Day 3402

Godspeed Dash. I'll see you on the other side. As Janet and I prepared to say our final goodbyes, I couldn't help but think that we'd done this way too often. We got up early this morning and prepared to make the long drive to the crematorium. These places all seem to be located in little rural communities, far from the city. It was still raining when we left the house and I was hoping that we wouldn't encounter a hailstorm. Our first stop was to pick up Dash at the cancer center. Two of his favorite nurses helped us place him in the car. They'd been with him through thyroid cancer, vestibular disease, a blood clot in the heart, and much more. We all knew this was the end of an era.

I wish pets didn't have to be placed in a freezer after they died. It must be a health regulation. Dash's fur was still soft and silky, but he was very cold. Death still seems strange and mysterious to me. The body looks exactly the same. It seems natural to want to talk to the dead, but you never get an answer. I read an article recently saying scientists now think that the brain lives on for a short time after death. I'm not sure if I like this. If Dash was still aware for a few additional moments, I hope he was comforted knowing that the two people who loved him most were still right there with him.

When we arrived at The Pet Loss Center, we wrapped Dash in his favorite blanket and sat quietly in a dimly lit room with him for a while. We remembered the good times and the bad. We probably only remembered a very small fraction of our time together. The other memories will come and go for the rest of our lives. Life with Dot and Dash was unique and special. Although both Dot and Dash were sick toward the end of their lives, they were basically very healthy dogs. We did so much together.

Since we didn't want to make the long drive to the crematorium twice, we stayed in the area while Dash was being cremated. After watching as Dash's body was placed in the retort, we had lunch in a small country restaurant the crematorium staff recommended. While we waited to pick up Dash's ashes, we enjoyed one of the best meals we've had in a long time. This family restaurant has been in the same location under the same management since 1956. The menu and prices were like traveling back to our childhood in a time machine. Our Moms made this kind of food.

There are now six little urns on our coffee table. Each dog had their own personality, but they were all definitely Dalmatians. There's something special about a Dalmatian that you're not going to understand until one of these dogs joins your family. Fun times. I just wish dogs lived longer.

I took a long walk after we returned to Dallas. I need to get some better walking shoes, but I think I'm going to be doing a lot of walking this year. While I was out today I met a photographer who was taking pictures of owls. There were two large owls, a Mom and a Dad, who were keeping guard over a nest with two baby owls. The guy said the babies weren't ready to fly yet, but that occasionally they  would stick their heads out of the hole in a dead tree where they were living. We traded stories about animals we'd seen in the park and then I continued on my way. Maybe I'll come back and take pictures of these owls someday.

I took the trash out to the curb tonight. It was the only thing that seemed normal about today.

Mattie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 3401

Weather reports can be frustrating. Ever since I woke up this morning I've been waiting for the monster storm with baseball sized hail that was headed our way. Janet changed her plans and stayed home because her previous car was damaged during a hailstorm. I took my morning walk in a slow drizzle because I was convinced that the weather was going to get worse as the day progressed. The rain never arrived. Actually, the sun is shining right now. Go figure.

There is still rain in the forecast. Now it is supposed to arrive around midnight. We'll see what happens. Texas weather is often totally unpredictable. I just hope that the storm moves through town and is well to the East by morning. We need to pick up Dash at the cancer center early tomorrow morning and drive him to our cremation appointment. I definitely don't want to do this during a hailstorm.

It's been easier than I thought to keep taking 10,000 steps a day. There's always plenty of time to walk when there's nothing else to do. I don't think there's any danger of turning into Forest Gump or anything, but I might start taking much longer daily walks. Why not? Walking alone in the woods is a great way to collect your thoughts. There are people who think I need to find a hobby. Actually, daydreaming is a pretty good hobby.

More of my art sold at auction this weekend. These secondary auctions aren't nearly as exciting as the  big ones in New York last Fall, but at least things are selling. So far, I've only had one piece that didn't get any bids at all. I've replaced most of the art that used to hang on our walls with pictures of the dogs. These pictures make me happier anyway. It's been a long time since I was an avid art collector. I'd rather look at pictures of Spot, Petey, Greta, Dot and Dash.

When we were cleaning today we found a humongous pile of dead ants under the microwave. I wonder how many years it took for that pile to accumulate? When the house settled, it left a small crack near a window frame in the kitchen. Ants came through this hole every Spring. I always sprayed, but apparently the ants were tough. Most of them kept going until they reached the microwave.

One of Dash's vets sent us a lovely bouquet of fresh flowers. They smell wonderful and remind me that we always used to keep fresh flower in the house. That didn't last for long. As we both got busier with work, the flowers would often be dead for weeks before we even noticed. I think Spot ate some flowers too. That episode put an end to the flowers. It just became too much trouble to keep track of which plants were safe for dogs and which were dangerous. With Dalmatians it's better to assume that everything is unsafe unless the dogs are being supervised.

Now that I'm getting more sleep, I thought that my resting heart rate would go down. Surprisingly, the opposite has happened. Fitbit is full of mysteries. It tells you just enough to get you wondering, but not enough to do anything really useful. I probably was just as healthy before I started counting my steps.

Bella is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 3399

Watching Notre Dame burn left me with an uneasy feeling that civilization itself was coming to an end. Paris has always been my favorite city. Every time I've been there, it seemed to represent what a great civilization could become. The place was magic. I'm not sure I'd feel the same way if I returned today. Terrorist attacks, civil unrest, squalid homeless camps, and this horrendous fire have changed the place. I don't know if the fire was caused by simple carelessness or malicious intent, but it shouldn't have happened. We can do better. This building was constructed during the Middle Ages. It survived the French Revolution and two World Wars. The cathedral was a vibrant and important part of European life long before the United States even existed. The fact that it burned today just seems like a bad omen to me.

I've always loved great cathedrals. Janet and I have climbed to the top of St. Peter's and looked out over the Roman skyline. We've stood in awe in front of Gaudi's Sagrada Família in Barcelona. We visited Salisbury Cathedral on our way to Stonehenge. Once, my German hosts took me on a special private tour of The Cathedral of Saint Lorenz at the end of a business trip to Nuremberg. These places were all amazing to me, but probably Notre Dame was the best of them all. It was very sad to see it burn today.

This morning I made arrangements for Dash's funeral. It isn't really a funeral I guess. Just a private cremation. It will seem like a funeral to us. We will spend some time with Dash in a quiet room with candles and say our final goodbyes. The staff will make a paw print and we will wrap him in his favorite blanket. Then I will carry him to the crematory and we will leave. All this ceremony may seem silly to some, but it brings us closure. We have done this for all our dogs. There are five little cedar boxes on our coffee table. Soon there will be six.

I took a walk by myself this morning. I followed one of the trails the dogs used to love when they were young and active. Jeez. We used to walk a long way. I was winded by the time I returned home. Dot and Dash's decline has been so slow and gradual that I never really realized that our walks were getting shorter and shorter. I forget sometimes that I have been walking dogs in this park for thirty years. I know every inch of this place. We are lucky to live near the largest urban lake in the country. Our park is larger than Central Park in New York. It is very pretty. If you were a dog, this is definitely where you would want to live.

I took some more of Dash's things to the storage warehouse this afternoon. The warehouse is getting full again. Sometimes the whole idea of downsizing seems futile. There are always things you want to keep. I have things of my Dad's that I will never use but it seems disrespectful to throw them away. It's easy to throw away an old computer. It's much harder to throw away dog blankets. You should never throw away your dog's collar. We've accumulated a huge collection of dog collars.

I'm still not used to getting enough sleep. It almost seems unnatural.

Krissy is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 3398

Dash had a lot more friends than I realized. I was overwhelmed as condolences poured in from around the world yesterday. Thanks to all of you for sharing our story for all these years and finding a place in your heart for a very special dog. Newcomers to the blog may not realize that I've been writing about dogs for a very long time. Years ago I used to be a contributing editor for a strange little magazine called The Dalmatian Quarterly. This was back in the day when people still read things printed on paper and odd publications like this could survive and thrive. The Dalmatian Quarterly is long gone, but my interest in dogs continued. I included a few dog stories in a book I wrote called The Road to Nowhere. People liked these stories, so I wrote a book about our first Dalmatian called Wag. After Spot passed away, I wrote another book about our next Dalmatian called Petey's Place. By the time Dot and Dash became part of our lives, I had discovered blogging and the rest is history.

It's still hard to get used to a world without dogs. When I came home from the gym this afternoon, I immediately went to the bedroom to check on Dash. Checking on Dash has become such an integral part of my life in recent years that it took a second or two to realize he wasn't there. His support system was definitely still in place. There were throw rugs to help him walk in every room. Puppy training pads were everywhere because you never knew when Dash would need to poop. All my pants and most of my jackets still have poop bags in the pockets. There were lots of kiddie gates to create safe spaces for Dash when I had to be away. There were an enormous amount of dog blankets and at least three dog beds in different parts of the house. You can't have too many dog blankets.

It's going to take a long time to make the house presentable again. I took the rugs back to the storage warehouse this afternoon. We may need them again someday. It's a lot more likely that another old Dalmatian will need them first. Friends gave us rugs when Dot's legs began to fail and we'll probably give these rugs to someone else. The gates will get used again too. Gates can be helpful with older dogs, but they are absolutely essential with puppies.

Eventually, all the blankets will be washed and put away. There will be one blanket that goes with Dash as he takes his final trip with us in the car a few days from now. We always wrap our dogs in their favorite blanket and drive them to be cremated ourselves. We make a paw print in clay, clip a tiny amount of fur to keep, and then gently carry our friend to the crematory. I will place Dash in the oven myself. Not everyone does it this way, but it just seems right. If you start your journey together, you should end your journey together. I will need to makes the arrangements tomorrow morning. We will go to the same place where we took Dot. They were extremely kind to us.

It was weird to experience uninterrupted sleep again. I didn't wake up once last night. I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. It's been a long time since that happened. When I woke up around 6:30 AM I felt rested. There was no point in getting up early though. The only reason I ever got up early was to walk Dash before it became too hot. I guess I'm going to need to continue walking in the park to take pictures for the blog. I still need a new picture every day. It's going to seem strange walking without a dog though. It feels like I've been walking dogs forever.

Thanks again for thinking about us yesterday. It means a lot.

Flash is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2717

We got up early this morning and took Dot on her final journey. For as long as we've had dogs, we've always wrapped them in their favorite blanket when they passed away and driven them to be cremated ourselves. It was a long drive this morning, but it gave Janet and I a chance for closure. We talked about our favorite memories with Dot and when the time came, I lifted Dot up and placed her on the brick floor of the retort as we said our final goodbyes. Maybe it's just a silly symbolic gesture, but I always feel better knowing that I was there until the very end.

Death is such a strange process. One minute you're alive and then a few seconds later, you're not. The body looks exactly the same, but the spirit has vanished. As I stood next to Dot at the crematorium and stroked her soft ears, it seemed like she was just sleeping. She looked peaceful and remarkably similar to the dog I've watched sleeping next to me on the floor for the past year.

I have no idea how a dog's mind actually works, but I hope that Dot had come to terms with the temporary nature of life before she passed away. I not sure either of my parents came to terms with death and I'm not sure I will either. Life is very fragile. I think all of us should embrace and make the most of the gift of life, but I don't think we should fear death either. It's going to happen to all of us.

When my Dad died, I was the only one who sat in a room and talked with him just before he was cremated. Nobody else in the family wanted to face death that closely, but I found this time peaceful and comforting. I had a long conversation with my Dad. I thanked him for all the opportunities he'd given me over the years and chided him for being such an idiot to fall for one of those Nigerian prince scams toward the end of his life. We weren't always close, but this was one of the better conversations we'd ever had.

Dot knew that we loved her, but as I talked with her in the crematorium's viewing room, I wondered if she realized what a huge influence she had on me. This small dog had made me a better person. Janet and I were quiet as we returned to Dallas. We both knew that there was a large hole in our lives that would take a while to fill.

I'm glad we made the trip when we did, because later in the day there was a horrendous thunderstorm that caused localized flooding all over the place. If we'd been on the road in that storm, our trip would have taken ten times as long. I had planned on returning to pick up Dot's ashes later today, but I'm glad I didn't. Dash was terrified of the loud thunder and I spent a good part of the afternoon sitting under a makeshift blanket tent on the bed with him.

The power flickered this afternoon, but it didn't go out. Janet's drive home from work took forever, but at least the road wasn't underwater like it was in some parts of the city. We had a nice quiet dinner as the storm subsided. As we looked around a house strewn with traction rugs, dog beds, gates, and improvised pens designed to keep Dot safe, we realized that it was going to be a long time before life returned to normal.

Charlie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2682

I was so convinced this morning that Dot was telling me it was time that I called the vet and made an appointment to have her euthanized this evening. She didn't want to get up. She wouldn't eat or drink water. And her eyes had lost their sparkle. It looked like her body was shutting down.

I sat with her and cried for quite a while. About 2 PM she raised her head and gave me the look that said she needed to pee. I took her outside and then tried again to see if she would eat. Her response was tentative at first and then something in her brain kicked into gear. I was able to hand feed her almost a cup of her regular food and over a dozen of her favorite treats. I helped her up and she drank some water and then wanted to go outside again. Dot was back.

An anonymous blog reader suggested that I try seeing if Dot would drink Dogsure. I'd never heard of this product, but I went out and bought a few cans. The product was the canine equivalent of Ensure for humans. I was a little skeptical at first, especially since abandoning solid food and trying to live totally on Ensure contributed to my Dad's death. At this point I had little to lose though. I did a Google search and the product seemed to get great reviews from people who had tried it. Much to my surprise, Dot seemed to like the Dogsure and was able to drink it. More importantly, when I moistened her regular food with the Dogsure and fed it to her by hand, she was able to eat more of that too. I have no idea who sent me this tip, but Dot and I both thank you.

Needless to say, I canceled the appointment to euthanize Dot this evening. She managed to eat a little more when Janet came home from work this evening and is resting calmly now. I have no illusions. Dot's body is shutting down and I have no way to stop it. She is amazingly tenacious though and doesn't want to go. It was almost as if she heard me talking to the vet this morning and was telling me "don't count me out yet." I really hope she didn't hear me talking to the pet cemetery, because I had to do that today as well.

If you need to have your dog cremated, most of your options are far, far away. Maybe it is a city ordnance or something, but when the time comes I will need to drive fifty to seventy five miles to find a pet crematorium. I called the place that had helped us with Spot, Petey, and Greta and discovered that things had changed. The guy who had been so kind to us had retired due to health problems and two of the facilities three burners were out of operation. The lady who ran the place now said she would be happy to refrigerate Dot until they could get their crematorium operational again. I thanked her for the offer and began looking elsewhere.

I absolutely hate to do this sort of thing but it has to be done. A lot of people just leave their dog with the vet and return two weeks later to pick up a cedar box. That doesn't seem right to me. I have always stayed with my dogs until the very end. I have even carried them to the furnace and placed them in the oven myself. A nice lady I talk to today said that new OSHA requirements wouldn't allow me to do this anymore. One way or another, I'll still stay with Dot until the very end. I think she deserves that.

Today was full of ups and downs. Dot is clearly losing her battle to stay with us. She had a moment this afternoon where she proved she was definitely back in the game, but she had a lot of difficulty taking her evening meds. I have to put the pills down her throat now one at a time. I'm afraid to do this if she is not eating anything. She needs to keep swallowing for a little while to make sure the pill doesn't get stuck in her throat. I'm really glad I bought the Dogsure liquid. She drank a little between each pill and it saved the day.

Lucky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day