Day 3320

The original Bladerunner took place in 2019. We don't have replicants or flying cars yet, but in many ways we are already living in a dystopian world. The pumps are falling apart at the place where I regularly get gas. I have to stick my credit card in the slot four or five times before it registers and activates the pump. The thing that prints your receipt is perpetually out of paper and sometimes the switch that selects premium gas doesn't work. I could go somewhere else, but this place is convenient. I've learned to adapt to the dilapidated machinery.

When I go to the grocery store, I rarely get a cart where all four wheels work. Usually at least one wheel is stuck, twirls around aimlessly, or doesn't even touch the ground. Again, I've learned to adapt to pushing a three wheeled cart around the store. Slowly but surely we are getting used to living in a world where nothing works. I don't pick up the phone anymore because it is just an automated voice trying to sell me something. When the cable TV stops working, which it does almost every day, I just turn it off, wait thirty seconds and then turn it on again. Sometimes this works, but nobody knows why. Going to the airport is a nightmare. So is driving in rush hour traffic. This isn't going to end well. Not only have we lost the ability to build a better world, we can't even cope with living in the world we've got.

I certainly don't have any answers, I can barely cope with an old house and a sick dog. Dash wouldn't poop before he went to bed last night, so I knew I wouldn't get much sleep. At around 3 AM, he had to go. He pooped on his puppy training pad, got up, pooped again in the hallway, and then about thirty minutes later, pooped a third time on a fresh puppy pad as we were trying to get back to sleep.

I've been trying to trim Dash's nails while he takes his morning nap. I can usually only trim one or two nails at a time, but he takes a lot of naps, so it's worth a try. Today I managed to trim both his dewclaws. Then I hit the quick on one of the nails on a rear paw which quickly ended today's grooming session. The all black nails are hard to trim because you don't really know where the quick is. It took a while to stop the bleeding. Amazingly, Dash never woke up during this entire process. It was a blessing that he stayed sleeping, because otherwise there would have been blood all over the house.

I think we may have found something that will work to protect the bed at night. It is a rubberized canvas mat that we used to use when we took the dogs in the car. I originally thought that this would be too heavy and awkward on the bed, but it seems to stay in place. Our motto these days is "whatever works."

I read an article today that said gum disease can contribute to the development of Alzheimer's Disease. Maybe this is what is happening with Dash. He does have gum disease and his cognitive abilities have certainly declined. It's really a shame that you can't effectively clean a dog's teeth without anesthesia. We brush his teeth and use an oral rinse to keep his mouth clean, but it is an uphill battle. I wish the vet had cleaned his teeth one more time before everybody decided that Dash wasn't a candidate for anesthesia anymore. They don't think he would wake up if he was anesthetized again. I feel bad that we can't do a better job of keeping Dash's teeth and gums healthy, but we're doing the best we can.

Tomorrow it's time for the gym again. I'd really rather just sleep, but something tells me that in a dystopian world you've got to keep moving.

Jazz is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 3006

I was listening to NPR as I was driving to the gym this morning. There was a program about Alzheimer's Disease and they were interviewing someone at a nursing home in Germany where they were having problems with patients becoming extremely agitated and trying to run away. They tried a lot of things without much success and then someone suggested that they build a bus stop right in front of the facility where no bus would ever come. Patients still tried to escape and almost inevitably went straight to the bus stop where they sat on the bench and waited for the bus that never came. Eventually they forgot what they were waiting for and a nurse would come and talk with them and lead them back inside. Doctors were surprised that the patients no longer seemed agitated. Instead of being restrained or locked inside the facility, they had been allowed to slowly and peacefully forget their inner voices. I don't know why this story resonated with me. It just seemed to make a lot of sense. Perhaps we all need a place to forget the things that trouble us.

Four years ago today Dash was in the middle of radiation treatments for his thyroid cancer. The treatments were arduous and we were just hoping that Dash was strong enough to complete the program. Three years ago today Dot was slowly learning to walk again after spinal surgery. Two years ago today Dot could walk pretty well, but her abdominal cancer had returned and she was taking chemo again, along with monthly ultrasound scans to measure the size of her tumors. A year later Dot was too weak to continue the chemo treatments and walking was limited to slowly going around the block. It's been a long journey. Now Dash is going to the same cancer center for monthly scans to measure the size of the blood clot in his heart. Sometimes it's hard to remember when the dogs were healthy. Actually, they were both healthy for a long, long time. I need to remember the good times. There were lots and lots of good times. I'd like to think if we remember the good times, maybe we can recreate them.

The gym was quiet today. The basketball players are gone and I have the court to myself again. Actually, just about everybody was gone this morning. I wonder why gym attendance fluctuates so much. Once I get a routine in place, I like to keep it. Apparently, other people are more spontaneous about their Sunday activities.

It rained a lot last night, but I didn't feel like going up on the roof. Now that Spring is on the way, the roof is covered in sticky yellow catkins that fall as the oak trees start to bud. These little flowers turn the standing water bright yellow and make the clean up process much more difficult. I need to clear the catkins away soon though. They form little dams that hold the water and turn the roof into a duck pond.

It's always something. I cleared a slow draining sink today. That was enough drudgery for one day. I need to make a new pair of protective boots for Dash. The pair he's been wearing has just about worn out. I'll put this on my list for next week. If the new refrigerator repairman can solve my ongoing problems tomorrow, it will be a good week no matter what else happens. I'm hoping for the best.

Nick is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 2709

Today was just like yesterday. Dot wouldn't eat any breakfast and wasn't interested in food when she took her morning and afternoon pills. I used a syringe to feed her some of the Dogsure liquid supplement in the morning, but she didn't start eating on her own until almost 6 PM. She ate half a cup of her kibble, but not nearly enough for the day. I'm counting on her appetite returning one more time before we all go to bed.

I've discovered that Dot will only eat things that she is able to chew. If she tries to chew something and it falls out of her mouth, she won't touch it again. Unfortunately, this rules out a lot of tasty options. She really wanted to eat the flank steak today but it kept falling out of her mouth. I tried different sized pieces, but nothing worked. I think the reason she still prefers the dry kibble that has been her regular diet for years is that she can still chew the tiny pieces.

I've become obsessed with feeding Dot. I've got it in my head that if I fail, she will die. I know that Dot is very old and has lived long past her expiration date already, but that doesn't matter. I can tell she wants to keep going. Eating is one of life's fundamental pleasures. Dot has always loved to eat. I just wish I could find a more effective way to help her. My Dad enjoyed eating too. When Parkinson's Disease took away his ability to swallow, his doctors decided to use a feeding tube. The feeding tube was supposed to be temporary, but of course it wasn't. I think the doctors knew that it was never coming out. Looking back, I realize that Dad started to lose his will to live when that feeding tube was inserted. He would have rather have died choking on a juicy steak than have a nurse pump some tasteless goo into his stomach through a feeding tube every morning.

So how do I make Dot's last days pleasurable? She still gets her walks. We've taken care of the pain as well as we can. Eating is more complex. Dot definitely wants to eat. Unfortunately, the signals just aren't traveling reliably from her brain to her mouth. I'm really starting to believe that Dot does have some canine form of Alzheimer's Disease. Nothing else effectively explains what I am observing everyday.

I took a little nap while the dogs were sleeping this afternoon. When I woke up I realized that I should have gone to the pharmacy and picked up a prescription I'd run out of. Oh, well. I guess it won't kill me to skip a day. Even though life is very basic now, it is still hard to get everything done. I finally did climb up on the roof today and cleared away the standing water from our recent rain. I noticed a few new areas that need to be patched. I'll make another call to the roofer and maybe he'll be back out to the house by the Fourth of July.

I've started eating the food that Dot has rejected. I ate the salmon tonight for dinner. Maybe I'll eat the rest of the flank steak tomorrow. Dot's appetite finally did return about 10 PM when she decided that she wanted to eat Dash's food. Works for me. I have no idea what Dot will decide to eat tomorrow, but I do know that I'm going to have pancakes. Maybe she likes pancakes.

Ranger is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 2707

Today was discouraging. Dot ate, but not nearly as well as she did yesterday. When we went to the cancer center we didn't even do the regular battery of cancer tests. Dot's oncologist agreed with us that cancer wasn't Dot's biggest problem now. It is her ability to keep eating that will determine how long she is able to stay with us.

The oncologist was very kind. She spent a lot of time talking with us about end of life issues and helped us understand the critical things we need to be looking at before we make a final decision. You'd think pain would be the most important issue, but Dot's pain medication is so effective that Dot is not in pain. The oncologist said that you have to be careful not to get over confident with a dog that is taking Dot's medications. The powerful meds could be masking some serious conditions that would otherwise be evident. We need to keep an eye on Dot's anemia. It is getting worse, but it is not critical. We need to make sure Dot is well hydrated. Even though she is drinking water, she might not be getting enough.

The doctors and nurses at the cancer center have been watching Dot's decline for at least a year now. Dot's oncologist thinks now that she has a form of canine Alzheimer's disease, along with her many other ailments. Alzheimer's would explain a lot. A lot of times Dot seems to forget the most basic things, including how to eat. Not all vets agree that dogs can get Alzheimer's disease, but many think they can. In fact, some researchers are studying dogs with cognitive problems to help understand how Alzheimer's works in humans.

The trip to the cancer center made Dot very tired, so we weren't planning on taking a walk today. I took a short nap right after dinner and much to my surprise Janet told me that she and Dot walked to the park and back while I was asleep. Dot is definitely determined. She didn't eat enough today, but at least she tried. We were able to add canned tuna and flank steak to the short list of things she likes this week. I hope she still likes the tuna tomorrow. It's actually pretty good for her. We now try to feed her some of the Dogsure liquid supplement using a syringe every day to help insure that she is still getting enough nutrition with her constantly changing diet.

I may have lost one of my last remaining clients. I learned that the company owner is planning to use one of his sons to do his marketing now. This has happened to me before. I think everybody's kid has gone into marketing. That's what they all seem to do these days. Sometimes I get hired back however when the parents discover that their kids aren't quite as sharp as they thought they were. We'll see what happens. I'm kind of at the stage where I don't really care.

The audio gear I ordered last week arrived this afternoon and I didn't even open the box. That's what kind of day it's been. I'm totally focused on Dot now. If she still wants to keep on going for a few more weeks, I'm going to try to make it happen for her.

Willie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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