Day 2680

It's time to begin saying goodbye. Dot may have a day or she may have a week, but she doesn't have long. It's so sad. The new pain pills we started giving Dot really do work. She woke up with more energy than I've seen in weeks. She actually got up by herself several times today and began walking around the house on her own. The problem is that she can't swallow. The paralysis that has been affecting her legs for months seems to have spread to her neck. If Dot can't swallow, she can't eat. The swallowing difficulty didn't happen overnight, but within the past several days it has become quite alarming.

I spent most of the day trying to get Dot to eat. I was able to hand feed her a small amount of boiled chicken breast this morning, but she wasn't interested in her kibble and can no longer swallow cheese or peanut butter. Dot is still hungry. She definitely hasn't lost her appetite. She will chew things but they just fall out of her mouth. Getting her to take her meds is almost impossible. She doesn't want you anywhere near her mouth and tries to bite you if you attempt to open the mouth and put a pill down her throat. Even the vet wasn't able to pill her yesterday.

This leaves us with very few options. After spending over an hour trying to get her to eat a tiny amount of boiled chicken breast, I gave up and let her sleep. Less than two hours later she threw up everything she had eaten in the past twelve hours. I couldn't figure out how she had thrown up so much, because she is still having normal bowel movements. Food is still passing through her digestive system. After several calls to her oncologist and her regular vet, we decided to give her an injection of Cerenia in an attempt to stabilize her and stop the vomiting.

Everyone agreed that if Dot continued to reject food and vomited up what she did eat, she wouldn't last very long. She couldn't take the Cerenia in pill form, so we drove her to the vet for a shot. The nurse was very nice. She came out to the car when we arrived and gave her the shot. We didn't even have to take Dot out of the car.

As the day progressed, Dot got a little better. She hasn't thrown up anymore and although I wasn't able to get her to take her afternoon meds, we did have a little success at dinner. The thing that saved the day was a leftover cheeseburger that Janet brought home from an office lunch. We had more success hiding her pills in the juicy cheese burger than anything else we've tried so far. After dinner tonight I went to the store and bought some ground beef to make hamburgers with and some American cheese slices in an attempt to duplicate the burger that Janet brought home from work.

Dot was able to take her evening meds with our hastily made cheeseburgers, but this is not a long term solution. Despite spending most of the day trying to feed her, she only held down less than half of what she usually eats. Dot has some of the best vets on the planet and none of them could offer me a solution. We may have run out of options. If Dot's throat is becoming paralyzed, we will need to make a decision quickly.

Dot is calm and resting peacefully now. She made it through the day. We'll see how she does in the morning.

Brady is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 2247

Today was discouraging. Dot's oncologist found a second tumor during her ultrasound exam. We won't know whether she also has kidney problems until the complete lab reports come back later in the week, but we did learn that Dot has high blood pressure. The high blood pressure could be causing the abnormalities discovered in the routine urinalysis we ran last week. None of this is good news. Dot's oncologist wants us to consider resuming chemotherapy at a lower dose to see whether Dot can handle it. This will slow down the growth of the cancer, but it might cause her to become weaker and make it harder for her to walk again. It's going to be a tough choice.

Cancer is so relentless that it's really hard to beat it entirely. Most treatments don't actually cure cancer, they just slow down it's advance. Despite her limited mobility, Dot is still a happy dog who enjoys her life. If we can come up with a treatment plan that will keep her happy and motivated, I'm willing to try it. The day Dot becomes severely depressed with her condition, it's all over. I think this is true with people as well when they become ill. You've got to have a reason to keep moving forward.

I'm having problems with my car and had to make a service appointment. It used to only take a day or two to get an appointment, but now the wait can be up to two weeks. I'm sure this has something to do with the economy. The dealership is still selling a lot of cars, but they haven't added any new mechanics. As a result, customers wait longer. The same thing seems to be happening when you need a plumber or make a doctor's appointment. Airlines are the worst. Fuel prices have come down dramatically during the past year, but have ticket prices decreased? Nope. Flying is just as unpleasant as it has always been.

I digress though. I was talking about my car. The car is still under warranty, but is getting old enough that things are starting to break. My current problem is with the electrical system. Modern automotive electronics are so complex that they are almost unfixable when things start to go wrong. Usually they end up replacing the expensive computer brain that controls everything. That's why I'd like to get this problem taken care of before the warranty runs out. I was able to keep my old Defender 90 long after the warranty ran out because it was basically a very simple machine. I don't think I'll be able to hang on to this car without a good warranty. The car is just too complicated. Repairs are already so expensive that it would make more sense to just trade it in as soon as the warranty runs out. Luckily, I've still got a few years to decide what to do next.

I don't think I've got a few years with Dot. I'm worried. After all we've been through, it's hard for me to accept that she won't live forever. I've never seen a dog with this much strength, determination, and resilience. We're getting near the end of the road however. I'm observant enough to see what's happening. I'm just not ready.

I was pleased to see the outsiders win tonight in New Hampshire. Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump are as different as day and night, but each is authentic in their own way. I hope this sends a message to Washington DC that politics as usual is over. I don't know what the solution is, but we've got to find a way to move beyond the total gridlock our current politicians have created. It won't be easy because we have allowed ourselves to become so fragmented as a country that nobody can agree on anything anymore. The next year or so should be very interesting.

Jazz it today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1893

We have scheduled Dot for surgery. This was and will remain a very tough decision. Dot is an old dog. She doesn't know this however. Her irrepressible spirit has carried her through tough challenges before and I'm hoping it will again. Watching her progress this week, I am convinced that she is determined to walk again. Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that prednisolone alone will ever provide a realistic path to recovery. After a week on the drug, she still can't stand on her own. Prednisolone isn't a long-term solution anyway and we have already had to reduce her dosage to avoid risks and complications. The real problem is that her spinal cord is still compressed and pinched by the herniated disc. Until this pressure is released, there is a real danger that she could damage the cord further, eliminating any chance for recovery.

If Dot could continue to make small improvements day after day until she eventually walked on her own again, I probably wouldn't even consider surgery. Both the neurosurgeon and my regular vet have already told me that this outcome is unlikely. The initial improvements we saw from giving her prednisolone have already slowed and we can't continue using steroids forever. I'm becoming more and more convinced that despite the risk, spinal surgery is the only alternative that will give Dot a realistic opportunity of walking again.

I really hate making decisions like this, but avoiding them is even worse.You've got to be able to make decisions to lead a normal life. I have known some genuinely indecisive people in my life and most of them were miserable. You simply can't stay sane if you are continually second guessing every aspect of your life. I know that Dot wants to walk again. I also know that Janet, Dot and I cannot continue living like this forever. Our current routine is unsustainable. When Dot finally realizes that she can no longer move, she will become depressed and lose her will to keep going. Janet and I will simply burn out at some point. The surgeon told me today that in the best of worlds, Dot could be walking again within two weeks after surgery. In the worst of worlds, recovery could take up to three months. I can live with that. Of course there is always the possibility that the surgery will fail completely. Everyone says this possibility is very small, but you've got to be prepared for it.

I'm glad I had an opportunity to go out and have my special breakfast this morning. The rest of the day was extremely busy and stressful. I spent the day trying to anticipate what Dot was going to do next while I was working on completing my writing assignments and fine tuning the new business presentation my friend and I are working on. There were some website revisions as well, but I haven't even had time to get around to them yet. I wish that Dot preferred sleeping right next to my computer, but she usually doesn't. The petcams work pretty well for monitoring Dot's activity in other rooms, but I have to act fast if I sense that she is going to try to get up on her own. We don't want her to do that! Dot needs to go outside and pee a lot more often now as well. That's one of the side effects of the prednisolone. So far, I am juggling all these activities pretty well, but it is exhausting.

I'm glad that Dot is still happy. That helps a lot. I wish I could sleep all day tomorrow, but I suspect that tomorrow will be exactly like today. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If that's true, I should be pretty strong by Summer.

Odie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1892

The days are starting to run together. I get up at 4 AM to take Dot out to pee. I go back to sleep again for a few hours. I walk Dash. Janet and I figure out a schedule for who is going to monitor Dot during the day. I do some writing. I work on a few websites. I take a shower. I worry about Dot some more. Now, what day is it today?

During one of the periods where it was Janet's turn to watch Dot, I went to the storage warehouse to look for my Anton Bauer Quad charger. I couldn't find it anywhere. Did I throw the charger away years ago because it was defective? Is it really at home somewhere? Is it hidden away behind a cardboard box in the storeroom somewhere? I don't have a clue. What is the use of having a storage warehouse if I can't find anything anymore?

On my way home, I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I was surprised to see that the price had doubled. "Has my coverage changed," I asked the pharmacist? It was a legitimate question, since insurance coverage is constantly changing. "No, your coverage is the same," the pharmacist said. "We just raised our prices."

I finished my component of the new business proposal that my friend and I are working on. He thought it looked good, but wondered whether we could deliver something so ambitious. I think this is doable, but we'll never know till we try. If we get this business, I'll be even busier than I am now. A lot busier. Busy is good though. At least I won't worry about vet bills so much. It's amazing how much better I've become as a writer since I've been forced to totally depend on this skill for a living. What I accomplish in an hour these days used to take me an entire day at the ad agencies. That being said, I had a lot more fun as a young ad agency creative. Work has been more of a chore than an adventure lately. That's what I like about this new proposal. If we get this gig, it is entirely possible that the adventure may return.

When my vet came over this afternoon to give Dot acupuncture and cold laser therapy, I asked her what she would do about surgery if Dot was her dog. "I'd probably go for it," she said, and then quickly added, "but only because I'm a vet." I wanted to ask "But what would you do if you were me," but of course she isn't me. This is a very rough surgery for a dog as old as Dot, and I don't have the knowledge or the resources that a good vet has. When she's having a good day I want to leave Dot alone. If she's only got a year left anyway, why make six months of that year an arduous recovery from major surgery? When Dot is having a bad day, I want to pull out all the stops and do everything possible. I need to remember that this go for broke attitude doesn't always work.

I still regret trying to intervene when we discovered Greta had liver cancer. The surgeon was very good, but the cancer had already metastasized and Greta was too old and weak to survive. She never even made it out of the hospital. Spot's second TPLO surgery was a mistake. The surgery on his left knew was so successful that we thought it would succeed equally well on the other knee when he tore a second anterior cruciate ligament. The second surgery failed. Spot was a lot older by then and even though the surgery was technically a success, Spot never walked again. It's hard to forget these things, even though many other surgeries succeeded brilliantly.

Janet is going to stay with Dot tomorrow morning so I can go enjoy my favorite breakfast. She goes to the gym almost every day now to stay sane. I depend on a great breakfast at least once a week.

Spot is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1890

The hardest thing about caring for a sick dog is that they don't understand what's going on. Even in her weakened and very compromised condition, Dot still wants to go about her normal life. If I wasn't continually watching her like a hawk, Dot would attempt to drag herself around the house, further damaging her already fragile spinal cord. In situation like this you've got to confine the dog to a small safe space where they can't hurt themselves, while still providing enough attention and activity so they don't become terribly depressed. Since Dot is taking prednisolone, she doesn't even have the luxury of sleeping for long periods of time. The drug makes her drink lots of water and urinate frequently, so she has to go outside and pee every few hours. I have to be prepared to move her with the Help 'Em Up Harness on very short notice. So far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job with all this, but it's exhausting.

During the periods when Dot was sleeping today, I managed to write another new article and submit it to my client. There were also a variety of website management issues that needed to be dealt with along with some client correspondence that needed to be addressed. With my isolated, computer centered work environment, I imagine that my work life will continue pretty much as usual. I will still sit in a small room and stare at a large monitor for long periods of time. I can still do anything that can be accomplished using a keyboard and a phone. I just can't do anything else.

I was hoping the decision that needs to be made about surgery would become easier as I watched Dot's progress. So far, it hasn't. I see small signs of improvement each day, but they are very small. I don't know if it will be weeks or months before her condition becomes significantly better. The main problem is that I don't have months. If the prednisolone isn't effective at reducing the inflammation in her spine enough for Dot to stand on her own again, her paralysis will become permanent.

Dot's vet is going to come over to the house in a few days to evaluate her condition and give her another acupuncture treatment. I'm hoping that she is able to see something I might have missed. It was much easier to make a decision about Dot's abdominal and Dash's thyroid cancer last year. Even though the surgery was risky in both cases, they both had to have it, or they would die. The surgeon was also very confident about his ability to remove the tumors. Spinal surgery is a lot trickier. Removing a foreign object from the spinal cord without damaging the cord itself is a very delicate process and extremely difficult for the best of surgeons. The fact the Dot would have one of the best neurosurgeons in Texas doing the operation still wouldn't give her more than a 60% chance of success.

I've been through this before with other dogs, but I was younger then. I'm incredibly tired right now. I know it's just a matter of time before this crisis joins all the other traumatic moments in my past. Even the healthiest of dogs won't live forever. Janet will probably return to work as soon as this crisis is over. It's a mystery to me why she doesn't enjoy retirement, but it is an equal mystery why dogs don't live longer. Whatever happens, I'll still be here recounting the tiny details of daily life. Dot and Dash might not be able to make it until Day 5000, but I'm determined to hang in there.

Lexi is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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Day 1886

After a long day of evaluations and tests, Dot is resting quietly tonight at a veterinary specialty hospital in Lewisville, Texas. Why one of the best veterinary neurological centers in the country is located so far away from one of the biggest cities in Texas is still a mystery to me. The journey to Lewisville normally takes about 30 to 40 minutes when traffic is light. Of course traffic is never light in Dallas. We spent over an hour on the road this morning, mostly because an accident on the freeway shut down everything but a single lane of traffic at one point.

The accident made us a little late for our appointment, but the neurologist couldn't have been nicer. She was thorough, professional, and patiently answered all of our questions. We had to leave Dot at the facility because the neurologist said their in-house CAT scan equipment wouldn't be able to adequately image her spine in great enough detail. After driving Dot all the way to Lewisville, the hospital ambulance then had to drive her back to Irving where she received an MRI at Animal Imaging. This advanced imaging center has an MRI machine large enough to scan a horse. Race horses are brought here from all over the country for diagnostic imaging. I have been to this center before. It is an amazing place and very expensive. After our initial exam, we left Dot in the capable hands of the neurologist and returned to Dallas to pick up Dash from another veterinarian where he was spending the day in doggie day care. Life becomes very complicated when you can't leave your dogs alone for long periods of time. Dash is still prone to seizures and of course Dot currently can't even walk.

Late this afternoon, the neurologist called us with the results of her MRI scan. It was worse than I thought, but not totally unexpected, especially considering her slowly deteriorating condition during the past year. Dot has multiple bulging disks, including one severely damaged disc that is already pressing against the spinal cord. Considering Dot's age and the length of time her spine has been injured, there is at best a 60% chance that surgery can correct the problem. That leaves a 40% chance that surgery will accomplish nothing or even make the situation worse. Spinal surgery is risky even with a younger dog. In the short term, treatment with cortisone or steroids has almost exactly the same rate of success as surgery, but the benefits aren't permanent. The hard thing with an older dog is determining exactly what "short term" and "long term" mean. If cortisone and anti-inflamatory drugs can keep Dot mobile for another two years, that might be all she needs. She is, after all, a very old dog. On the other hand if surgery is the only way she'll ever have a chance of walking again, it changes the equation entirely. It's a very tough decision.

We will drive to Lewisville again tomorrow morning to pick up Dot and take her home with us. We will also begin her cortisone treatment tomorrow and hope for the best. Usually, if anti-inflammatory drugs work, you'll see some signs of improvement in about a week. If the drugs don't work at all, we've got several weeks to make a decision about surgery. We can't wait three months to decide though. At some point the condition becomes irreversible. There is no way the neurosurgeons can even attempt to fix all Dot's bulging discs. It is far too invasive. The recommended surgery would only attempt to remove the pressure caused by the worst of these damaged discs. If the spinal cord has already been compromised, it will take a long, long time to heal even after surgery. Nerve tissue regrows very slowly. Again, there are no promises that the surgery will work at all. The 60% chance of success is as close to a promise as we are ever going to get.

All I can do at this point is hope for the best. Dot is very resilient and has bounced back from serious injuries before. The past two years have taken their toll however. The desire is still there, but I don't know how much energy she has left. We'll do the best we can. That's all anyone can do.

Tessa is today's Dalmatian of the Day

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