our house before we get to a smooth street. I wish the wheelchair was easier to use. As it stands, it is only practical a few days a week.

There was lots of laundry today, since the protective pads weren't positioned correctly when Dot decided to poop this morning. Dot doesn't give you much warning, so you have to be ready for an accident at any time. Luckily, our washer has a super hot "sanitize" setting. We use that setting a lot.

It would be nice if dog pee were a bug deterrent. Dot rarely makes it past the back door when I take her out to pee. I hose down the back porch several times a day. Maybe I'm imagining things, but there do seem to be fewer spiders on the porch this Spring. The spiders probably just arrive later in the Summer, but I'm still hoping that there are some beneficial effects from the dog pee.

For someone who depends on predictability, I think I'm doing pretty well dealing with a steady diet of surprises. Every day is different. Some days are scary. Today was kind of hopeful. Dot actually ate more than her two cup goal today. She's eating fewer of the exotic, rich foods we had to depend on last week and is gradually returning to her old diet. You wouldn't think a dog would rather eat kibble than sliced turkey and cheese, but that's our Dot. She really just wants to get back to the familiar routines she has known for her entire life.

When I filled the car up with gas this afternoon, I was surprised so see that I'd only used three gallons of gas all last week. It appears that I'm not getting out much these days. I'll try to go to the gym tomorrow. I still need to get out a little bit. I debated whether to give Dash another Pepsid tonight. He seems fine though, so we'll take a chance. I hate to over medicate just to make life more convenient.

Today was a good day. Dot seemed stronger and was in good spirits for most of the day. Dash seems to have made a full recovery. It would be nice if tomorrow was just like today.

Haley is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2696

If you are a regular reader, you are probably wondering how long things are going to go on like this. Is Dot getting better? Is she getting worse? What is her quality of life? I wonder about these things too. When Dot is eating and has some energy, I am tremendously encouraged. When she shows no interest in getting up, I am discouraged. When something unexpected happens, like vomiting in the middle of the night, I am alarmed. All I can tell you is that Dot isn't ready to leave us yet. There's always a point in the day when she is determined to take our short, but very slow, walk to the edge of the park. There are moments when she still barks at Dash, as if to say "Remember I'm still the alpha dog around here." I never know when she is going to become hungry, but when she does I'll hold her up by her bowl as she slowly eats her dinner one kibble at a time.

Today was like most days this week. There were high points and low points. The Cerenia pills definitely helped her sleep. There was no nausea last night and Dot slept comfortably all night. When Dot sleeps comfortably, we all sleep comfortably. I got more sleep last night than I have all week.

This morning, Dot wasn't hungry, but she did have energy. Luckily the weather was cool and we were able to take a nice walk to the edge of the park and sit in the grass for twenty minutes. I'd like to say that things got better and better, but Dot didn't have much of an appetite today. I had difficulty getting her to eat until very late in the day. When she did eat something around sunset, it wasn't enough to make up for the food she missed earlier in the day.

Every day is like this. Some days mornings are good. Other days, afternoons are better. Dot doesn't eat much, but the food she is eating now is nutritious and good quality. We do our best to make sure Dot is well hydrated and not starving herself. There are many small meals throughout the day. Dot eats when she wants and sleeps when she wants. If she heads toward the back gate, I take her on a short walk. I don't know how long she has left, but the goal is just to keep her happy, out of pain, and as well nourished as we can during her remaining days. It's not an easy job, but I feel that it is well worth the considerable effort it takes.

I didn't end up cooking this morning after all. I just didn't have the energy. I got some pancakes in a take-out box at a nearby restaurant and came home again. There were so many dog things to do this morning that it was almost noon before I got around to actually eating the pancakes. This is definately a work in progress. I'm still having problems keeping Dash from getting jealous when I'm feeding Dot. It's best if I do this while Dash is sleeping in the bedroom, but it doesn't always work out that way. Things need things to be calm and quiet while Dot is eating. If Dash starts barking, or swoops in to steal her food, progress usually stops.

I try to make a big deal about feeding Dash too, so he feels special. This has been partially successful, but dogs are dogs and Dash just isn't able to resist the sight of me sitting on the floor with Dot, surrounded with little plates of turkey, cheese, and other tasty food. Usually, if I can get Dot interested in food with something really tasty, she will then want me to hold her up so she can eat her regular kibble from her bowl. I'm counting on this, because it is the regular food she eats that is keeping her nourished.

My phone has been giving me problems lately. Almost every day I get an error message saying "No SIM card installed." Of course, there really is a SIM card and the phone works normally again once I turn it off and on again. It's just irritating. Today I thought I'd take the SIM card out and clean it. Hey, I've already tried everything else. I never realized that the SIM card was so small. I almost lost it when I popped open the tray and the little card fell on the floor. The SIM card is probably dirtier now than it was before, but the phone still works.

We're not going to give Dot a Cerenia pill tonight to see whether the nausea returns. In many ways it would be easier to just keep giving her the pills, but this is not a medication designed for long term use. We need to know what is causing the vomiting too. It might not be nausea at all. I hope that everyone sleeps well tonight and that the weekend is peaceful. We all need to recharge our batteries.

Dodger is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2695

I'm running on empty. Dot has become nocturnal. She sleeps during the day and becomes restless at night when I'm trying to sleep. I sleep on the floor with her now, so I'm nearby when she needs to get up. Last night she went outside three times in the middle of the night to pee. I guess this is better than peeing in her bed, but I sure am tired. Dot didn't throw up last night, so I guess the Cerenia pill helped. I should have given her a full dose instead of the half dose I usually give Dash. I could tell she still had an upset stomach, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the previous night. I"ll give her the full dose tonight and hopefully she'll sleep better.

When I woke up this morning Janet had already walked Dash and was almost ready for work. I didn't think I slept at all last night, but I must have dozed off, because I wasn't even aware of Janet and Dash leaving the house. Dot was sleeping soundly too. Finally. I delayed giving her morning pills so she could sleep longer and get some rest.

Dot worried me today. She was too tired to take her regular morning walk. Basically, she slept all day except when it was necessary to take her medications. Dot wouldn't even drink water this morning which was troubling. After one of her vets warned me about dehydration, I've become very conscious of how much water she drinks during the day. I thought I was going to have to learn how to use a syringe to hydrate Dot, but around 4 PM this afternoon, she woke up hungry and thirsty. I held her up by her water bowl for over fifteen minutes as she took tiny sips. Eventually, I saw the water level in the bowl go down a bit and I felt comfortable that she was getting enough water.

I never know what Dot is going to eat. The only thing I could get her to eat with her morning pills were thinly sliced pieces of turkey. I asked Janet to pick up more of this turkey on her way home from work because it seemed like our only remaining option. Dot slept soundly for most of the day. When I woke her up to take her afternoon pills, I was pleased to see that her appetite had returned. I was feeding Dash at the time and she went over to his bowl and started eating his food. Both dogs were eating out of the same bowl for a while, so I kind of lost track of how much food Dot actually consumed.

I'm going to have to do something about the bugs in our yard. When I'm holding Dot's harness and waiting for her to pee, it doesn't take long for the chiggers and mosquitoes to find me. I've already been bitten more times than I was all last summer. Chiggers are much worse than mosquitoes. The bites quickly become big red welts that take almost a week to subside. I'm still looking for that idyllic, imaginary place with no bugs, no snakes, and mild rain free weather.

My Friday morning breakfast outings are on hiatus for a while. Dot has simply become too frail to leave alone for any length of time. That's OK. I think I'll learn how to make pancakes and waffles again. I already can make a pretty decent omelette and my French Toast recipe is delicious. I'm in the mood for pancakes though. We'll see if I can make pancakes and sausages without making a huge mess in the kitchen.

If Dot doesn't sleep wall tonight, I'm going to have to become nocturnal myself. Sleeping during the day with the dogs never used to be an option, but work has gotten so slow lately that it probably doesn't matter when I sleep. The way I feel now, I might sleep for the entire weekend.

Dixie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2694

I talked with two vets today. One was very pessimistic about Dot's future while the other was slightly optimistic. I guess the difference of opinion comes down to how you define "quality of life." If I'm happy for an hour each day, I'm good. I probably assume that Dot thinks the same way. How can you ever know for sure? I think that Dot is still happy because she seems to enjoy her short walks and barks whenever she needs attention. Maybe she's miserable though. She certainly can't do much in her diminished capacity.

I"m feeling uncertain today because we got off to a terrible start. After spending most of the day yesterday making sure that Dot got enough food, she ended up throwing up everything she ate around two in the morning. One vet told me that the symptoms Dot was exhibiting just before she threw up indicated that she was nauseous and suggested giving her a Cerenia pill before bedtime tonight. The other vet was worried that Dot's impaired swallowing was causing food to back up in her esophagus and she was regurgitating it before it ever reached her stomach.

It's all getting very complicated. Dot is supposed to be eating bland food like chicken and rice or low fat cottage cheese. These things don't appeal to her though and it's easier to get her to eat rich, strong smelling food containing things like duck or venison. The rich food is likely to cause an upset stomach and could lead to her throwing up again. After the phone calls I made today, it became apparent that it wasn't really OK to let Dot eat anything she wanted. Nobody answered my questions about how to convince her to eat things that don't appeal to her. It's hard enough to get her to eat anything at all. If she continues to throw up, dehydration becomes a real worry. I already worry that she's not getting enough water because she takes such tiny little sips.

I went out and bought some low fat cottage cheese this evening. We'll add that to the growing array of choices that Dot already has. I'm kind of at my wit's end. Every positive thing we do for Dot seems to be accompanied by negative side effects. I guess I should expect this. All medicine is this way. Just look at the commercials on TV from the pharmaceutical companies. The disclaimers about all the horrible things that can happen if you take their pills are often longer than the commercials themselves.

Dot still doesn't have much interest in eating until later in the day. This means that she'll probably go to bed again with a full belly. I hope she doesn't get indigestion. I've been trying to keep her active for a while so that the food she eats with her final set of pain pills actually gets out of her esophagus and into her stomach. I gave her a Cerenia pill too. With any luck, we'll all sleep a little better tonight.

This morning while I was walking Dash, I saw a Great Egret catch and eat a fish. Nature is cruel and beautiful. I watched in fascination as the Egret ate the fish, thinking that I'd sure hate to hand feed one of those birds.

Chief is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2693

Today was rough. Dot wouldn't eat anything for most of the day. I tried everything we had, but she just wasn't interested. I could tell she was tired as soon as she woke up this morning. Dot's balance and coordination isn't great on a good day. On a bad day her legs are like jelly. I don't even know why Dot wanted a walk this morning because she could barely stand. Our girl is determined though, so we gave her a short walk in hopes that it might trigger her appetite. Walking Dot today with the Help 'Em Up Harness was like walking a bowling ball. She was mostly just dead weight.

As the day progressed I became increasingly worried that Dot was slipping away again. Mostly she just slept today, but I continued to try to feed her every time she looked alert and lifted her head. Dot was sleeping so soundly this afternoon that I thought it was pretty safe to go mow the grass. We've had so much rain recently that the grass is growing quickly. When I returned to the house, Dot hadn't moved an inch. She was still sleeping in exactly the same spot where I left her.

I was just about to give up on getting Dot to eat anything when she sat up in her bed around quarter till six this evening and gave me the look that told me it was time to go outside and pee. As soon as she peed, we came back inside and she went straight to her bowl in the kitchen. I was able to feed her almost a cup of dry kibble and some sliced turkey.

I wish I knew what it is that causes Dot to reject food. She can go from refusing to eat or drink anything at all to eating relatively normally in less than hour. I'm glad her appetite still kicks in occasionally, but she needs to eat a lot more. We're only halfway there on today's calorie quest and the day is almost over.

I guess today was a partial success. I just finished giving Dot her evening pain pills. Dash didn't throw up. The grass got mowed. Dot didn't eat nearly enough, but at least she ate something. I made an appointment for Dash to get his annual physical at the vet next week, but I have no idea whether I'll be able to keep it. Things keep changing day to day around here. A week from now seems like an eternity.

Life has gotten pretty basic. I wake up each morning with one goal: to keep Dot eating. She wants to eat, but her body isn't cooperating. My job is to help her overcame her difficulty in swallowing. When Dot is eating, she is happier and noticeably stronger. If she quits eating entirely, she doesn't have long.

We made it through another day. Tomorrow we start over and do it all again.

Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2692

I've never spent so much time focused on eating. It takes an entire day to feed Dot. She eats tiny amounts and then turns away. An hour or two later she'll eat a little more. I'll feed her whenever she shows any interest in food. Dash has become obsessed with Dot's food, but it makes him sick. Getting both dogs to eat is proving to be quite a challenge. Dot's appetite often returns while I'm eating breakfast or dinner, so my own meals are continually getting cold, or in the case of my morning smoothie, becoming warm. Dash is moody and often I have to trick him to eat. When he won't touch his breakfast, I transfer it to Dot's bowl. Oddly, this works sometimes, because Dash thinks he is stealing Dot's food.

Eating a relaxed meal used to be the favorite part of my day. Cleaning up poop during breakfast, or keeping a constant eye on Dash to make sure he doesn't wander off and vomit in the office has changed things though. There is nothing relaxing about mealtime. Typically, it has become one of the most stressful times of the day.

Dot must be feeling a little better, because she's starting to remember how much she hates taking pills. It's harder to get the pills down her throat, because she knows the routine. I try to find something she really likes to feed her after each pill, so she gets some positive reinforcement. You never know when she's going to be hungry, but amazingly she still has an appetite a couple of times a day. I really have to work on becoming more patient. Hand feeding a dog a couple of kibbles at a time can take forever.

It was a long day, but we're all still here. Dot has eaten about 3/4 of her daily quota and Dash finally ate his own food without throwing up. Hopefully, Dot will eat a little more when she takes her final set of pills at the end of the day. I never dreamed that eating could become so complicated. Often Dot will refuse to eat something she seemed to love the day before. We need to keep a wide variety of choices available for her. Today, she's back to eating dry food again. To reward her for taking her pills, I've been giving her little bits of sliced turkey today. Who knows if she'll like turkey tomorrow.

I need to rearrange the refrigerator. It is so full of options for Dot, that leftovers I need to eat myself often get misplaced.  I really need a shelf for each day of the week in the refrigerator. I would put the oldest food on the Monday shelf, so I would be sure to eat it first. I hate it when food goes bad simply because I've forgotten about it.

I wrote some friendly letters today to clients who have seemingly forgotten about me. If they don't reply to these messages, I will conclude that they actually have forgotten about me. I hope these folks aren't reading the blog and concluding that I'm too preoccupied to meet their deadlines. I still need the work. I never miss deadlines either.

I wish I had a better understanding of what is going on in Dot's body. She's not giving up, but these days have got to be tough on her. Her activity level changes from day to day. Last week I thought she was becoming nocturnal because she was still active when Janet and I were ready to go to bed. Today, she was active all morning and is sleeping soundly now. Some days I think she isn't going to eat at all, and then an hour later, she'll be hungry again. I think this is a learning experience for all of us.

Daisy is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2691

Dash threw up again today. I'm pretty sure that Dash's problem is that there are seven different brands of dog food in the house now and it's driving him nuts. He always tries to steal Dot's food unless I pen him in the back of the house while I'm feeding her. Dash has had a sensitive stomach for most of his life and he can't handle eating something different everyday. The rich canned food that Dot is eating now was not meant for dogs like Dash.

Feeding the dogs is complicated. The whole process works best if Dash eats before Dot even wakes up and I don't begin feeding Dot until Dash has gone back to the bedroom for his morning nap. This works great when all the stars are aligned perfectly, but on a normal day, things are fairly chaotic. Today Dash ended up eating a fair amount of Dot's food. I feel like I don't have enough hands anymore. It takes both hands to hold Dot's harness while she eats, poops, walks around the house, or basically does anything. Dash takes advantage of the situation whenever he can.

We gave Dash a Cerenia pill tonight and hope that it will take care of the situation for a while. He's got to go back to his special diet though. There just isn't any other alternative. I wish Dash understood how difficult it is to keep Dot with us a little longer. Dot is special to Dash too. When we first adopted Dash, he was scared of everything. Dot was the one who gave him confidence. You can't expect a dog to act differently though. He sees all the attention Dot is getting and all the exotic food she is allowed to eat. All he wants is to be treated the same way.

It's weird being the one to make all these decisions for the dogs. What is kind and caring for Dot would be unkind and irresponsible for Dash. As I try to keep life in balance for both dogs, I sometimes wonder how people with severely disabled kids keep it together. One of our neighbors has a boy who looks a bit like Steven Hawking. They have to do everything for him. How do they do it without going crazy? My problems are nothing compared to the problems that many people have. I think I've reached my limit though. So far, I'm doing pretty well, but I don't think I could handle much more.

Maybe we just don't know what we can handle until we try. I felt that I needed to up my game at the gym today. I can't really help the dogs if I'm always tired myself. My workout was more strenuous this afternoon and a doubled my free throw goal on the basketball court. The fitness band on my wrist told me that I did pretty well, but I still didn't really enjoy the exercise. All in all, I would have rather taken a nap.

While I was walking Dash this evening we happened to see the woman who gave us the can of food for Dot last Sunday. She was really pleased to hear that her food proved to be the key to getting Dot eating again. I still have no idea who this woman is.

Spot is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2690

The only time I go to the mall anymore is when I get a haircut. The place used to seem normal to me, but now it seems increasingly alien. The flowers are much more exotic than the ones I see at the park. The air is not only artificially cold, it is scented. Shoppers seem to dress better here than when they go to work. I don't get how this place works. The mall is usually packed with people, yet most of the high end stores are practically empty.

I've been going to the same stylist for many years.  I think she and I were the only people in the salon today who weren't covered with tattoos. All the young stylists had tattoos. Some of the ink was quite artistic, but a lot of the tattoos were messy and poorly thought out. One of my veterinarians has spent a lot of money trying to remove tattoos that she impulsively got when she was younger. I wonder if some of these people are going to feel the same way later in life. There's nothing wrong with tattoos, but I'm not comfortable wearing my feelings on my skin. My feelings about almost everything have changed radically over the years. Tattoos are far too permanent.

I feel better with a good haircut, but the trip to the mall certainly threw me off schedule. Dot wasn't eating well today. I spent more time than usual trying to make sure she got enough food. I don't know why her appetite and activity level changes from one day to the next, but it sure makes life complicated. I thought we'd finally found a healthy food that Dot really likes, but today she wanted to eat Dash's food when she finally became hungry. She didn't eat much. Absolutely nothing is predictable anymore.

I thought Dot was going to have a great day, because she slept well for the first time in ages. There were no middle of the night accidents last night and everybody got a good night's sleep. Oddly, even though she was well rested, Dot was very shaky on her feet this morning. She improved a bit as the day progressed, but today definitely wasn't as good as yesterday. I wish I knew why things ebb and flux like this, but I probably never will.

I hope Dot feels better tomorrow. I was really starting to feel good that her appetite and enthusiasm were returning. Today was a bit of a setback. We still ate and we still walked, but Dot was obviously feeling tired. Maybe a good night's sleep will help.

Patches is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2689

I didn't get any sleep last night, but today went reasonably well. I actually had time to run down to the hipster restaurant and pick up some breakfast to go before Janet left for work. I gave Dot her morning pills and then sat down to enjoy some delicious cinnamon pancakes. Dot didn't eat her own breakfast until almost 11 AM, but who care about timing anymore. She ate pretty well and wanted to eat out of her bowl again instead of being hand fed.

The reason I didn't get much sleep last night is that Dot can't seem to sleep all the way through the night anymore. She peed in her bed around 3 AM and while I was cleaning her up, she decided to poop as well. It was a mess. By the time I took her blankets and harness outside to rinse off with the garden hose before throwing everything in the washing machine, I was wide awake. Maybe I went back to sleep and maybe I didn't. It's hard to tell.

The only benefit to this nocturnal mishap was that it was pretty easy to get her outside again when I woke her up around sunrise. There were no leaks on the way to the back door at all. Usually Dot sleeps for hours after breakfast, but she remained active today for some reason. Maybe she's starting to feel a little better. She certainly kept me busy. I could tell that all this activity was making it hard for her to stand, so we used the wheelchair for our evening walk. I wasn't sure if she'd ever be strong enough to use the wheelchair again, but she did pretty well today. I continue to be amazed at how easily Dot is able to walk using this contraption.

I made an appointment to get a haircut tomorrow. I'm way overdue, but it's been hard to get out of the house this Spring. Today I made a ten minute trip to pick up breakfast and another ten minute trip to pay the phone bill, but that was it. The rest of the day was non-stop dog wrangling.

My new driver's license arrived today. That was quick. I was convinced that the process would take months. I probably should start doing more things online like this. The whole world is optimized for online transactions these days. Nobody wants you to go to the post office or the bank anymore.  I'm afraid I'm becoming a Luddite just like my sister. I'm just more comfortable doing things the way I've done them for most of my life.

I'm curious to see if Dot's blood work and vital signs have improved the next time we take her to the cancer center. She was genuinely close to death for almost a week and now she seems to be slowly improving. Dot is still very week and has a lot of trouble swallowing, but the fact that she is trying to eat on her own again and still wants her daily walks is pretty amazing. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but it would be really nice if she could make it to her seventeenth birthday. Hey, it's possible. Her birthday is this summer.

It took about five tiny meals, but Dot ate her full two cups of food today. I had a decent breakfast for a change and Janet and I had a nice dinner. Even Dash acted pretty normally. Not a bad way to end the week.

Dolly is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2688

I'm having trouble with schedules. Dot has a schedule. Janet has a schedule. And Dash has a schedule. All these schedules are different. We get up early on Janet's schedule, so she can help with the dogs before she goes to work. Dot doesn't want to get up this early and won't eat much until almost 11 AM. Dash wants things the way they used to be where both dogs ate and walked together. We have to give Dot's pain pills before she is really ready, because she needs to take them every eight hours. If we started the pills later, she'd be taking the last set at three in the morning. Dash hates how long it takes me to feed Dot and usually starts his high pitched barking before we are finished. Even though Dot can't hear well now, she flinches every time Dash barks. I think Dot is starting to become nocturnal. Because she gets up late, she often isn't ready to go to bed with the rest of us. I don't have a schedule at all. I just try to keep things moving from one end of the day to the other.

Last night we had a reminder that Dot is still a very sick dog. She was sleeping peacefully, but woke up about 3 AM and started crying. I took her outside and she peed, but she still seemed uncomfortable and wouldn't go back to sleep. I got a pillow and sat with her on the floor. I could hear her stomach rumbling and suspect she had a belly ache. Since Dot gets hungry later now, she often feels like eating just before we all go to bed. This probably isn't a good idea. I'm just guessing about the indigestion. Dot could have been uncomfortable last night for dozens of other reasons. I slept on the floor with her, thinking that she'd probably throw up on me, but she held her food down despite all the stomach rumbling and eventually went back to sleep. This morning Dot seemed fine. I was exhausted though.

I had a lot of trouble giving Dot her pills today. Maybe Dot is becoming wary again, or maybe it was just me. There's an art to pilling a dog properly and I don't think I was quick or coordinated enough today. Eventually I got her to take all her pills and eat a modest amount of food, but the effort seemed to take forever. It doesn't help that Dash is becoming a picky eater as well. I have to mix in a little bit of Dot's food to get him to eat. It's all way too complicated. Dash has always had a sensitive stomach and it has taken us years to find a diet that he liked and was healthy for him. Now all that's out the window. I feed the dogs what they'll eat and just hope for some peace and tranquility.

I think my body is falling apart. I've lost five pounds in the past month and a half while still eating normally. This doesn't seem right. This morning, my right hand was swollen when I woke up and I could barely move my fingers. I'm pretty sure that holding Dot up caused this, but there is nothing I can do about it. I'm still deathly afraid of pain pills and refuse to take them. This leaves me with some pretty sore shoulders, knees, and wrists. I've seen what addiction to pain medication can do and I'm not going down that road. If I ever find myself in Dot's situation, I'll probably reconsider, but compared to Dot, I'm still pretty healthy.

When I was going out to pick up some Thai food for dinner tonight, the "Service Required" message came on in my car. Damn. Whenever I see that message on the dash, I know it's going to be expensive. I still do all required maintenance though. I'm pretty sure I treat my car better than I treat myself. Ordinarily, I'd take the car in tomorrow, but I think I'll wait a few weeks so the charges will appear on next month's credit card bill. There's enough on this month's bill already.

I'm not sure what I'll do for breakfast tomorrow. Going out on Friday morning just doesn't work anymore. Maybe if we all get up early, I can run out and pick up something in a to-go box while Janet is getting ready for work. I did take the trash out to the curb tonight, but I've still got to give Dot her nighttime pills.

Crosby is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2687

Dot didn't want to be hand fed today. She wanted to stand up and eat dry food out of her bowl. She was still slow as molasses, but she carefully chewed and swallowed each piece of kibble and then drank some water. It was like old times.

We still had our moments this morning, but the crisis appears to be over for now. Today's problems weren't life threatening and mostly involved Dot's ongoing incontinence problems. I wasn't prepared for her renewed energy this morning. When I woke up, Dot was already awake. I raced to open the back door, but by the time I returned to pick her up using the harness, Dot had already tried to get up on her own, started peeing, and then slipped and fell in the puddle of pee. I took her outside and then placed her on a protective mat so I could clean up the mess. While I was cleaning up the pee, Dot tried to get up again and this time she pooped on one of the living room rugs.

By the time I got Dot and the house cleaned up again, it was already pretty late. It looked like it was going to rain, so I decided to walk Dot before fixing my own breakfast. This was a good plan because it did rain shortly after I returned. Luckily, I didn't have to walk Dash this morning, because Janet had already walked him very early before I woke up. By the time I finished breakfast, washed all the soiled rugs, and did the dishes, it was noon.

Giving Dot her pain pills is still a problem. She hates having me put the pills down her throat. To make the process as smooth as possible, I sit on the living room floor with her, surrounded by little plates of her favorite food of the day. I make sure she's relaxed and still eating and then I hide each pill in a small ball of cheese and place them down her throat one at a time. Between each pill I make sure she eats something, to insure that the pill has been swallowed. If I can get the pills down her throat quickly, she hardly even notices. If I'm slow, or don't place the pill properly, there's always a chance that Dot will bite me. So far, she's only bitten me once. She wasn't trying to bite me. She just closed her mouth while my hand was still in it.

Dash has noticed the huge variety of food we've assembled to keep Dot eating and decided to become a picky eater himself. There's nothing wrong with Dash. He's just being a little shit. I've given up trying to make him eat his regular food. I just place a few kibbles of each variety we have on a large dinner plate and see which one he goes for. It changes from day to day. I fill his bowl with whatever brand he picks and usually we're good for the day. I've probably created a monster, but I can't think of anything else at the moment. My day is complicated enough as it is.

There is no consistency to Dot's eating and sleeping habits anymore. Sometimes she'll be hungry when she wakes up. Other times she won't have any interest in food until much later in the day. I feed her whenever she wants to eat and by the end of the day we're usually pretty close to our quota. She's still not eating enough, but I don't think we need to worry about Dot starving anymore.

I wish I could tell you that being a full time dog nurse was causing me to miss deadlines, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. Work is so slow that I have plenty of time to get everything done anyway. It's probably good that business is slow. I'm not sure how much stress I can handle. At this point, I definitely don't need to add website problems and writing deadlines to my day.

I continue to be amazed that Dot is still with us. I guess miracles do happen from time to time.

Milo is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2686

Dot has eaten for three days now without throwing up. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a big deal, but considering the condition Dot was in last week, it is nothing short of miraculous. I called the oncologist today to give her an update and she had no explanation for Dot's surprising rebound. She just said she was happy for us and hoped that she'd see Dot again next month for her next recheck.

I'm so glad we didn't give up on Dot when things were looking very grim last week. We came very close to thinking she had no chance and that the kindest thing we could do was put her down. I honestly have no idea how she received a temporary reprieve from what everyone thought was inevitable. It's obvious that the new pain medication is much more effective. It's possible that pain was causing her body to shut down. Maybe the cancer is in some kind of remission too. Who knows. I'm not going to spend a lot of time analyzing this. The important thing now is to keep Dot eating.

I don't think Dot will ever chew or swallow normally again. If we can get food in her though, it comes out normally on the other end. Her digestive system seems to be working just fine. I've learned to take my time feeding her. She takes tiny little bites and sometimes you have to massage her throat to encourage her to swallow. Dot doesn't appear to be hungry early in the morning anymore, so I've moved her main meal to later in the day. The goal is just to get her to eat two cups of something by the end of the day. I haven't got there yet, but we're getting closer.

While Dot was sleeping, I went over to Snap Kitchen and picked up dinner for the next several days. I'm surprised at how popular places like Snap Kitchen and Nature's Plate have become. I suspect nobody has time to cook anymore. I love Snap Kitchen. The meals are delicious. The menu is very creative. And you can microwave everything when you get home in just a few minutes.

I've got to figure out what to do about Dash. He's getting jealous of all the time I'm spending with Dot. It's not like he really wants me to spend the same amount of time with him. He just wants Dot's food. I can't really feed the dogs the same thing. Dash has always had problems with crystals in his urine and he needs a low purine diet. Also, he'd be a fat little piggie if I fed him what Dot is eating now. Since he tries to steal Dot's food, I have to pen him in the back of the house while Dot is eating. I understand why Dash is mad. Sometimes it takes hours to feed Dot.

This whole experience has got me thinking about my Dad's last days. Like Dot, he had extreme difficulty swallowing. Dad's problem was Parkinson's Disease. Doctors gave him swallowing tests and when he didn't pass, they put in a feeding tube. He didn't want a feeding tube, but they didn't give him a choice. Hospitals and doctors are so afraid of lawsuits that they would rather make a patient miserable than risk the wrath of family and relatives if death was preventable. I know for a fact that Dad would rather have choked on a plate of barbecue than be fed through a feeding tube for the final three months of his life. I have a feeling that if someone had the patience to feed Dad the same way I'm feeding Dot, he would have done just fine.

So far, the hardest thing about providing hospice care is that every day is different. I like predictability, and there is nothing predictable about dealing with end of life situations. Dot's comfort level, sleeping habits, and ability to eat change from day to day. At some point during the day, there is always a surprise that I wasn't expecting. I'd like to think that I have a plan, but I'm really just improvising. There isn't an instruction manual for this sort of thing.

Bogart is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day