Day 2696

If you are a regular reader, you are probably wondering how long things are going to go on like this. Is Dot getting better? Is she getting worse? What is her quality of life? I wonder about these things too. When Dot is eating and has some energy, I am tremendously encouraged. When she shows no interest in getting up, I am discouraged. When something unexpected happens, like vomiting in the middle of the night, I am alarmed. All I can tell you is that Dot isn't ready to leave us yet. There's always a point in the day when she is determined to take our short, but very slow, walk to the edge of the park. There are moments when she still barks at Dash, as if to say "Remember I'm still the alpha dog around here." I never know when she is going to become hungry, but when she does I'll hold her up by her bowl as she slowly eats her dinner one kibble at a time.

Today was like most days this week. There were high points and low points. The Cerenia pills definitely helped her sleep. There was no nausea last night and Dot slept comfortably all night. When Dot sleeps comfortably, we all sleep comfortably. I got more sleep last night than I have all week.

This morning, Dot wasn't hungry, but she did have energy. Luckily the weather was cool and we were able to take a nice walk to the edge of the park and sit in the grass for twenty minutes. I'd like to say that things got better and better, but Dot didn't have much of an appetite today. I had difficulty getting her to eat until very late in the day. When she did eat something around sunset, it wasn't enough to make up for the food she missed earlier in the day.

Every day is like this. Some days mornings are good. Other days, afternoons are better. Dot doesn't eat much, but the food she is eating now is nutritious and good quality. We do our best to make sure Dot is well hydrated and not starving herself. There are many small meals throughout the day. Dot eats when she wants and sleeps when she wants. If she heads toward the back gate, I take her on a short walk. I don't know how long she has left, but the goal is just to keep her happy, out of pain, and as well nourished as we can during her remaining days. It's not an easy job, but I feel that it is well worth the considerable effort it takes.

I didn't end up cooking this morning after all. I just didn't have the energy. I got some pancakes in a take-out box at a nearby restaurant and came home again. There were so many dog things to do this morning that it was almost noon before I got around to actually eating the pancakes. This is definately a work in progress. I'm still having problems keeping Dash from getting jealous when I'm feeding Dot. It's best if I do this while Dash is sleeping in the bedroom, but it doesn't always work out that way. Things need things to be calm and quiet while Dot is eating. If Dash starts barking, or swoops in to steal her food, progress usually stops.

I try to make a big deal about feeding Dash too, so he feels special. This has been partially successful, but dogs are dogs and Dash just isn't able to resist the sight of me sitting on the floor with Dot, surrounded with little plates of turkey, cheese, and other tasty food. Usually, if I can get Dot interested in food with something really tasty, she will then want me to hold her up so she can eat her regular kibble from her bowl. I'm counting on this, because it is the regular food she eats that is keeping her nourished.

My phone has been giving me problems lately. Almost every day I get an error message saying "No SIM card installed." Of course, there really is a SIM card and the phone works normally again once I turn it off and on again. It's just irritating. Today I thought I'd take the SIM card out and clean it. Hey, I've already tried everything else. I never realized that the SIM card was so small. I almost lost it when I popped open the tray and the little card fell on the floor. The SIM card is probably dirtier now than it was before, but the phone still works.

We're not going to give Dot a Cerenia pill tonight to see whether the nausea returns. In many ways it would be easier to just keep giving her the pills, but this is not a medication designed for long term use. We need to know what is causing the vomiting too. It might not be nausea at all. I hope that everyone sleeps well tonight and that the weekend is peaceful. We all need to recharge our batteries.

Dodger is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2695

I'm running on empty. Dot has become nocturnal. She sleeps during the day and becomes restless at night when I'm trying to sleep. I sleep on the floor with her now, so I'm nearby when she needs to get up. Last night she went outside three times in the middle of the night to pee. I guess this is better than peeing in her bed, but I sure am tired. Dot didn't throw up last night, so I guess the Cerenia pill helped. I should have given her a full dose instead of the half dose I usually give Dash. I could tell she still had an upset stomach, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the previous night. I"ll give her the full dose tonight and hopefully she'll sleep better.

When I woke up this morning Janet had already walked Dash and was almost ready for work. I didn't think I slept at all last night, but I must have dozed off, because I wasn't even aware of Janet and Dash leaving the house. Dot was sleeping soundly too. Finally. I delayed giving her morning pills so she could sleep longer and get some rest.

Dot worried me today. She was too tired to take her regular morning walk. Basically, she slept all day except when it was necessary to take her medications. Dot wouldn't even drink water this morning which was troubling. After one of her vets warned me about dehydration, I've become very conscious of how much water she drinks during the day. I thought I was going to have to learn how to use a syringe to hydrate Dot, but around 4 PM this afternoon, she woke up hungry and thirsty. I held her up by her water bowl for over fifteen minutes as she took tiny sips. Eventually, I saw the water level in the bowl go down a bit and I felt comfortable that she was getting enough water.

I never know what Dot is going to eat. The only thing I could get her to eat with her morning pills were thinly sliced pieces of turkey. I asked Janet to pick up more of this turkey on her way home from work because it seemed like our only remaining option. Dot slept soundly for most of the day. When I woke her up to take her afternoon pills, I was pleased to see that her appetite had returned. I was feeding Dash at the time and she went over to his bowl and started eating his food. Both dogs were eating out of the same bowl for a while, so I kind of lost track of how much food Dot actually consumed.

I'm going to have to do something about the bugs in our yard. When I'm holding Dot's harness and waiting for her to pee, it doesn't take long for the chiggers and mosquitoes to find me. I've already been bitten more times than I was all last summer. Chiggers are much worse than mosquitoes. The bites quickly become big red welts that take almost a week to subside. I'm still looking for that idyllic, imaginary place with no bugs, no snakes, and mild rain free weather.

My Friday morning breakfast outings are on hiatus for a while. Dot has simply become too frail to leave alone for any length of time. That's OK. I think I'll learn how to make pancakes and waffles again. I already can make a pretty decent omelette and my French Toast recipe is delicious. I'm in the mood for pancakes though. We'll see if I can make pancakes and sausages without making a huge mess in the kitchen.

If Dot doesn't sleep wall tonight, I'm going to have to become nocturnal myself. Sleeping during the day with the dogs never used to be an option, but work has gotten so slow lately that it probably doesn't matter when I sleep. The way I feel now, I might sleep for the entire weekend.

Dixie is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2694

I talked with two vets today. One was very pessimistic about Dot's future while the other was slightly optimistic. I guess the difference of opinion comes down to how you define "quality of life." If I'm happy for an hour each day, I'm good. I probably assume that Dot thinks the same way. How can you ever know for sure? I think that Dot is still happy because she seems to enjoy her short walks and barks whenever she needs attention. Maybe she's miserable though. She certainly can't do much in her diminished capacity.

I"m feeling uncertain today because we got off to a terrible start. After spending most of the day yesterday making sure that Dot got enough food, she ended up throwing up everything she ate around two in the morning. One vet told me that the symptoms Dot was exhibiting just before she threw up indicated that she was nauseous and suggested giving her a Cerenia pill before bedtime tonight. The other vet was worried that Dot's impaired swallowing was causing food to back up in her esophagus and she was regurgitating it before it ever reached her stomach.

It's all getting very complicated. Dot is supposed to be eating bland food like chicken and rice or low fat cottage cheese. These things don't appeal to her though and it's easier to get her to eat rich, strong smelling food containing things like duck or venison. The rich food is likely to cause an upset stomach and could lead to her throwing up again. After the phone calls I made today, it became apparent that it wasn't really OK to let Dot eat anything she wanted. Nobody answered my questions about how to convince her to eat things that don't appeal to her. It's hard enough to get her to eat anything at all. If she continues to throw up, dehydration becomes a real worry. I already worry that she's not getting enough water because she takes such tiny little sips.

I went out and bought some low fat cottage cheese this evening. We'll add that to the growing array of choices that Dot already has. I'm kind of at my wit's end. Every positive thing we do for Dot seems to be accompanied by negative side effects. I guess I should expect this. All medicine is this way. Just look at the commercials on TV from the pharmaceutical companies. The disclaimers about all the horrible things that can happen if you take their pills are often longer than the commercials themselves.

Dot still doesn't have much interest in eating until later in the day. This means that she'll probably go to bed again with a full belly. I hope she doesn't get indigestion. I've been trying to keep her active for a while so that the food she eats with her final set of pain pills actually gets out of her esophagus and into her stomach. I gave her a Cerenia pill too. With any luck, we'll all sleep a little better tonight.

This morning while I was walking Dash, I saw a Great Egret catch and eat a fish. Nature is cruel and beautiful. I watched in fascination as the Egret ate the fish, thinking that I'd sure hate to hand feed one of those birds.

Chief is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2693

Today was rough. Dot wouldn't eat anything for most of the day. I tried everything we had, but she just wasn't interested. I could tell she was tired as soon as she woke up this morning. Dot's balance and coordination isn't great on a good day. On a bad day her legs are like jelly. I don't even know why Dot wanted a walk this morning because she could barely stand. Our girl is determined though, so we gave her a short walk in hopes that it might trigger her appetite. Walking Dot today with the Help 'Em Up Harness was like walking a bowling ball. She was mostly just dead weight.

As the day progressed I became increasingly worried that Dot was slipping away again. Mostly she just slept today, but I continued to try to feed her every time she looked alert and lifted her head. Dot was sleeping so soundly this afternoon that I thought it was pretty safe to go mow the grass. We've had so much rain recently that the grass is growing quickly. When I returned to the house, Dot hadn't moved an inch. She was still sleeping in exactly the same spot where I left her.

I was just about to give up on getting Dot to eat anything when she sat up in her bed around quarter till six this evening and gave me the look that told me it was time to go outside and pee. As soon as she peed, we came back inside and she went straight to her bowl in the kitchen. I was able to feed her almost a cup of dry kibble and some sliced turkey.

I wish I knew what it is that causes Dot to reject food. She can go from refusing to eat or drink anything at all to eating relatively normally in less than hour. I'm glad her appetite still kicks in occasionally, but she needs to eat a lot more. We're only halfway there on today's calorie quest and the day is almost over.

I guess today was a partial success. I just finished giving Dot her evening pain pills. Dash didn't throw up. The grass got mowed. Dot didn't eat nearly enough, but at least she ate something. I made an appointment for Dash to get his annual physical at the vet next week, but I have no idea whether I'll be able to keep it. Things keep changing day to day around here. A week from now seems like an eternity.

Life has gotten pretty basic. I wake up each morning with one goal: to keep Dot eating. She wants to eat, but her body isn't cooperating. My job is to help her overcame her difficulty in swallowing. When Dot is eating, she is happier and noticeably stronger. If she quits eating entirely, she doesn't have long.

We made it through another day. Tomorrow we start over and do it all again.

Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2692

I've never spent so much time focused on eating. It takes an entire day to feed Dot. She eats tiny amounts and then turns away. An hour or two later she'll eat a little more. I'll feed her whenever she shows any interest in food. Dash has become obsessed with Dot's food, but it makes him sick. Getting both dogs to eat is proving to be quite a challenge. Dot's appetite often returns while I'm eating breakfast or dinner, so my own meals are continually getting cold, or in the case of my morning smoothie, becoming warm. Dash is moody and often I have to trick him to eat. When he won't touch his breakfast, I transfer it to Dot's bowl. Oddly, this works sometimes, because Dash thinks he is stealing Dot's food.

Eating a relaxed meal used to be the favorite part of my day. Cleaning up poop during breakfast, or keeping a constant eye on Dash to make sure he doesn't wander off and vomit in the office has changed things though. There is nothing relaxing about mealtime. Typically, it has become one of the most stressful times of the day.

Dot must be feeling a little better, because she's starting to remember how much she hates taking pills. It's harder to get the pills down her throat, because she knows the routine. I try to find something she really likes to feed her after each pill, so she gets some positive reinforcement. You never know when she's going to be hungry, but amazingly she still has an appetite a couple of times a day. I really have to work on becoming more patient. Hand feeding a dog a couple of kibbles at a time can take forever.

It was a long day, but we're all still here. Dot has eaten about 3/4 of her daily quota and Dash finally ate his own food without throwing up. Hopefully, Dot will eat a little more when she takes her final set of pills at the end of the day. I never dreamed that eating could become so complicated. Often Dot will refuse to eat something she seemed to love the day before. We need to keep a wide variety of choices available for her. Today, she's back to eating dry food again. To reward her for taking her pills, I've been giving her little bits of sliced turkey today. Who knows if she'll like turkey tomorrow.

I need to rearrange the refrigerator. It is so full of options for Dot, that leftovers I need to eat myself often get misplaced.  I really need a shelf for each day of the week in the refrigerator. I would put the oldest food on the Monday shelf, so I would be sure to eat it first. I hate it when food goes bad simply because I've forgotten about it.

I wrote some friendly letters today to clients who have seemingly forgotten about me. If they don't reply to these messages, I will conclude that they actually have forgotten about me. I hope these folks aren't reading the blog and concluding that I'm too preoccupied to meet their deadlines. I still need the work. I never miss deadlines either.

I wish I had a better understanding of what is going on in Dot's body. She's not giving up, but these days have got to be tough on her. Her activity level changes from day to day. Last week I thought she was becoming nocturnal because she was still active when Janet and I were ready to go to bed. Today, she was active all morning and is sleeping soundly now. Some days I think she isn't going to eat at all, and then an hour later, she'll be hungry again. I think this is a learning experience for all of us.

Daisy is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2691

Dash threw up again today. I'm pretty sure that Dash's problem is that there are seven different brands of dog food in the house now and it's driving him nuts. He always tries to steal Dot's food unless I pen him in the back of the house while I'm feeding her. Dash has had a sensitive stomach for most of his life and he can't handle eating something different everyday. The rich canned food that Dot is eating now was not meant for dogs like Dash.

Feeding the dogs is complicated. The whole process works best if Dash eats before Dot even wakes up and I don't begin feeding Dot until Dash has gone back to the bedroom for his morning nap. This works great when all the stars are aligned perfectly, but on a normal day, things are fairly chaotic. Today Dash ended up eating a fair amount of Dot's food. I feel like I don't have enough hands anymore. It takes both hands to hold Dot's harness while she eats, poops, walks around the house, or basically does anything. Dash takes advantage of the situation whenever he can.

We gave Dash a Cerenia pill tonight and hope that it will take care of the situation for a while. He's got to go back to his special diet though. There just isn't any other alternative. I wish Dash understood how difficult it is to keep Dot with us a little longer. Dot is special to Dash too. When we first adopted Dash, he was scared of everything. Dot was the one who gave him confidence. You can't expect a dog to act differently though. He sees all the attention Dot is getting and all the exotic food she is allowed to eat. All he wants is to be treated the same way.

It's weird being the one to make all these decisions for the dogs. What is kind and caring for Dot would be unkind and irresponsible for Dash. As I try to keep life in balance for both dogs, I sometimes wonder how people with severely disabled kids keep it together. One of our neighbors has a boy who looks a bit like Steven Hawking. They have to do everything for him. How do they do it without going crazy? My problems are nothing compared to the problems that many people have. I think I've reached my limit though. So far, I'm doing pretty well, but I don't think I could handle much more.

Maybe we just don't know what we can handle until we try. I felt that I needed to up my game at the gym today. I can't really help the dogs if I'm always tired myself. My workout was more strenuous this afternoon and a doubled my free throw goal on the basketball court. The fitness band on my wrist told me that I did pretty well, but I still didn't really enjoy the exercise. All in all, I would have rather taken a nap.

While I was walking Dash this evening we happened to see the woman who gave us the can of food for Dot last Sunday. She was really pleased to hear that her food proved to be the key to getting Dot eating again. I still have no idea who this woman is.

Spot is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2690

The only time I go to the mall anymore is when I get a haircut. The place used to seem normal to me, but now it seems increasingly alien. The flowers are much more exotic than the ones I see at the park. The air is not only artificially cold, it is scented. Shoppers seem to dress better here than when they go to work. I don't get how this place works. The mall is usually packed with people, yet most of the high end stores are practically empty.

I've been going to the same stylist for many years.  I think she and I were the only people in the salon today who weren't covered with tattoos. All the young stylists had tattoos. Some of the ink was quite artistic, but a lot of the tattoos were messy and poorly thought out. One of my veterinarians has spent a lot of money trying to remove tattoos that she impulsively got when she was younger. I wonder if some of these people are going to feel the same way later in life. There's nothing wrong with tattoos, but I'm not comfortable wearing my feelings on my skin. My feelings about almost everything have changed radically over the years. Tattoos are far too permanent.

I feel better with a good haircut, but the trip to the mall certainly threw me off schedule. Dot wasn't eating well today. I spent more time than usual trying to make sure she got enough food. I don't know why her appetite and activity level changes from one day to the next, but it sure makes life complicated. I thought we'd finally found a healthy food that Dot really likes, but today she wanted to eat Dash's food when she finally became hungry. She didn't eat much. Absolutely nothing is predictable anymore.

I thought Dot was going to have a great day, because she slept well for the first time in ages. There were no middle of the night accidents last night and everybody got a good night's sleep. Oddly, even though she was well rested, Dot was very shaky on her feet this morning. She improved a bit as the day progressed, but today definitely wasn't as good as yesterday. I wish I knew why things ebb and flux like this, but I probably never will.

I hope Dot feels better tomorrow. I was really starting to feel good that her appetite and enthusiasm were returning. Today was a bit of a setback. We still ate and we still walked, but Dot was obviously feeling tired. Maybe a good night's sleep will help.

Patches is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2689

I didn't get any sleep last night, but today went reasonably well. I actually had time to run down to the hipster restaurant and pick up some breakfast to go before Janet left for work. I gave Dot her morning pills and then sat down to enjoy some delicious cinnamon pancakes. Dot didn't eat her own breakfast until almost 11 AM, but who care about timing anymore. She ate pretty well and wanted to eat out of her bowl again instead of being hand fed.

The reason I didn't get much sleep last night is that Dot can't seem to sleep all the way through the night anymore. She peed in her bed around 3 AM and while I was cleaning her up, she decided to poop as well. It was a mess. By the time I took her blankets and harness outside to rinse off with the garden hose before throwing everything in the washing machine, I was wide awake. Maybe I went back to sleep and maybe I didn't. It's hard to tell.

The only benefit to this nocturnal mishap was that it was pretty easy to get her outside again when I woke her up around sunrise. There were no leaks on the way to the back door at all. Usually Dot sleeps for hours after breakfast, but she remained active today for some reason. Maybe she's starting to feel a little better. She certainly kept me busy. I could tell that all this activity was making it hard for her to stand, so we used the wheelchair for our evening walk. I wasn't sure if she'd ever be strong enough to use the wheelchair again, but she did pretty well today. I continue to be amazed at how easily Dot is able to walk using this contraption.

I made an appointment to get a haircut tomorrow. I'm way overdue, but it's been hard to get out of the house this Spring. Today I made a ten minute trip to pick up breakfast and another ten minute trip to pay the phone bill, but that was it. The rest of the day was non-stop dog wrangling.

My new driver's license arrived today. That was quick. I was convinced that the process would take months. I probably should start doing more things online like this. The whole world is optimized for online transactions these days. Nobody wants you to go to the post office or the bank anymore.  I'm afraid I'm becoming a Luddite just like my sister. I'm just more comfortable doing things the way I've done them for most of my life.

I'm curious to see if Dot's blood work and vital signs have improved the next time we take her to the cancer center. She was genuinely close to death for almost a week and now she seems to be slowly improving. Dot is still very week and has a lot of trouble swallowing, but the fact that she is trying to eat on her own again and still wants her daily walks is pretty amazing. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but it would be really nice if she could make it to her seventeenth birthday. Hey, it's possible. Her birthday is this summer.

It took about five tiny meals, but Dot ate her full two cups of food today. I had a decent breakfast for a change and Janet and I had a nice dinner. Even Dash acted pretty normally. Not a bad way to end the week.

Dolly is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2688

I'm having trouble with schedules. Dot has a schedule. Janet has a schedule. And Dash has a schedule. All these schedules are different. We get up early on Janet's schedule, so she can help with the dogs before she goes to work. Dot doesn't want to get up this early and won't eat much until almost 11 AM. Dash wants things the way they used to be where both dogs ate and walked together. We have to give Dot's pain pills before she is really ready, because she needs to take them every eight hours. If we started the pills later, she'd be taking the last set at three in the morning. Dash hates how long it takes me to feed Dot and usually starts his high pitched barking before we are finished. Even though Dot can't hear well now, she flinches every time Dash barks. I think Dot is starting to become nocturnal. Because she gets up late, she often isn't ready to go to bed with the rest of us. I don't have a schedule at all. I just try to keep things moving from one end of the day to the other.

Last night we had a reminder that Dot is still a very sick dog. She was sleeping peacefully, but woke up about 3 AM and started crying. I took her outside and she peed, but she still seemed uncomfortable and wouldn't go back to sleep. I got a pillow and sat with her on the floor. I could hear her stomach rumbling and suspect she had a belly ache. Since Dot gets hungry later now, she often feels like eating just before we all go to bed. This probably isn't a good idea. I'm just guessing about the indigestion. Dot could have been uncomfortable last night for dozens of other reasons. I slept on the floor with her, thinking that she'd probably throw up on me, but she held her food down despite all the stomach rumbling and eventually went back to sleep. This morning Dot seemed fine. I was exhausted though.

I had a lot of trouble giving Dot her pills today. Maybe Dot is becoming wary again, or maybe it was just me. There's an art to pilling a dog properly and I don't think I was quick or coordinated enough today. Eventually I got her to take all her pills and eat a modest amount of food, but the effort seemed to take forever. It doesn't help that Dash is becoming a picky eater as well. I have to mix in a little bit of Dot's food to get him to eat. It's all way too complicated. Dash has always had a sensitive stomach and it has taken us years to find a diet that he liked and was healthy for him. Now all that's out the window. I feed the dogs what they'll eat and just hope for some peace and tranquility.

I think my body is falling apart. I've lost five pounds in the past month and a half while still eating normally. This doesn't seem right. This morning, my right hand was swollen when I woke up and I could barely move my fingers. I'm pretty sure that holding Dot up caused this, but there is nothing I can do about it. I'm still deathly afraid of pain pills and refuse to take them. This leaves me with some pretty sore shoulders, knees, and wrists. I've seen what addiction to pain medication can do and I'm not going down that road. If I ever find myself in Dot's situation, I'll probably reconsider, but compared to Dot, I'm still pretty healthy.

When I was going out to pick up some Thai food for dinner tonight, the "Service Required" message came on in my car. Damn. Whenever I see that message on the dash, I know it's going to be expensive. I still do all required maintenance though. I'm pretty sure I treat my car better than I treat myself. Ordinarily, I'd take the car in tomorrow, but I think I'll wait a few weeks so the charges will appear on next month's credit card bill. There's enough on this month's bill already.

I'm not sure what I'll do for breakfast tomorrow. Going out on Friday morning just doesn't work anymore. Maybe if we all get up early, I can run out and pick up something in a to-go box while Janet is getting ready for work. I did take the trash out to the curb tonight, but I've still got to give Dot her nighttime pills.

Crosby is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2687

Dot didn't want to be hand fed today. She wanted to stand up and eat dry food out of her bowl. She was still slow as molasses, but she carefully chewed and swallowed each piece of kibble and then drank some water. It was like old times.

We still had our moments this morning, but the crisis appears to be over for now. Today's problems weren't life threatening and mostly involved Dot's ongoing incontinence problems. I wasn't prepared for her renewed energy this morning. When I woke up, Dot was already awake. I raced to open the back door, but by the time I returned to pick her up using the harness, Dot had already tried to get up on her own, started peeing, and then slipped and fell in the puddle of pee. I took her outside and then placed her on a protective mat so I could clean up the mess. While I was cleaning up the pee, Dot tried to get up again and this time she pooped on one of the living room rugs.

By the time I got Dot and the house cleaned up again, it was already pretty late. It looked like it was going to rain, so I decided to walk Dot before fixing my own breakfast. This was a good plan because it did rain shortly after I returned. Luckily, I didn't have to walk Dash this morning, because Janet had already walked him very early before I woke up. By the time I finished breakfast, washed all the soiled rugs, and did the dishes, it was noon.

Giving Dot her pain pills is still a problem. She hates having me put the pills down her throat. To make the process as smooth as possible, I sit on the living room floor with her, surrounded by little plates of her favorite food of the day. I make sure she's relaxed and still eating and then I hide each pill in a small ball of cheese and place them down her throat one at a time. Between each pill I make sure she eats something, to insure that the pill has been swallowed. If I can get the pills down her throat quickly, she hardly even notices. If I'm slow, or don't place the pill properly, there's always a chance that Dot will bite me. So far, she's only bitten me once. She wasn't trying to bite me. She just closed her mouth while my hand was still in it.

Dash has noticed the huge variety of food we've assembled to keep Dot eating and decided to become a picky eater himself. There's nothing wrong with Dash. He's just being a little shit. I've given up trying to make him eat his regular food. I just place a few kibbles of each variety we have on a large dinner plate and see which one he goes for. It changes from day to day. I fill his bowl with whatever brand he picks and usually we're good for the day. I've probably created a monster, but I can't think of anything else at the moment. My day is complicated enough as it is.

There is no consistency to Dot's eating and sleeping habits anymore. Sometimes she'll be hungry when she wakes up. Other times she won't have any interest in food until much later in the day. I feed her whenever she wants to eat and by the end of the day we're usually pretty close to our quota. She's still not eating enough, but I don't think we need to worry about Dot starving anymore.

I wish I could tell you that being a full time dog nurse was causing me to miss deadlines, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. Work is so slow that I have plenty of time to get everything done anyway. It's probably good that business is slow. I'm not sure how much stress I can handle. At this point, I definitely don't need to add website problems and writing deadlines to my day.

I continue to be amazed that Dot is still with us. I guess miracles do happen from time to time.

Milo is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2686

Dot has eaten for three days now without throwing up. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a big deal, but considering the condition Dot was in last week, it is nothing short of miraculous. I called the oncologist today to give her an update and she had no explanation for Dot's surprising rebound. She just said she was happy for us and hoped that she'd see Dot again next month for her next recheck.

I'm so glad we didn't give up on Dot when things were looking very grim last week. We came very close to thinking she had no chance and that the kindest thing we could do was put her down. I honestly have no idea how she received a temporary reprieve from what everyone thought was inevitable. It's obvious that the new pain medication is much more effective. It's possible that pain was causing her body to shut down. Maybe the cancer is in some kind of remission too. Who knows. I'm not going to spend a lot of time analyzing this. The important thing now is to keep Dot eating.

I don't think Dot will ever chew or swallow normally again. If we can get food in her though, it comes out normally on the other end. Her digestive system seems to be working just fine. I've learned to take my time feeding her. She takes tiny little bites and sometimes you have to massage her throat to encourage her to swallow. Dot doesn't appear to be hungry early in the morning anymore, so I've moved her main meal to later in the day. The goal is just to get her to eat two cups of something by the end of the day. I haven't got there yet, but we're getting closer.

While Dot was sleeping, I went over to Snap Kitchen and picked up dinner for the next several days. I'm surprised at how popular places like Snap Kitchen and Nature's Plate have become. I suspect nobody has time to cook anymore. I love Snap Kitchen. The meals are delicious. The menu is very creative. And you can microwave everything when you get home in just a few minutes.

I've got to figure out what to do about Dash. He's getting jealous of all the time I'm spending with Dot. It's not like he really wants me to spend the same amount of time with him. He just wants Dot's food. I can't really feed the dogs the same thing. Dash has always had problems with crystals in his urine and he needs a low purine diet. Also, he'd be a fat little piggie if I fed him what Dot is eating now. Since he tries to steal Dot's food, I have to pen him in the back of the house while Dot is eating. I understand why Dash is mad. Sometimes it takes hours to feed Dot.

This whole experience has got me thinking about my Dad's last days. Like Dot, he had extreme difficulty swallowing. Dad's problem was Parkinson's Disease. Doctors gave him swallowing tests and when he didn't pass, they put in a feeding tube. He didn't want a feeding tube, but they didn't give him a choice. Hospitals and doctors are so afraid of lawsuits that they would rather make a patient miserable than risk the wrath of family and relatives if death was preventable. I know for a fact that Dad would rather have choked on a plate of barbecue than be fed through a feeding tube for the final three months of his life. I have a feeling that if someone had the patience to feed Dad the same way I'm feeding Dot, he would have done just fine.

So far, the hardest thing about providing hospice care is that every day is different. I like predictability, and there is nothing predictable about dealing with end of life situations. Dot's comfort level, sleeping habits, and ability to eat change from day to day. At some point during the day, there is always a surprise that I wasn't expecting. I'd like to think that I have a plan, but I'm really just improvising. There isn't an instruction manual for this sort of thing.

Bogart is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2685

I've decided that you can't schedule death. It's not right. I canceled the appointment for 5 PM today and the tentative one for 10 AM tomorrow. I'm going to quit calling the vet to make an appointment for Dot and then canceling it the next day. When the time does arrive, I'll do something. For now I'm going to concentrate on keeping Dot alive.

Amazingly, Dot seems a little stronger today than she did yesterday. She tried to eat the same food for two days in a row. By the end of the day, she'd eaten an entire can of the tasty stew we introduced her to yesterday. She should be eating twice as much, but this is real progress. The food is nutritious. Dot likes it. And she's not throwing up.

I think I've entered a new phase in my life. For lack of a better term, I'll call it extreme hospice care. I spent most of the day trying to get Dot to eat, but it was very gratifying when she did. We've been so close to giving up at several points. Figuring out what works and what doesn't has been a learning experience for all of us.

We've gotten better at managing the cancer pain. Dot sleeps better now and no longer sits in her bed panting in the evening. I've become much better at administering her pills. I wrap each pill in a small ball of cheddar cheese so there won't be a bad taste when I put them down her throat. Dot has finally learned to trust me and doesn't try to bite when I open her mouth to pill her. This has taken time and patience, but it makes a huge difference. Following each pill with something tasty to keep her swallowing helps too.

I've abandoned the traditional breakfast, lunch, and dinner and feed her smaller amounts throughout the day. I cut her food into very small pieces so she won't choke on it. We keep the house very cold now and only walk her during the coolest parts of the day. We don't use the fancy wheelchair as much as I thought we would, mostly because Dot likes to sit down and rest at several points during the short walk. Everything is a learning process. I need to pay more attention to Dash as well, so her doesn't get jealous. He has already noticed that I spend a lot more time feeding Dot than him. Dash wants the special food too.

I was very encouraged today. This was the first time in a week where there wasn't a period during the day when I thought Dot was going to die. I'm going to ask the oncologist if regular B-12 shots might help stabilize her anemia. We're definitely not out of the woods with the swallowing problem. Dot still has a lot of difficulty chewing and swallowing. You always hear that dogs lose their interest in food when they are near the end of their life. Dot has not lost her appetite. She is still hungry. She just has a lot of difficulty eating.

I'm still kind of amazed that a chance encounter with a total stranger provided the breakthrough we needed. Doctors have suggested everything from strong medication that would increase her appetite to placing a feeding tube down her esophagus. Vets are so locked into Hills Science Diet products that nobody even mentioned simply changing her food.

Don't expect a full recovery or anything miraculous to happen. This was just one day. It was a good day though. A very good day.

Betsy is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2684

Dot bought herself another day. She was very reluctant to get up this morning and didn't want to eat. When I did get her up and took her outside to pee, she headed straight for the back gate. She wanted a walk. I continue to be amazed at the tenaciousness of this dog. We thought maybe a short walk would stimulate her appetite, so we slowly headed toward the park. Dot smelled the flowers, lay in the grass, and enjoyed herself, but she still wouldn't eat when we got home.

On the way home a lady we often see while walking the dogs stopped me and asked about Dot. She recommended some food that she said her dog loved after he got cancer. I thanked her for the suggestion and then continued on our way home. We were almost back to the house when I saw the lady running to catch up with us. She had a can in her hand.  She stuck the can in my jacket pocket and urged me to try it. I thanked her again, but was kind of baffled. We were well beyond canned dog food solutions.

I was finally able to get Dot interested in some small pieces of sliced ham I had in the refrigerator. This was enough so she could take her morning pain pills, but it wasn't nearly enough to keep her nourished. Usually she goes back to sleep after she eats, but she seemed restless this morning. I thought she needed to pee, but she just kept wandering around in the yard. Keep in mind that she's not really wandering around on her own. I'm holding her up using the harness. After an hour of restless behavior, she threw up.  Although Dot went back to sleep and rested peacefully after this, I was very worried. Dot had probably thrown up the pain pills we had given her earlier in the morning, along with whatever nutrition she'd had in the past 12 hours.

While Dot was sleeping, Janet and I wondered if this was the day. I called the vet again and asked about making an appointment later in the evening. I didn't confirm anything though, because Dot has always snapped back late in the day. On Friday she regained her appetite around 3 PM. Yesterday it was 4 PM. Today she seemed tired and listless until almost 6 PM. Since Dot didn't seem interested in cheese or the sliced ham she had eaten this morning, we opened the can the lady had given me this morning. Castor and Pollux Natural Ultramix the can said. Dot loved it. She was able to swallow the bits of chicken and turkey, and lapped up the chicken broth when I put it in a small saucer in front of her. It took about an hour to hand feed her this mix, but she ended up eating almost three quarters of the can. This was great news, especially since the Ultramix stew is much healthier for her than the cheese, Fritos, and lunch meat we've been experimenting with for the past several days.

So far Dot has not thrown up her tasty meal. She took her second round of pain pills and even wanted an evening walk. I'm really glad that last night's rain brought some much cooler weather with it. Temperatures were in the 40's early this morning. Dot loves cold weather and she really enjoyed her two short walks.

Dot has a strong heart so she probably won't die in her sleep. She has a strong spirit, so she probably won't give up or go quietly. She's still dying though. It's up to us to decide when the time is right. If Dot wants one more walk and is able to eat enough to stay nourished, I'm delighted to give her an extra day. I'd love to give her an extra week.                  

Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2683

Long goodbyes are the worst. Dot sleeps a little longer every day and eats a little less. She still has her moments though, and during those moments you've really got to admire her courage and tenacity. We had a hard time getting her to eat this morning. We let her sleep as long as she wanted, but when she finally woke up, she was still lethargic. I took Dash on a morning walk, thinking that Dot would be back asleep when we returned. When we were on our way home, who did I see coming toward me? It was Janet and Dot. Dot didn't want to eat, but she definitely did want a walk.

I'm amazed at how important these walks are to Dot. She can barely move, but she is still determined to make it to the edge of the park whenever she has the energy. We all sat in the grass for a while and then slowly made our way home. By the time I finished giving Dot her pills, she was exhausted and went back to sleep. A friend asked yesterday why I continue to give Dot her meds when she is obviously near the end. These are pain pills. Terminal cancer can be quite painful and our goal at this point is to keep Dot comfortable during the time she has left. A lot of the regular pills have been discontinued.

While Dot was sleeping I had my usual worries about whether she was dead. She sleeps so soundly and breathes so slowly that it's hard to tell sometimes. Yesterday, she snapped back to life and ate quite a bit of food around 3 PM. Today, she didn't wake up until 4 PM. Luckily she decided to eat again. She never did eat much this morning. Today she dined on cheese. Our refrigerator is filled with things Dot ate once and then refused to eat again. She won't eat the chicken now. She doesn't eat the hamburger either. Today she eagerly ate some new peanut butter dog treats we got for her. She wouldn't eat the treats we got yesterday though. Oddly, she still eats a little of her regular dog food at some point during the day.

This evening was a nightmare. Strong thunderstorms rolled through the area after dinner and the thunder frightened both dogs. Dash knocked over a bunch of stuff trying to climb into a closet and Dot started barking and decided that she needed to go outside in the rain and pee. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to pee and we repeated this process over and over again. The rain eventually stopped, but Dot still needs to pee.

Janet was gone this evening, so the two storm phobic dogs ended up taking priority over the blog. I still think I'll get finished before midnight though. Everybody is starting to calm down and it looks like Dot is going to make it another day.

Parker is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2682

I was so convinced this morning that Dot was telling me it was time that I called the vet and made an appointment to have her euthanized this evening. She didn't want to get up. She wouldn't eat or drink water. And her eyes had lost their sparkle. It looked like her body was shutting down.

I sat with her and cried for quite a while. About 2 PM she raised her head and gave me the look that said she needed to pee. I took her outside and then tried again to see if she would eat. Her response was tentative at first and then something in her brain kicked into gear. I was able to hand feed her almost a cup of her regular food and over a dozen of her favorite treats. I helped her up and she drank some water and then wanted to go outside again. Dot was back.

An anonymous blog reader suggested that I try seeing if Dot would drink Dogsure. I'd never heard of this product, but I went out and bought a few cans. The product was the canine equivalent of Ensure for humans. I was a little skeptical at first, especially since abandoning solid food and trying to live totally on Ensure contributed to my Dad's death. At this point I had little to lose though. I did a Google search and the product seemed to get great reviews from people who had tried it. Much to my surprise, Dot seemed to like the Dogsure and was able to drink it. More importantly, when I moistened her regular food with the Dogsure and fed it to her by hand, she was able to eat more of that too. I have no idea who sent me this tip, but Dot and I both thank you.

Needless to say, I canceled the appointment to euthanize Dot this evening. She managed to eat a little more when Janet came home from work this evening and is resting calmly now. I have no illusions. Dot's body is shutting down and I have no way to stop it. She is amazingly tenacious though and doesn't want to go. It was almost as if she heard me talking to the vet this morning and was telling me "don't count me out yet." I really hope she didn't hear me talking to the pet cemetery, because I had to do that today as well.

If you need to have your dog cremated, most of your options are far, far away. Maybe it is a city ordnance or something, but when the time comes I will need to drive fifty to seventy five miles to find a pet crematorium. I called the place that had helped us with Spot, Petey, and Greta and discovered that things had changed. The guy who had been so kind to us had retired due to health problems and two of the facilities three burners were out of operation. The lady who ran the place now said she would be happy to refrigerate Dot until they could get their crematorium operational again. I thanked her for the offer and began looking elsewhere.

I absolutely hate to do this sort of thing but it has to be done. A lot of people just leave their dog with the vet and return two weeks later to pick up a cedar box. That doesn't seem right to me. I have always stayed with my dogs until the very end. I have even carried them to the furnace and placed them in the oven myself. A nice lady I talk to today said that new OSHA requirements wouldn't allow me to do this anymore. One way or another, I'll still stay with Dot until the very end. I think she deserves that.

Today was full of ups and downs. Dot is clearly losing her battle to stay with us. She had a moment this afternoon where she proved she was definitely back in the game, but she had a lot of difficulty taking her evening meds. I have to put the pills down her throat now one at a time. I'm afraid to do this if she is not eating anything. She needs to keep swallowing for a little while to make sure the pill doesn't get stuck in her throat. I'm really glad I bought the Dogsure liquid. She drank a little between each pill and it saved the day.

Lucky is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2681

There's nothing kind or convenient about death. I went to bed last night trying to prepare myself for the inevitable, but Dot woke up this morning with other ideas. She wanted a walk. Dot seemed in surprisingly good spirits for a dog that is losing weight at an alarming rate and has extreme difficulty eating. We let Dot rest instead of trying to get her up this morning. Janet walked Dash before she left for work and I stayed behind to watch over Dot. It wasn't long before she raised her head and gave me the sign that she needed to pee. After taking her outside I sat on the floor with her and tried to feed her tiny pieces of boiled chicken and cheeseburger. Eventually she managed to eat one third of a chicken breast and about a quarter of a cheeseburger without the bun. I had to pen Dash in the back of the house because it was driving him wild to see me hand feeding Dot the cheeseburger.

Dot seemed tired after what seemed like a monumental effort to keep from starving. She was hungry. When Dot went back to sleep, I ate my own breakfast. Before I finished, I heard her barking. She still wanted a walk. We made our way ever so slowly to the park and spent about twenty minutes sitting in the grass. Dot was alert and enjoyed the windy day and the surprisingly cool weather.

It's so sad that Dot really wants to continue, but her body won't let her. She doesn't have long, but she definitely wasn't ready to go today. How can you put a dog down who is eager to go on a walk? I worry that she isn't getting enough nutrition. The list of things she will try to eat keeps getting smaller. This morning she was willing to eat the burger and boiled chicken. This afternoon, she had no interest in meat. The only thing she would eat for the rest of the day were her favorite dog treats and a small amount of kibble.

I can't hide Dot's pills in anything now. She chews thing for so long that the pills inevitably fall out of whatever we've hidden them in and as soon as she bites into one, the bad taste stops her from eating anything else. Dot hates people messing with her mouth and even when she was healthy, she resisted being pilled. Unfortunately, that's the only way to get a pill down her now. I try to open her mouth and put the pill down her throat as quickly as I can and then follow it with something tasty to keep her chewing and swallowing. I know I'm going to get bit pretty soon.

A vet I've known for decades called me this evening to offer some moral support. The call mean a lot. There's not much more that doctors can do for Dot at this point, but I appreciated another opinion about how to handle these final days. We talked about the many dogs we have known and loved over the years and how hard it is to say goodbye. I felt a little better knowing that her clinic was nearby and that they would be expecting me if I had to call this weekend.

I wonder if this morning's walk was Dot's last? She didn't feel like walking this evening. We did finally manage to get Dot to take her evening meds, but it was a struggle. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow.

Bowser is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day

Day 2680

It's time to begin saying goodbye. Dot may have a day or she may have a week, but she doesn't have long. It's so sad. The new pain pills we started giving Dot really do work. She woke up with more energy than I've seen in weeks. She actually got up by herself several times today and began walking around the house on her own. The problem is that she can't swallow. The paralysis that has been affecting her legs for months seems to have spread to her neck. If Dot can't swallow, she can't eat. The swallowing difficulty didn't happen overnight, but within the past several days it has become quite alarming.

I spent most of the day trying to get Dot to eat. I was able to hand feed her a small amount of boiled chicken breast this morning, but she wasn't interested in her kibble and can no longer swallow cheese or peanut butter. Dot is still hungry. She definitely hasn't lost her appetite. She will chew things but they just fall out of her mouth. Getting her to take her meds is almost impossible. She doesn't want you anywhere near her mouth and tries to bite you if you attempt to open the mouth and put a pill down her throat. Even the vet wasn't able to pill her yesterday.

This leaves us with very few options. After spending over an hour trying to get her to eat a tiny amount of boiled chicken breast, I gave up and let her sleep. Less than two hours later she threw up everything she had eaten in the past twelve hours. I couldn't figure out how she had thrown up so much, because she is still having normal bowel movements. Food is still passing through her digestive system. After several calls to her oncologist and her regular vet, we decided to give her an injection of Cerenia in an attempt to stabilize her and stop the vomiting.

Everyone agreed that if Dot continued to reject food and vomited up what she did eat, she wouldn't last very long. She couldn't take the Cerenia in pill form, so we drove her to the vet for a shot. The nurse was very nice. She came out to the car when we arrived and gave her the shot. We didn't even have to take Dot out of the car.

As the day progressed, Dot got a little better. She hasn't thrown up anymore and although I wasn't able to get her to take her afternoon meds, we did have a little success at dinner. The thing that saved the day was a leftover cheeseburger that Janet brought home from an office lunch. We had more success hiding her pills in the juicy cheese burger than anything else we've tried so far. After dinner tonight I went to the store and bought some ground beef to make hamburgers with and some American cheese slices in an attempt to duplicate the burger that Janet brought home from work.

Dot was able to take her evening meds with our hastily made cheeseburgers, but this is not a long term solution. Despite spending most of the day trying to feed her, she only held down less than half of what she usually eats. Dot has some of the best vets on the planet and none of them could offer me a solution. We may have run out of options. If Dot's throat is becoming paralyzed, we will need to make a decision quickly.

Dot is calm and resting peacefully now. She made it through the day. We'll see how she does in the morning.

Brady is today's Dalmatian of the Day

Watch of the Day