Day 2684

Dot bought herself another day. She was very reluctant to get up this morning and didn't want to eat. When I did get her up and took her outside to pee, she headed straight for the back gate. She wanted a walk. I continue to be amazed at the tenaciousness of this dog. We thought maybe a short walk would stimulate her appetite, so we slowly headed toward the park. Dot smelled the flowers, lay in the grass, and enjoyed herself, but she still wouldn't eat when we got home.

On the way home a lady we often see while walking the dogs stopped me and asked about Dot. She recommended some food that she said her dog loved after he got cancer. I thanked her for the suggestion and then continued on our way home. We were almost back to the house when I saw the lady running to catch up with us. She had a can in her hand.  She stuck the can in my jacket pocket and urged me to try it. I thanked her again, but was kind of baffled. We were well beyond canned dog food solutions.

I was finally able to get Dot interested in some small pieces of sliced ham I had in the refrigerator. This was enough so she could take her morning pain pills, but it wasn't nearly enough to keep her nourished. Usually she goes back to sleep after she eats, but she seemed restless this morning. I thought she needed to pee, but she just kept wandering around in the yard. Keep in mind that she's not really wandering around on her own. I'm holding her up using the harness. After an hour of restless behavior, she threw up.  Although Dot went back to sleep and rested peacefully after this, I was very worried. Dot had probably thrown up the pain pills we had given her earlier in the morning, along with whatever nutrition she'd had in the past 12 hours.

While Dot was sleeping, Janet and I wondered if this was the day. I called the vet again and asked about making an appointment later in the evening. I didn't confirm anything though, because Dot has always snapped back late in the day. On Friday she regained her appetite around 3 PM. Yesterday it was 4 PM. Today she seemed tired and listless until almost 6 PM. Since Dot didn't seem interested in cheese or the sliced ham she had eaten this morning, we opened the can the lady had given me this morning. Castor and Pollux Natural Ultramix the can said. Dot loved it. She was able to swallow the bits of chicken and turkey, and lapped up the chicken broth when I put it in a small saucer in front of her. It took about an hour to hand feed her this mix, but she ended up eating almost three quarters of the can. This was great news, especially since the Ultramix stew is much healthier for her than the cheese, Fritos, and lunch meat we've been experimenting with for the past several days.

So far Dot has not thrown up her tasty meal. She took her second round of pain pills and even wanted an evening walk. I'm really glad that last night's rain brought some much cooler weather with it. Temperatures were in the 40's early this morning. Dot loves cold weather and she really enjoyed her two short walks.

Dot has a strong heart so she probably won't die in her sleep. She has a strong spirit, so she probably won't give up or go quietly. She's still dying though. It's up to us to decide when the time is right. If Dot wants one more walk and is able to eat enough to stay nourished, I'm delighted to give her an extra day. I'd love to give her an extra week.                  

Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2681

There's nothing kind or convenient about death. I went to bed last night trying to prepare myself for the inevitable, but Dot woke up this morning with other ideas. She wanted a walk. Dot seemed in surprisingly good spirits for a dog that is losing weight at an alarming rate and has extreme difficulty eating. We let Dot rest instead of trying to get her up this morning. Janet walked Dash before she left for work and I stayed behind to watch over Dot. It wasn't long before she raised her head and gave me the sign that she needed to pee. After taking her outside I sat on the floor with her and tried to feed her tiny pieces of boiled chicken and cheeseburger. Eventually she managed to eat one third of a chicken breast and about a quarter of a cheeseburger without the bun. I had to pen Dash in the back of the house because it was driving him wild to see me hand feeding Dot the cheeseburger.

Dot seemed tired after what seemed like a monumental effort to keep from starving. She was hungry. When Dot went back to sleep, I ate my own breakfast. Before I finished, I heard her barking. She still wanted a walk. We made our way ever so slowly to the park and spent about twenty minutes sitting in the grass. Dot was alert and enjoyed the windy day and the surprisingly cool weather.

It's so sad that Dot really wants to continue, but her body won't let her. She doesn't have long, but she definitely wasn't ready to go today. How can you put a dog down who is eager to go on a walk? I worry that she isn't getting enough nutrition. The list of things she will try to eat keeps getting smaller. This morning she was willing to eat the burger and boiled chicken. This afternoon, she had no interest in meat. The only thing she would eat for the rest of the day were her favorite dog treats and a small amount of kibble.

I can't hide Dot's pills in anything now. She chews thing for so long that the pills inevitably fall out of whatever we've hidden them in and as soon as she bites into one, the bad taste stops her from eating anything else. Dot hates people messing with her mouth and even when she was healthy, she resisted being pilled. Unfortunately, that's the only way to get a pill down her now. I try to open her mouth and put the pill down her throat as quickly as I can and then follow it with something tasty to keep her chewing and swallowing. I know I'm going to get bit pretty soon.

A vet I've known for decades called me this evening to offer some moral support. The call mean a lot. There's not much more that doctors can do for Dot at this point, but I appreciated another opinion about how to handle these final days. We talked about the many dogs we have known and loved over the years and how hard it is to say goodbye. I felt a little better knowing that her clinic was nearby and that they would be expecting me if I had to call this weekend.

I wonder if this morning's walk was Dot's last? She didn't feel like walking this evening. We did finally manage to get Dot to take her evening meds, but it was a struggle. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow.

Bowser is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day